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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if anyone successfully managed a routine with a baby?

82 replies

Toomanymuslins · 26/03/2021 12:32

By routine I mean one in books (I don’t just mean Gina Ford - any book.)

It seems impossible to me. You can’t make a baby sleep it they don’t want to but also if they are tired waking them up is difficult/impossible! And if they are hungry you know about it but likewise you can’t force them to take more milk than they want ...

Do I just have awkward sods for babies or are routines impossible?

OP posts:

LAgeDeRaisin · 26/03/2021 18:49

We did Gina Ford and it was great. Went from waking in the night at random times to sleeping through- much less crying overall. Got another on the way and planning the same. Completely understand if that doesn't work for others though - everyone finds their own method.

I think eventually routines work in principle, even if not for a young baby. There's probably a debate as to how early you should have a routine. But eventually, all children need one, and good sleep hygiene. The number of parents demanding medication for their 7, 8, 9 year old children who 'can't sleep' is really depressing and in my opinion completely unnecessary, but that's a mini rant and another story.

Original poster

Toomanymuslins · 26/03/2021 18:55

I’m not sure that’s because of lack of routine though. Routines largely exist for the benefit of adults; the babies don’t care!

OP posts:

PerspicaciousGreen · 26/03/2021 19:06

@Toomanymuslins

I’m not sure that’s because of lack of routine though. Routines largely exist for the benefit of adults; the babies don’t care!

I really think it depends on how old the baby is. My 9 month old DS became a lot happier when I forced a nap schedule on him, but at 9 weeks he was 100% un-routineable. I wish I'd realised when he was little how much they change and how suddenly it can be. I was determined with DD just to roll with the punches and not expect anything until six months, but then she sorted herself out into a nap schedule by four months!

Whatafustercluck · 26/03/2021 19:08

Depends how you define routine. If you simply roughly mean eat, play, sleep then from maybe from 4 months or so, yes. Not as a newborn, fed on demand and let them sleep when they needed.

Original poster

Toomanymuslins · 26/03/2021 19:08

Oh yeah as they transition from babies to toddlers, definitely. I was thinking more of young babies - sorry!

Mine figured out the night and day thing early but we’re hopeless at napping in the day. If left to it I really do think they’d have stayed awake all day!

OP posts:

Whatafustercluck · 26/03/2021 19:11

I did get them used to night and day pretty quickly though and never crept around them during the day. Day was noisy, light etc and night was quiet and dark. They got a bedtime 'routine' from about 8 weeks, but this was more to help them to transition their circadian rhythm.

MrsApplepants · 26/03/2021 19:13

I did GF from the day we arrived home from hospital. It worked like a dream and was wonderful. I do attribute the success with this to three things: 1. from the very first DD was put down to sleep awake so learnt to self settle very quickly. 2. I FF, I think it would have been more difficult if I had BF and needed to feed very frequently to establish a supply/ milk didn’t come in for a few days. 3. DD was an easy baby, with no health issues, a good birth weight and didn’t suffer with colic or allergies or anything, so basically luck!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/03/2021 19:14

Yes, but it was in the very olden days when 4 hourly feeding (and I was BFing) was the norm. I think dd had read all the books before she arrived, since she stuck to the schedule from the word go. 6, 10, 2, 6, 10, 2, with the small-hours 2 dropped at about 6 weeks.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 26/03/2021 19:15

Mine developed her own routine quite quickly so I just went with that. It did mean she slept through one of our baby groups every single week though!

user1471439310 · 26/03/2021 19:17

My babies are older but trying to make a baby sleep or eat when you want is hard. The more you try the harder it is.

Original poster

Toomanymuslins · 26/03/2021 19:20

Mine would have been frantic with four hourly feeds - barely make it to three!

OP posts:

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 26/03/2021 19:22

@Toomanymuslins

I’m not sure that’s because of lack of routine though. Routines largely exist for the benefit of adults; the babies don’t care!

I poo pooed routines when I had my first. All she needed was to be held, fed, loved etc.

Turned out that what she needed was a routine. Took us a couple of months of her being very unhappy and screaming 23409832409382% of the time for us to work that out.

