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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much input did you have in your hen do?

29 replies

HenDo999 · 26/03/2021 19:11

My best friend is getting married and I’m honoured to be her MOH.

However the hen do is driving me mad. Her and her partner want a joint hen do, at a certain location, with chosen activities.

It’s a beach location, not many hotels to choose from and it’s starting to feel like myself and the guests will be tagging along with a romantic weekend away.

I’m not sure as MOH if I can step up and tell the bride it’s not happening?!

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 26/03/2021 19:19

A joint hen do ! That's just a night out pre wedding then isn't it not exactly a hen do ! If the cost is getting too much you need to say . Has she asked you to organise it ?

ElderMillennial · 26/03/2021 19:20

I organized my own but that's unusual.

Most I've been to have been organised by the MOH and the bride certainly wasn't giving orders.

It sounds like she's using her as a PA. You have to do what works for the other people attending too.

GintyMcGinty · 26/03/2021 19:21

My hen do was a nice meal in an Italian restaurant for my friends and female relatives.

I picked the restaurant and guest list.

ElderMillennial · 26/03/2021 19:24

I assumed this was a holiday abroad or weekend away rather than a night out?

DH and I had our own hen and stag dos (weekends away) and we had a joint night out for drinks but that was just meeting at a bar so not much organisation involved.

Lockheart · 26/03/2021 19:26

Another hen do thread with an unreasonable bride wanting an expensive days-long affair. All in 24 hours. What are the odds?

BackforGood · 26/03/2021 19:27

Mine was a meal out, which I organised.

Work did organise me another one - but I was (co-incidently) leaving work at the same time as getting married, so they arranged a leaving do and someone made a fancy hat for me.

Yes, in your position I would be saying I didn't want to get involved - even ignoring the fact travel is going to be uncertain for a long time to come.

tattychicken · 26/03/2021 19:29

I organised my own too. Joint stag and sounds a bit shit. Suggest they organise it themselves to help with the coordination of both sides? Otherwise it will be a nightmare.

user1493413286 · 26/03/2021 19:30

I said what location I wanted (anywhere within a certain city), that I wanted a particular type of food one night and couple of activity ideas but they were fairly generic hen activities so I knew none of it would be tricky

Bourbonic · 26/03/2021 19:32

Christ! As if a hen do wasn't bad enough, surely a joint one just defeats the entire point.

MrsGogolsGumbo · 26/03/2021 19:34

My MOH had full control, she had sounded me out on things I might like to do a while before the day and incorporated one of those things into the hen party. It was great fun and I think everyone enjoyed themselves!

I did put my foot down and say in no uncertain terms was there to be a stripper, seriously I would just walk out of the door if one turned up.

I felt I had to say this because I really would have not enjoyed it but there are a few who were in my hen party that would have thought this was "a laugh" so it was a strong possibility that without pre warning it would have happened.

Is it possible to talk to her about an alternative and raise some gentle concerns?

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 26/03/2021 19:34

Surely they would organise this themselves then? Otherwise they're just demanding that you organise a weekend away for them. You're the MOH not a holiday rep. I think you should just tell them that as they have quite specific demands they need to arrange it themselves as you're sure you won't end up doing it right.
My bridesmaids know me very well and I trusted them to arrange all of it. I was just told the time they'd collect me and a rough idea of what to pack. It was absolutely amazing and the cheapest out of all our hens by a mile as they knew that was important to me, that I wouldn't expect people to spend a lot or not be able to come because of the price.
They either leave/trust you to organise something yourself or they bloody well do it themselves. If it were me I'd tell them to do the latter so they can't complain to you about any bits that aren't right.

BackforGood · 26/03/2021 19:38

Is her partner also a woman ?
Or is this a stag do and hen do combined ?

crosstalk · 26/03/2021 19:53

Can we get the government to ban hen and stag dos? Please? Or put a statutory limit on what can be spent pp and who goes along (no mothers).

Oh no, then I wouldn't have anything to comment on on Mumsnet.

Itstheprinciple · 26/03/2021 19:56

I organised mine. A meal and a dance then home. Happy days.

princesspeppax · 26/03/2021 19:58

I knew nothing about mine until the day, I wasn't told location, type of event, even what I was wearing until the day of if and I only found out the day 3/4 weeks before. My MOH organised it all perfectly, with absolutely 0 input from me.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 26/03/2021 20:01

@Bourbonic

Christ! As if a hen do wasn't bad enough, surely a joint one just defeats the entire point.
There is a point to having a hen do? Pray tell.

Unless the point is just to piss everyone off.

Gumandbass · 26/03/2021 20:05

I organised both of mine. Booked at table & called friends & family to invite them. I would let the couple crack on & organise it themselves, others can choose to join them or not. Don't commit yourself financially in any way.

notanothertakeaway · 26/03/2021 20:08

I suggested a meal and who to invite. My friend chose the restaurant and made the booking

NotATomato · 26/03/2021 20:12

None! I was told to turn up at a certain airport and got taken away for the weekend. I knew nothing!

Thewinterofdiscontent · 26/03/2021 20:18

Me. My bridesmaids were a bit young and MOH was out of area.
It’s was a night in lovely wine bar and everyone I knew turned up. Was a riot and cheep and cheerful.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/03/2021 20:47

I organised my own as didn’t want the task or costs to fall to my friends for something that was for me.

shouldistop · 26/03/2021 20:49

I organised my own to make sure it wasn't too expensive etc.

abstractprojection · 26/03/2021 21:48

I had two. First organised by myself for bridesmaids but was really just picking a spa, date and time and then everyone booked what they wanted. Second was organised by SIL a meal in a restaurant for all the women in the family, but again little fuss just pick a place, date and time and let people know

Both were relatively inexpensive and easy to get too which I think keeps things simple

DdraigGoch · 27/03/2021 05:41

@Lockheart

Another hen do thread with an unreasonable bride wanting an expensive days-long affair. All in 24 hours. What are the odds?
Was there ever a thread 2 for the £1k one?
Seafog · 27/03/2021 05:57

I had zero say, it was a surprise party thrown for me by my MIL and beat friend, together.
It was an old fashioned house party, with a luncheon spread, party games, and all ages of ladies from a wide circle of friends and family.
I don't care if it was naff, I had a lovely day

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