is this mum at school out of order and how should i deal with it?

[KettleBellKitty]

Ds2 just 8, has told me that a boy in his class has said that he has been told by his mother that he is not allowed to play with ds2. Now his mother is a very odd woman. She only has the one son and is obviously very precious about him.
Ds2 has been snubbed by her before, not invited to birthday parties, always having an excuse why he can't go round to play etc. I haven't been much bothered up until now, these things happen.
However, when I heard that she'd told her son not to play with mine I was livid.
Ds2 is lively, but no more so than any other boy in his class. The boy concerned is quite happy to play with him when his mother is not doing dinner lady duty, so it's not as if he doesn't like him. He just said that he couldn't play with him when his mother was watching.
I think it's shocking behaviour.
I might not like some of ds2's friend choices but I would never tell him to ignore a child he wanted to play with .
It concerns me also that this woman is a part time dinner lady at the school, responsible, to a degree for the welfare of the children and that she then has an attitude like this..
I am going to say something, but I would like ideas as to how I might put things. Or should I just slap her?

Message withdrawn

Agree with doddledoo's post of Thu 08-Nov-07 21:58:28

Glad you said something to her that sort of thing would really play on my mind. If it was just another mother then I probably would not have said anything but the fact that she is sometimes responsible for your child as a dinner lady makes me think it is right to say something, if there are any more problems I would speak to the head or a teacher.

That must make me a bitch then as there have been many times over the years I've had to advise my kids to choose their friends wisely although not told them not to actually play with a child.

However, as she is a midday supervisor this is a little different and is worth mentioning to the head.

I too have 'advised' my kids to stay away from other children, if they have had trouble with them. It is only advice though and they never take it anyway.
I think this woman is pretty toxic anyway. If there is any trouble with her when she is 'supervising' then I will go to the head. I shall keep my beady eye on things.

I think you did just the right thing. You didn't go in, all guns blazing, just let her know, that you know whats going on. Good move. She sounds like a right royal pita! I think everyone's got one of those in the playground, I know we have.

Stay out of the playground Let the children play and make there own games and learn from them - thats what the play ground is for.

Ivy, I can see this kid living with his mother at 40! She would stay with him all day at school if she could!

My dad wouldn't allow to me date black boys when I was at school - or university for that matter! It's frustrating when parents think they can control who you have in your life, but my dad didn't want me to get a reputation and maybe this woman thinks your son is a bad influence. Maybe he's been in trouble, or her son has told her about something your son did, or maybe she caught him thieving - it could be anything really! My suggestion is to put the onus on to her - if she complains to you that she doesn't want her son and yours to play together just make it clear that she will have to enforce it on her own because you don't have any objection to them being together. Boys often play in groups so she will have to effectively stop him playing with all his little friends to stop him playing with some.

'My dad wouldn't allow to me date black boys when I was at school.......... but my dad didn't want me to get a reputation'

'........ maybe she caught him thieving - it could be anything really!'

what happened to two sides to every story? how does op know for sure what went on between the boys? Maybe the mother/dinner lady one tried to help them avoid future conflict eg 'stop fighting you two and go and play with other kids'

i think id chat to the teacher about it sometime - not specifically but about my own child - to get an up to date picture

newgirl, the thing is that the child is a bit of a whinging mummy's boy.
He's know for laying it on when it suits him, not all the time but he does it. I think he's ok actually, ds2 certainly has 'friends' who are far worse!!
I think the truth of it is that she finds ds2 not to the sort of child she wants her precious only child to associate with.
That doesn't really bother me per se, it's the telling her son not to play with mine when he wants to, that bothers me!!
nasty cow.

What an inflammatory post Ms Woodhouse

I should think there are quite a few racsist parents around, hopefully fewer now than there used to be.

A reputation? Oh goodie. I married a black man - tell me, what has that done for my reputation? Am I beyond redemption? Will I go to hell? Should I wear a badge saying SLUT, Queue here?

Wisteria

Ignore RosemaryWoodhouse her posts are all odd if do a search on her name you see what i mean.

As to the op i think you did the right be letting her know that your ds had mention what had happen to you.

ah thanks for the tip - can't be bothered to do a search though, will believe you!! Am stuck in 80's indie nostalgia thanks to the other thread - is quite nice there so might stay a while.........

There's nothing wrong with marrying a black man! But my dad is against interracial relationships so there is no way he would have stood for his blonde, blue eyed 15 y/o daughter getting corked by a black man under his roof! We came from a rough area and white girls that did go with Asians and blacks were regarded as skanks, that's what I meant by a reputation. I hate him - he bullied my brother and stopped him from learning the piano because it was 'gay'

If your husband is accepted by your family then you are very lucky to have such tolerant parents.

Oh rosemarywoodhouse, how I ahve missed her, the first of my MN threads I ever read was by her.
One regarding the child that was possessed I think, and another about a lost child possibly ruining her 'sweethearts' career, I ahve to say,s he is a much more interesting troll-type than the young man who has found out he is a lesbian after discovering his teenage son wears nappies.

?????????????????????????????

My sweetheart feels very guilty about the lost child.

Sure he does 'Rosemary'.

RosemaryWoodhouse- you have been rumbled as a total bampot, heidbanger, silly arse on your other stoopid thread. go away

I can't work RW out. I can't work out whether she's for real or not.

What lost child?

What are you talking about?

That was a very strange comment to make RW.

You need professional help.