To give the school chance to handle this, then step in if i need to?

MrsHusky · 2021-03-26T14:03:55+00:00

Something and nothing.. DD is 12 and in Yr 7, yesterday two boys who she thinks were yr 8 stopped her when she'd just left the bathroom and told her their friend wanted to have anal sex with her. She told her PE teacher, and then had to fill a form in recounting the incident, and was told they'd look at the school CCTV and deal with it. I'm happy to give them chance, and have told DD that she did the right thing, they were wrong to say that to her, and that i'm proud she handled it so well and told the teachers. I also said that i would give the school chance to handle it today, and then enquire about it on monday to find out what happens. The sticking point here for me is that in light of recent events with sexual harassment, i'm upset about the sexual nature of such a comment to a 12yo from older boys.. i kind of feel at 13/14 years old, they're old enough to know better and it should be dealt with fairly harshly as its not 'normal' bullying.. its abusive/sexual harassment of my daughter. How would you handle this?

NavaniKholinRocks · 26/03/2021 14:08

My kids are younger, but I think your approach is right - you’ve validated how your daughter handled it and need to give the school time to react. I do think it’s also ok to follow it up and find out what process has been applied (minus identifying details of course) as you’re obviously a concerned parent.

Hufflepuffsunite · 26/03/2021 14:10

Have the school not contacted you about it? I work in a secondary school and I'm sure either the HoY or tutor would ring home for an incident of this nature. If that's happened then, yes, fine - let them deal with it (they won't necessarily tell you what sanction/s have been put in place for the boys though). If they haven't, I'd definitely ring up and have a quick chat with someone about it to make sure they are dealing with it!

LolaSmiles · 26/03/2021 14:13

I think you've done the right thing. You've been there for your daughter, validated her experience and praised her for reporting it.

I wouldn't expect school to report to you the nature of the sanction for another child, but if you wanted to do a follow up call with the safeguarding leader or Head of Year then that is also an option as the PE teacher will have passed this on.

zafferana · 26/03/2021 14:14

That's horrible OP. Your poor DD

Yr 8 is age 12-13, which is very young to be starting your career sexually harassing younger girls.

I agree that the school should deal with it, but I would want to know exactly what is being done and making sure that the whole year group is being talked to about sexual harassment and the seriousness/how unacceptable this sort of talk is and the kind of impact it has.

The sexual harassment of girls at school by boys is big news this week, so I think I'd be wanting to be reassured that the school takes a 'zero tolerance' approach on this with harsh punishments for those who engage in it.

cryh · 26/03/2021 14:15

I would let the school investigate - but would have sent an email to head of year to say I had had the incident report and would like to know what school are doing to make sure this doesn't happen to your DD again.

MimiSunshine · 26/03/2021 14:17

If the school haven’t contacted you about it by now I’d be calling them today. Why wait until Monday?
IMO the school should have let you know about it and at least given you a timeframe for what they’ll be doing I.e. Friday we’ll checking the CCTV and asking parents to come in on Monday and will have agreed sanctions by COP

Plumbear2 · 26/03/2021 14:42

Did this really happen? All tne high schools I know of including my own child's are operating in year group bubbles. They carnt even move around school. Without being escorted by staff to ensure year groups don't mix.

Hufflepuffsunite · 26/03/2021 15:07

@Plumbear2 certainly not the case in my school. Pupils moving around as normal (via a one way system and with staggered timings but since these are only 5 mins apart there are definitely times in the day when year groups can and do meet). We aren't escorting anyone anywhere - there's not enough staff for that!

AppleKatie · 26/03/2021 15:12

Yeah, it did happen.

Why would you feel, this week of all weeks the need to come on a thread like this one and express disbelief?

Of course year groups can meet in corridors and around school. At a secondary near me they haven’t got enough loos to designate by year group so they are all using the same ones.

Original poster

MrsHusky · 26/03/2021 15:31

@Plumbear2

Did this really happen? All tne high schools I know of including my own child's are operating in year group bubbles. They carnt even move around school. Without being escorted by staff to ensure year groups don't mix.

Yes, because like others have said, while the school is working on a 5 minute delay between year groups to try and prevent them mixing, there are occasions.. like DD going to the bathroom between lessons, where paths may cross, especially outside the sports buildings.

I took previous OP's advice and rang the pastoral team, they knew about it.. unfortunately the school cctv scans, so missed the interaction, but they've said if DD wants she can see photos of the boys in yr 8 to see if she can identify them, and if anything else is said, go straight to her Pastoral Head and tell them.

