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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I cook yummy home cooked stuff everynight, AIBU to expect dh to eat his 're-heated'?

44 replies

handlemecarefully · 08/11/2007 21:43

You know how I need mumsnet to navigate through the minefield of my relationship with dh

Anyway, dh is workaholic. Self employed so no requirement for him to work late and materialise at 20.00 / 20.30 / 21.00 etc but he is completely driven so he does do long hours (unnecessarily imo)

The children and I generally eat around 17.30 - 18.00. I then put a portion aside for dh for later.

He was having a little oh woe is me moan tonight (when he got in 15 minutes ago) because the sugarsnap peas had wilted a little from being re-warmed in the microwave and the baked potato was a bit crusty and hard...he didn't pass comment on the re heated homemade veggie pasties...

Anyway clear inference is that I should cook tea for the children and me, and then later in the evening (when actually I consider myself 'off duty') I should re -steam from fresh a second lot of sugar snap peas, put a new potato in the oven to bake, and put a second fresh batch of pasties in.

What do you think?

OP posts:
2shoes · 08/11/2007 21:45

yanbu I do the same. dd has sn so no way could I cope with feeding her later and ds would fill up on crap so we have an early tea and dh mikes his, never had a complaint(would throw it at him)
you have to have time off.

Buda · 08/11/2007 21:46

You could prob guess what I think. Can't actually say as would be rude.

Next time put out the bread and cheese and tell him to make a sandwich!

gordieracer · 08/11/2007 21:46

I actually think most food tastes better reheated a couple of hours later, but he's being VERY unreasonable.
If he wants fresh veg, he needs to get him self home earlier.

cadelaide · 08/11/2007 21:47

Oh bollocks.
Same setup here, dh self-employed,often gets home late and is absurdly grateful for his several-hours-old-kept-warm meal.
How do you keep it warm, incidentally? What works best here is the plate on a saucepan of barely not-quite simmering water, tight-fitting lid on plate.
Gosh, what a lot of hyphens.

LucyElasticband · 08/11/2007 21:47

just ask if it is a cafe?

actually often i cook for dc and later for us but am deffo going off that,
so mainly reheat for the two of us

PeachesMcLean · 08/11/2007 21:49

Well, yes, it's nice to eat fresh unwilted food, and I guess it's never quite the same when it's been nuked, but cook two lots of meals??? No way. YANBU. You do home cooked food. [virtuous wifey emoticon]

LazyLinePainterJane · 08/11/2007 21:49

Tell him to cook his own!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 08/11/2007 21:51

I don't keep it warm. I re-heat it in microwave on low. Usually works okay

Thanks ladies ...I had to ask because strange as it may seem I can be very unreasonable at times and occasionally dh is right, but thought he had it wrong on this one

OP posts:
NKF · 08/11/2007 21:51

I don't know if it's reasonable to expect an adult to eat a meal, reheated or otherwise but he's being unreasonable to grumble about it.

seeker · 08/11/2007 21:58

My dp usually lets me know if he's going to eb too late to eat with us so I plan th meals to match. Casserole with potatoes or something easily heated up - and a bag of those microwave steamed veg.

Or if hes very late he has toast and gentleman's relish and a glass of red wine.

soapbox · 08/11/2007 22:10

I think possibly YABU.

There are other ways of doing things so that you can keep everyone happy! And that makes me question whether DH is a central part of your life or on the periphery.

What we do is to cook a meal for DH and I in the evening - often chatting while we do so - and we both have a large repetoire of meals we can cook from scratch in 15mins or less. We eat together - which I think is vital to our relationship although it is often 9pm (or even later) when we do so.

The following day the children either have a cooked from scratch new meal or a reheated meal from the night before if it is the kind of meal that can cope with being a day old (and again we have a lot of those kind of recipes)!

Whether the food is reheated or not, the bit I suppose I understand least is that you do not eat with your DH, but choose to eat with the children.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 08/11/2007 22:16

soapbox, I would be the size of a house if I waited until dh got home to eat, because I just couldn't stand it...(would pick, pick, pick in intervening period). People vary I suppose in terms of what suits their 'constitution', personally I struggle to eat after 7.00pm....

The alternative pov is am I on the periphery of dh's life / priorities because he chooses to work late? (and thus elects to sacrifice breaking bread with me?)

