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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 under 4

25 replies

Globaluser · 26/03/2021 21:29

Any advice on how me and dh can manage 3 year old, 19 month old twins and newborn baby that’s arriving in under 1 week at night time.

Twins are teething currently :(

Apartment is not very sound proof either.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/03/2021 21:30

Head down.
Takeaways.
The park.
Contraception.

Happycat1212 · 26/03/2021 21:32

Couldn’t help but think contraception (condoms) sorry Grin

HavelockVetinari · 26/03/2021 21:34

Interesting first post Hmm

Cocomarine · 26/03/2021 21:38

Forget condoms, with those age gaps there’s different he vasectomy leaflets in my house!

Well, on a practical note... I’d switch my apartment round as much as possible to avoid having children near the shared walls - even if that meant moving cots out into the lounge for 6 months in one big dormitory!

How about soundproofing material for your shared walls?

If you have wooden or laminate floors, thick rugs might help. Even carpet off cuts not properly fitted just laid out can help and be a cheaper option.

I’d also drop off some chocolates or similar to the neighbours and thank them in advance for their understanding - a little politeness and thoughtfulness goes a long way!

Don’t be afraid to say yes to any offers of help - and don’t be afraid to ask either.

And remember that it WILL pass.

Original poster
Globaluser · 26/03/2021 21:47

Sorry, should’ve been more specific.
The first 3 are ivf. The twins are identical. This last pregnancy was not meant to happen. So the 4 under 4 are not by choice.
I think we will manage fine during day. It’s just night times I’m worried about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Globaluser · 26/03/2021 21:49

@Cocomarine hi and thank you. The apartment is new build and very soundproof. So neighbours are not a problem.
We don’t have family help around. But we will have hired help during day 🙂

OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 26/03/2021 21:52

Get 3YO into a good routine, presumably they're sleeping through the night?

Do the twins wake much at night? I would say they are DHs responsibility while you take the newborn, especially if you're breastfeeding.

Is your eldest in childcare as over 3 would be eligible for free hours. I would recommend putting them in for at least a few hours a week to give you a break. Even better if you can get the twins in childcare at the same time so you can have a nap with the baby.

Tobebythesea · 26/03/2021 21:59

Nurofen and anbesol for the twins.

Lots of single portions of ready meals in the freezer.

White noise machine if you do not have it already. Lots of fresh air during the day to burn off energy, rain or shine.

Really strict bedtimes.

Contraception sorted ASAP.

Tobebythesea · 26/03/2021 22:01

I would definitely agree with the comment above about childcare for the other 3 if you can afford it, even if it’s 2 mornings a week. It will save your sanity.

keepingmindful · 26/03/2021 22:06

I had 4 under 5 and it was blinking hard at the time. DH was responsible for older 2 whilst I concentrated on the twin babies. Use childcare and family where you can, some church associated pre schools are cheap and ring up your health visitor for some support and guidance. Get out when you can and you will survive. Now they are teenagers I actually look back at that time with such happiness although admittedly I enjoy my sleep now after the early years x

Sunshine1235 · 26/03/2021 22:11

Divide and conquer. DH takes on the older ones while you deal with the newborn. If you luck out and get a baby who sleeps well at any point in the first year then you can step in with the others too but really he’ll have to deal with the bulk of it. Co sleep if that helps, good bedtime routines for everyone and just get through these next couple of years the best you can

Leeds2 · 26/03/2021 22:13

You might be able to get a Home Start volunteer for a couple of hours a week? They would be available to chat, advise, maybe play with the 3 year old or go with you to the park with all of them.

Yumskiyorks · 26/03/2021 22:14

Sometimes local collages will allocate a nursery student who is at the college to help parents with twins or close age gaps. I had this .
It helps the student with essays and practical experince like volutary work.
If all dc wake at.night split the dc between you so that you get chance to sleep . Eg when we had a new born and a toddler dh did toddler and i did baby. I also went to sleep when the baby and toddler did. I breast.fed. so i did say 9 pm.feed then went to.bed at same time as baby hoping for 3 to 4 hours sleep. .
My best move was to do any jobs inc cook tea in the morning before anyone tired . Go out each am rain or shine for fresh air. Also.when playgroups open go so that you get a break ish .

Doona · 26/03/2021 22:14

How can the apartment be both not very soundproof and at the same time very soundproof? Hmm

Insomnia5 · 26/03/2021 22:18

So you had your first by ivf. Managed to conceive twins by ivf a few weeks later. You’re now expecting your fourth conceived a few weeks after that, in a new build apartment that’s very soundproof but not soundproof?

Original poster
Globaluser · 26/03/2021 22:20

@Doona The inner walls are not. But the outer walls that are adjoining the apartment next door are. If that makes sense...

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 26/03/2021 22:21

To be honest, 9 months ago you had twins under a year old, a toddler and a sex life.

There is nothing we can reach you here about coping 🤣👊🏼

Original poster
Globaluser · 26/03/2021 22:21

@Insomnia5 Erm what?

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 26/03/2021 22:22

@Insomnia5

So you had your first by ivf. Managed to conceive twins by ivf a few weeks later. You’re now expecting your fourth conceived a few weeks after that, in a new build apartment that’s very soundproof but not soundproof?
😂😂😂
Original poster
Globaluser · 26/03/2021 22:23

@Cocomarine so true 😂

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 26/03/2021 22:44

A night Nanny would be a perfect solution. Bring baby to you for night feeding, settle the twins, get them in a routine.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/03/2021 22:53

@Insomnia5

So you had your first by ivf. Managed to conceive twins by ivf a few weeks later. You’re now expecting your fourth conceived a few weeks after that, in a new build apartment that’s very soundproof but not soundproof?
You may want to check your maths.
Doona · 26/03/2021 23:02

I think put whoever is sleeping through on one side of the apartment and whoever is not on the other with one caring adult (probably you if breastfeeding sorry). Then, the adult who got to sleep through has to try to do everything they can in the day and also be the one to maintain calm and think straight, which is impossible when sleep deprived.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 26/03/2021 23:02

I think you should probably just accept that life will be very full on for the foreseeable and take it one day at a time. Don't expect too much of yourself - 'everybody fed, nobody dead' is a bit reductive but that's the general idea! You'll lift your head up in a couple of years and realise that it's gradually getting a bit easier. Good luck!

RevolvingPivot · 26/03/2021 23:17

I've got a headache just thinking about that.

Your question sounds like you're taking that piss?

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