The routine was incredibly inconvenient for me but it made her happy and I figured my job as a parent was to stick to it.

bridgetjones1 · 26/03/2021 19:31

@Owesye

Lived for routine with my twins.

Woke them up from naps which according to all my family was tantamount to child abuse but I needed to have them doing the same thing at the same time for my sanity.

They’re still amazing sleepers now at 4. I haven’t got up with them in the night more than 5 times since they were 6 months old.

Totally agree, I have 2 year olds twins and routine was oxygen to us. They sleep very well, always settle themselves to sleep and have done since they were about 10 months old. Only time they wake is when they are poorly or are teething (DT1 is a very late developer with her teeth, so at 2 years old she only has 4 teeth, which means we’re stuck in with teething hell for a while yet)

I would say though we did the flexible routine. I wasn’t totally rigid about it

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/03/2021 20:31

I would try and stick to the recommended max wake times for the age of the baby (they are in the red book as well as online, you can also get an app I believe). Then between those times you can feed or play whenever. They definitely sleep better if not overtired! They can sleep at home or in a pram so it doesn't limit your activity too much. I found they get into a routine themselves from about 6 months so it's a fairly short time to live with the unpredictability. I would also introduce a comfort blanket and consider a dummy as well. And keep things quiet and dark at night.

SinkGirl · 26/03/2021 23:03

I think it’s important to remember that correlation is not causation. I know lots of mums who’d say they set up a routine early and their kids are brilliant sleepers - but did the routine lead to brilliant sleep or did the routines work well because their kids were good sleepers?

I’m one of those whose kids have always been dreadful sleepers and I spent their first year beating myself up because I couldn’t get them into a routine like other parents I knew and thinking I must be doing something wrong.

I know now that they are autistic and that sleep issues are common with autistic children, but I felt like a massive failure. I know others who’ve tried everything and their babies just are not schedulable. Sometimes that happens with a second baby after a very routine led first baby and it’s a shock - one friend this happened to said she felt awful as she had actually felt a bit superior with her first baby who she easily got into a routine and thought she was just better at it than others until her second came along!

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 26/03/2021 23:16

Mine were all awful sleepers whether they were in a routine or not.

cries

spaceghetto · 26/03/2021 23:38

I did with first, it didn't work with ds2. I actually enjoyed it more the second time around, I was an absolute slave to nap times!

notangelinajolie · 26/03/2021 23:45

Yes routine. Nappy, bottle, sleep and repeat.

Hardbackwriter · 26/03/2021 23:54

It took me ages to realise with DS1 that (I guess unless you're very lucky - I'm sure someone will be along to tell me theirs did both!) you can either have a baby with a really predictable routine who takes perfectly timed naps in their cot or you can have a portable baby who fits in with you - and you don't necessarily get to choose which, but you certainly can't expect both. I realised I wanted him to be routiney if we were home but I also wanted him to just nap as and when on days when I wanted to be out all day. I think I probably could have got him into a schedule but ultimately I didn't want to enough to plan my whole life around it (obviously I would have if he was miserable without one).

44jams · 27/03/2021 03:52

How old is your baby OP? I found with mine she just fell into a routine naturally at around 6-8 months.

Our routine is a fairly loose one though - I never wake her from a nap for example unless I absolutely have to. I hate being forcibly woken from a sleep myself, it makes me feel really groggy - so I imagine my DD probably wouldn’t like it either! It’s so much nicer to wake up naturally.

Mummadeze · 27/03/2021 07:06

Deliberately avoided any type of routine at all. Was purely led by my baby and she was such an easy happy baby. Maybe I was lucky but going with the flow worked well for me.

Watchingthetelly · 27/03/2021 10:18

@SinkGirl totally agree

Glittertwins · 27/03/2021 18:49

Yes, loosely followed Gina Ford with DTs. We believe a constant bed / morning routine helped a lot as they slept through the night from 8 weeks old and the only times we have been up in the night was when they were ill.

rhowton · 27/03/2021 18:53

Yes, it saved my marriage.

betterfantasia · 27/03/2021 19:04

sinkgirl

I agree that some babies are not schedulable and it just doesn't work for them. Or it wouldn't work for their parents. I've also met some babies and thought there was a chance everyone would be happier if a schedule had been given a go. It might not have worked but it was worth a try.

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