is this mum at school out of order and how should i deal with it?

[KettleBellKitty]

Ds2 just 8, has told me that a boy in his class has said that he has been told by his mother that he is not allowed to play with ds2. Now his mother is a very odd woman. She only has the one son and is obviously very precious about him.
Ds2 has been snubbed by her before, not invited to birthday parties, always having an excuse why he can't go round to play etc. I haven't been much bothered up until now, these things happen.
However, when I heard that she'd told her son not to play with mine I was livid.
Ds2 is lively, but no more so than any other boy in his class. The boy concerned is quite happy to play with him when his mother is not doing dinner lady duty, so it's not as if he doesn't like him. He just said that he couldn't play with him when his mother was watching.
I think it's shocking behaviour.
I might not like some of ds2's friend choices but I would never tell him to ignore a child he wanted to play with .
It concerns me also that this woman is a part time dinner lady at the school, responsible, to a degree for the welfare of the children and that she then has an attitude like this..
I am going to say something, but I would like ideas as to how I might put things. Or should I just slap her?

fight fight fight
how horrible, had same/similar thing, to my dd, "my mum doesnt like you"
a slapping definately in order

I'd leave it.

Her loss.

she'll soon learn that she can't dictate who her child wants to play with!

Ignore it.Nothing you can do.

I would leave it too tbh.

But I would definitely make it my duty to find out why the bitch doesn't like your ds, or possibly you.

The bitch.

But I don't want such a nasty, spiteful woman being a dinner lady at school. And I want her to know that I know. It won't change things but I want to make her squirm.

yes, I'd possibly tell all my school mates that she was mad as a bag of snakes and have a right good bitch about it (that will make you feel better) and then leave it

try goihng out of your way to be friendly to her, that might shut her up!

It's bad for her child as it sets up a situation where he feels he has to deceive his mother. The one thing I would say is that children can get hold of the wrong end of the stick. She may not have said quite that.

She is know by one other mum as "the poison dwarf"

Hmm I'm not really sure what you could say really.

If people insist on being stupid, there's not that much you can do about it. As far as children's welfare goes, this isn't big enough for it to matter to her employers; and if she's the sort of woman who tells her child not to play wiht other children, it's unlikely that she'll respond to reason.

Also what can I say to ds2 to make him feel better. he obviously feels hurt by this.

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You are not going to rest until you say something, so say it.

The considered opinion on MN is leave but you don't want to so say whatever it is you feel needs saying.

This could well be bad advice because I am an impetuous hot head, but frankly...I would go and see the head teacher about it (but then my experience is of a small village school - might be more difficult if you don't know the head I suppose)

I would feel vindicated in doing this because the woman is employed by the school.

If she didn't work at the school I would approach her and give her a piece of my mind (told you I am an impetuous hothead)

Doodle isn't an impetuous hothead and seems to favour the same approach!

I would tell him the god honest truth.

That his friend's mother wants to try and choose who he plays with rather than letting him choose his own mates and isn't that a bit silly.

Hopefully he won't ask too much more than that!

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Thanks for the advice

Another thing to say to your DS is to make sure he has a few friends, not just one, that way, if we falls out with one of them (which they all do from time to time) he'll always have someone else to play with.

Thankfully, boys are not too bad at this anyway. Its murder with my DD though when her one and only friend decides not to play with her. Then I get it in the neck from DD!!!

Don't say anything - try to rise above it all.

i agree with fox. tell your ds she's silly and hopefully he will pass that message on to said boy who in turn will pass it to silly mother who will then feel (hopefully)

Kitty here, just playing around with new names, as you do!
well I has a chat with evil mother this morning, it went something like this:
"hello evil mother can I have a quiet word ( before I punch you in the face)?
Ds2 is under the misapprehension ( I knew she wouldn't understand that so I said it)that you have told you son not to play with him. I'm sure that can't be right he must have misunderstood you......."
She kind of shrank into herself and mumbled something about ds2 'picking on' her son last term and she'd told her son to keep out of the way of children that upset him. Now that's fair enough I do the same BUT her son is a well know sneaky trouble maker. Ds2 might be boisterous but he doesn't pick on people.
She said she would have a word with her son to clear things up. I doubt if she will and I don't care tbh. I just wanted her to know that I knew what she'd been doing.
It's small village school so this kind of thing really sticks out.
There, I feel better now

Ah, but if her son is a well-known sneaky troublemaker, isn't it possible that he interpreted his mum's words to keep away from kids that upset him as 'my mum says I'm not allowed to play with you?'

Just wondering... glad you feel better!

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