I did ask if there were any plans to have a chat to the boys in school about sexual language towards the female students, and she said she thought it was a good idea and noted it down.. i'll probably chase it up again next week, but at the moment i don't suppose there is much more they can do.

OP posts:

Binjob118 · 26/03/2021 15:37

Honestly, this is why I chose single sex for my DD's. It's bad enough putting up with crap on the way to school but I'd rather my younger daughters at least had a safe space at school. I know it's not most boys who do this but it's enough.

luckylavender · 26/03/2021 15:43

@Binjob118 - single sex schools present different problems though

minniemoocher · 26/03/2021 15:59

I would do exactly what you did, also reassure your dd handled it very well and perhaps suggest a mother/dd trip out (ok options limited but a walk and a hot chocolate) to highlight how proud you are of her.

It's completely wrong of them but I also think that the school is looking into it and they may not realise that it would be taken more seriously than a joke, they are also kids, how they said it makes a difference too. Yes wrong but let school deal with it

fairycakes1234 · 26/03/2021 16:03

@Binjob118

Honestly, this is why I chose single sex for my DD's. It's bad enough putting up with crap on the way to school but I'd rather my younger daughters at least had a safe space at school. I know it's not most boys who do this but it's enough.

Single sex schools can be worse, I had to take my daughter out of our local school due to extreme bullying from 3 girls, it was awful. She is in mixed school now and loving it.

Usagi12 · 26/03/2021 16:10

@Plumbear2

Did this really happen? All tne high schools I know of including my own child's are operating in year group bubbles. They carnt even move around school. Without being escorted by staff to ensure year groups don't mix.

Oh yes a girl has reported sexual harassment but of course she's lying! Didn't take long for someone to pop up with that one. She's telling the truth. When was the last time you were in a school? Of course they mingle, especially at breaks/toilets.

Binjob118 · 26/03/2021 16:13

Bullying can happen anywhere. Sexual bullying of girls mainly comes from boys. I just think girls between 11-16 benefit from being sheltered from the worst of it until they are old enough to deal with it effectively.

fairycakes1234 · 26/03/2021 16:18

@Binjob118

Bullying can happen anywhere. Sexual bullying of girls mainly comes from boys. I just think girls between 11-16 benefit from being sheltered from the worst of it until they are old enough to deal with it effectively.

3 daughters and never have been bullied by boys, but 2 of them by girls, a lot of abuse.

Lovethewater · 26/03/2021 19:41

I think you did the right thing giving the school a chance to deal with this first, however would definitely chase it up next week. I think I would contact the Head of Year or Head Teacher rather than the pastoral care team as this needs to be addressed. I would suggest you email detailing what your daughter has told you - so it is on record - and request they contact you to discuss as a priority. Behaviour such as this is absolutely not acceptable.

crosstalk · 26/03/2021 19:47

Anal sex from a 14 year old boy? Who are these people?

Sirzy · 26/03/2021 19:52

It sounds like school are thankfully taking the right approach.

Sadly too many boys say things like this thinking it makes them big and clever and the culture around that needs to change

DoorhandlesUnited · 26/03/2021 19:55

I took previous OP's advice and rang the pastoral team, they knew about it.. unfortunately the school cctv scans, so missed the interaction, but they've said if DD wants she can see photos of the boys in yr 8 to see if she can identify them, and if anything else is said, go straight to her Pastoral Head and tell them.

I did ask if there were any plans to have a chat to the boys in school about sexual language towards the female students, and she said she thought it was a good idea and noted it down.. i'll probably chase it up again next week, but at the moment i don't suppose there is much more they can do.

They don't sound very proactive. Sounds like they wouldn't have tried to identify the boys if you hadn't phoned. And it had to be suggested to them to have a chat with boys about sexual harassment.

JustNotFunAnymore · 26/03/2021 19:58

@Plumbear2

Did this really happen? All tne high schools I know of including my own child's are operating in year group bubbles. They carnt even move around school. Without being escorted by staff to ensure year groups don't mix.

My kids school is the same as yours. My friends kids school is the opposite and they all move around pretty much as normal.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 26/03/2021 20:00

I think school's response has been really weak OP and I work in a school.

This should be being treated quite seriously imo, it's sexual harassment. They don't seem very proactive about identifying the boys do they?