Was being in love/seeing someone easier in the 90s? (if you had prospective partners then so you know rather than imagining))

[me4real]

Tate McRae has a new song out where she says being in love/seeing someone was somehow easier in the 90s. (She's only 17 so she wouldn't know.)

I don't think that being in love/seeing someone was any easier then. What's your opinion on? (If you were actually there and seeing prospective boyfriends.) Obviously if you weren't there or seeing people then, you can comment but you don't actually know for sure because you weren't there.

I'm 44 so I was 13-23ish in the 90s or something. (Birthday is 1st Feb.)

YABU - it was easier YANBU- it wasn't any easier

I can see the arguments why people might think it was easier maybe- no online dating etc.

Oh I just thought of a thing that is definitely harder nowadays- getting a man to wear a condom, even for the first few weeks or whatever. It has often been difficult in the past of course, but in the 90s it was easier than it is nowadays because people had safer sex drilled into them more due to there being limited treatment for HIV/AIDS.

I was dating in the 80s. Things l think were easier:
Bf would arrange to call you say at 8pm. Would call on house phone and that was it. No waiting every minute for a reply to a message or sending good morning/ night messages and getting upset if none came. Arranged to meet up later in the week so you could go on with your life knowing that was sorted so no sitting around wondering what was happening.
No seeing girls your age on line looking fab so completely happy with how you look as, except for better looking friends you had nothing to compare with.
There was ghosting ( l was ghosted once although we didn't know that term then!)..so guy never called when said he would but l don't think it was as common as guys were usually local so you were bound to bump into them around. No breaking up by text so had to have the decency to say something.

And of course the letters were lovely

I was at school in the 90's so only teenage dating which I think was preferable to today. Although we used to hang about on parks with cheap cider and 20/20. That's not a thing for my teen.

Dated dh early 00's which I suspect I would prefer to nowadays. Tinder and social media feel very superficial.

I'm 45 but had a full on relationship from 17, so 1993, and then a couple of ....whatevers...after that.

I would say it was much easier but because of...I don't know, cultural zeitgeisty reasons? I don't use much social media, MN yes, but nothing with real info.

There's an entire culture around the internet and what things mean. I think there's a big problem with porn and expectations on appearances.

I think people are more likely to judge on political views etc.

I had no idea there were issues around condom use now.

It’s impossible to say isn’t it? Nobody has dated in the same way in the 90’s and the 2010/20’s. If you were in your twenties in the 90’s you would have been looking for something different than if you dated as a 40 year old now - fuck.. 50 year old?!
As a 50 year old you know yourself and what you want, you likely have your own home and career and are looking at dating as an addition to your life, in your twenties you are more likely to be looking either for a fling or someone to build an entire life with. They are just totally different experiences.

It's hard to say whether it was easier but I definitely wouldn't fancy the dating world today. It seems to be more ruthless with less of a proper 'courting' period.
In terms of getting to know someone, most people can find out what they want about a prospective partner without even speaking to them. In the 90's you actually had to speak to someone to find out about their family, interests, who they went to Santa Ponsa with when they turned 18!

"They are just totally different experiences."

Are they though? If people are looking for a connection, does that change much?

For me it was harder because i didnt love myself

Bf would arrange to call you say at 8pm. Would call on house phone and that was it. No waiting every minute for a reply to a message or sending good morning/ night messages and getting upset if none came. Arranged to meet up later in the week so you could go on with your life knowing that was sorted so no sitting around wondering what was happening.

@junebirthdaygirl We would still be waiting for people to call at some points though, hoping they would call. If anything it was harder because at least if someone doesn't reply to you now, you maybe know where you stand more quickly.

No seeing girls your age on line looking fab so completely happy with how you look as, except for better looking friends you had nothing to compare with.

I certainly wasn't 100% happy with how I looked and I don't think most people were. There were still models etc, and seeing other women around. But I agree maybe more is expected of women with more involved makeup, filters meaning we don't know what people look like etc. One thing I do like is the current trend where bigger bums are in, stick-thin is not what we're supposed to aim for. But then again, that's still something girls work at in the gym etc, it's not necessarily an average woman's natural shaped bum that's praised, but one that's a result of lots of exercises or padding/implants if most people want to achieve it.

I was kind of ghosted once. I think that people often had to have a conversation saying why they were dumping you was harder really, as they listed the things they thought were crap about you, rather than just blocking or sending a text saying 'I don't think we're compatible' etc. So those words of being dumped maybe stuck with us more.

There seems to be less chance meetings face to face in bars/clubs (even pre covid).

Agree with this. I remember being in a be with some friends before Covid and a lot of the younger people had their eyes glued to Tinder on their phones and didn't engage with any of the people around them! There must be a lot of tiresome first dates realising you have nothing to talk to someone about because you haven't had a chance to chat to them before the date.

Get all that me4real...maybe l am looking back through rosetinted glasses. But l definitely benefited from not taking selfies and looking at gorgeous people online constantly. Was pretty relaxed about looks/ clothes etc although l did like to look nice.

My son tells me it is now almost socially unacceptable to give a stranger your number or flirt IRL with someone you don’t know. I’m not sure how literally to take him, but I certainly can see that most dating is now arranged online and the serendipity & spontaneity we all enjoyed has been mostly lost. Which is sad.

It was easier because I was younger, out every weekend, dressed up and drinking in bars with tons of men around.

For a 20-30 year olds now it should be the same (albeit for covid). And they have the option of OLD, too.

For me now, it's harder. Older, wiser, more nervous and out in bars less.

For sure it's harder now we're older. I think there's an age when people somehow mingle more and make friends- like, say, late teens to late 20s or something, people tend to be more open to making new friends and going out.

Also, now I look older, so I'll have to try and sell my personality instead.

I dated in the 90's. The main thing I remember was how brutal it was when you split up and never saw him or his friends or family ever again

But, much as I hated that, I now realise it did help / force you to move on. Nowadays, you'd probably be Facebook friends with them, which is bittersweet