To change mind about forgiving someone?

[sarah8484]

Has anyone ever changed their mind about forgiving someone?

You've been together for 13 years and have 3 children, but you refer to him as a boyfriend? Is there any formal recognition of your relationship? Has he made a will? Do you have a joint mortgage? Is he intending to blend your families? How does the baby's mother feel about all this?

I'd take the concept of forgiveness out of the equation. It's such a messy situation that he's landed you and your dcs in, through no fault of yours. No matter that he technically may not have done anything wrong, it's a huge ask, and your feelings matter. If your instincts are screaming NO! they should be listened to, not swept under the carpet to fester and poison your relationship not only with him but the child.

Financial support, yes, obviously. Visitation, separate from your family, possibly involving your dcs, perhaps. Might work, depends how much the dc's mother, wants to facilitate this. But I think the idea of a happy blended family where you would have to be totally on board is a complete non-starter and no one would blame you for making a stand.

It is a shit situation. I don't think forgiveness is necessary he wasn't cheating but he wasn't very responsible either.
I'm not sure I could accept the situation I'd be heartbroken things will never be the same.

How do you think he'd have reacted if you'd got pregnant by another man during that 3 month break?

I absolutely could not get past this.

Thank you all for responding. My head is just so messed up. Ive point blank told him i will not help with the child because i mentally can't deal with that and the child is his and her responsibility and not mine. He has two children from a previous relationship who i adore and love like they are my own and he is expecting the same for this new baby and I can't do it. The situation is completely different. I went into the relationship knowing about the children. This is so different and he can't get why. I have not told my children about their new sibling yet. I mean, they didn't even know dad had a new girlfriend. How do you have that conversation.

@sarah8484

Am i wrong to say I can't continue with the relationship even though he thinks were ok and im ok with it in reality im really struggling to come to terms with it all?

Absolutely not. You have to remember you don't need a "good enough" reason to break up. Whatever reason you have is good enough, regardless of what anyone else might say.

You are unhappy and you can't get past it. No one can blame you for that.

@sarah8484 If he hasc2 DC beforehand DC with you and then got his new GF pregnant, what is his issue with protection or pulling out he obviously understands biology.
You are not responsible for his choices. You don't have to deal with the consequences, he will expect you to help if he has the baby over night.
He sounds like a player, I'd leave before you've an army of stepchildren.

@PeskyRooks

How do you think he'd have reacted if you'd got pregnant by another man during that 3 month break?

I'd ask him this actually. See what his response is.