I am open to your perspective but not entirely convinced atm....

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 08/11/2007 22:17

Suppose I could cook more meals that tolerate a reheating during the week, but ....don't always want casserole or soup

OP posts:
soapbox · 08/11/2007 22:22

Mmmm - I can see where you are coming from, but very, very few couples (IME) can eat together in the early evening. The vast majority of jobs just don't allow for that! So I suppose I was looking at it from the perspective of your eating early, rather than your DH eating later being way outside the norm (IME) and therefore your eating early was the issue rather than him eating late IYSWIM.

Always accepting of course that these things are subject to compromise and negotiation[wry smile]. Why don't you do a split week and see how it works - Mon, Wed and Thurs you eat with the children cooked fresh and he has left overs, then Tues, Friday and weekend you eat with him from scratch and children have left overs?

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 08/11/2007 22:23

Ok...compromise I can try!

OP posts:
nooka · 08/11/2007 22:29

I think that if he is not good at coming home at an agreed/expected time then it is not surprising that you don't eat together and he has reheats, but do you think that if you said you would cook for him at say 7pm he'd come home for it? It's horribly easy to slip into patterns that gradually destroy relationships, I think (certainly my dh and I did). On a purely practical front I wouldn't cook the vegetables in advance, as they will not be very nice and also lose their nutritional value. Couldn't they be resteamed? I often do mine in the microwave and it works well. However I think that there may be more significant things at play here in terms of how your lives fit together.

soapbox · 08/11/2007 22:29

There are lots of things, that do bear reheating well. Chilli con carne (or vegetarian version thereof), curries, lasagne, pasta bake, lamb shanks, lancashire hot pot, fish pie, macaroni and cheese, potato baked pies (you make the whole thing in individual pie dishes then pop two in the oven for the children and cook your's and DH's later), soups, casseroles, fish and chicken parcels (put a fish fillet, or chicken breast in a parcel with julinne veggies and a knob of butter, seal in foil parcels - put in fridge and pop in the oven when required), cous cous salad, etc etc.

miobombino · 09/11/2007 10:52

I'm with Soapbox - important to eat together even if late imo - though we have an agreed cut off of 9pm if dh is very late. I'd be hungryb enough to eat an eggbox if I had to wait that long.

I have 4 dcs and they eat earlier than us, though the older 2 normally have an extra late supper too.

I have a snack while they eat, sometimes a sandwich, or a small bowl of the soup/pasta they're having, then eat with dh and we'll share some wine, set the table etc.

I've just bought a slow cooker; dcs will have their lamb shanks early, then we'll have the same later.

Alternatively i cook from scratch for me and dh and the dcs have leftovers next day.

Or, we have eg some fresh pasta from the deli - in the pan for 3-4 minutes with salad on the side. Very little work.

mishymoo · 09/11/2007 10:59

Just glanced through thread but if your DH is self employed (does he work from home?), can he not get home for about 6.00pm and you all eat together as a family and then carry on with his work?

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 09/11/2007 11:47

Yes he can mishymoo, but thinks he 'can't' if that makes sense.

OP posts:
kittock · 09/11/2007 11:54

Is it 1950 already??

mishymoo · 09/11/2007 11:58

Makes perfect sense! In that case then no YANBU. If he can get home to eat with all of you but "chooses" not to, then he should eat what you have left out for him and be thankful that you even bothered. If he still grumbles, the only solution I can think of is to tell him to cook his own dinner!

LoveAngelGabriel · 09/11/2007 12:52

Is he taking the piss? Are you his paid personal chef? My God, the cheek of some men.

OrmIrian · 09/11/2007 12:56

DH and I usually eat after the kids. But he's home a lot earlier than yours. I would hate to eat at that time of night every day. I would be starving. DH does go the gym on Friday and we eat afterwards at about 9 which is OK but only once a week.

LadySanders · 09/11/2007 13:05

hmmm, just to be controversial, i do 2 separate suppers every night, one for ds at 6pm, then one at 8pm when dp gets home, enjoy sitting down with him and eating together, would feel very weird not to. and cook him something fresh if he gets home later than usual. and i can't stand microwaved food, esp chicken or veg, so maybe i'm just transferring... then again i quite like cooking, and we tend to stand in the kitchen with a glass of wine relaxing and chatting about what we've done at work that day kind of thing.