Ive come to the end of my patience with a man I was supposed to be building a future with. Everything between us was good. But there was always something in my gut about his ex. They were together for 8 years. Lived together. Never had kids because he had the snip. He said they had a boring sex life. Stopped connecting. Started wanting different things. She was out with her mates all the time and he was left home alone. I can see by her Facebook that she was on girly weekends and holidays all the time. So anyway. They split up. I've found out since he cheated on her as he was sick of her always going away.
After a year of being split he finally took the plunge. Moved out. Got his own place. Then met me 18 months after they split and 8 months after he moved out. She came up very early on. He told me she still went for the odd cuppa and chat. All sounded normal. Until I went around his house and saw a great big canvas in the hallway of them kissing at a wedding. In the living room two more photos of them were in frames. It was odd. I kept quiet for about 6 weeks before saying about the pictures. He claimed he forgot they were there and took them down. But he put them back up randomly last month. I didn't ask!
I often noticed him bringing her up. Like he had her over to tell her he was seeing someone. But despite this she continued texting him through lockdown saying she was bored and stuff. When she was in touch with him his moods were lower and he seemed abit off with me. But also I noticed sometimes he would suddenly have a big rant to me about her attitude when they were together. She came back from America and he said she was being immature and acting like something had happened with another man there for example. He would also say he didn't ever fancy her and looking back she was never right for him. He even said once he realised he never really liked her that much. Yet in the next breath he's reminiscing or nearly calling me her name on a phone call. He also seemed to want me to have my hair styled like hers.
He said in the last couple of months she had made hints recently about regretting their split and if she knew he was going to change for the better she would have tried harder to make it work. He insisted he would never want her back. Then he said she had been messaging him saying she was bored. I said well can't you meet her for a cuppa (sarcasm because they still do occasionally) he said he didn't want her around when she was being like she was as it did his head in. I asked what she was saying and he just said she just complains when she's bored and it messes his head.
We had a row a couple of weeks ago and we've been on a break. But in that time I've had Alot of time to reflect. I've come to the conclusion that it won't work between us until he's ready to stop going around in an emotional circle with his ex. It's just stopping them moving on.
It's really frustrating to see. She didn't want him anymore but it's like she isn't wanting to see him move on and wants to keep him emotionally for herself. It's the same with him. He's trying to move on but as soon as she gets in touch he's trying to fix her and be there for her.
We have started speaking again but I have sent him a message tonight saying the following.
Hi Lee. I have had Alot of time to think about things whilst we stopped speaking. I know we have sorted things but I honestly don't feel right now you are being true to me or yourself. I don't know if you realise how often you bring your ex up? You seperated two years ago and she's still very much in your life like it's a fresh breakup. I don't think emotionally the pair of you have let the other go and whilst you still have that tie with eachother it's going to be extremely hard for you to move forward. You can't commit to anyone else whilst you are so up and down with Katy. I wish you a happy future but I need someone who is 100% in and not still caught in the past. I hope you understand but it doesn't feel right for me and going forward I can see this becoming a regular issue for us.
I just feel like im in a house sale chain. She needs to sell to another man so I can have my man and feel in first place.
Anyhow. Do you think I've done the right thing? I was so sick of her name, photos and memories everywhere. I always felt there was a risk of them reuniting despite the two year split.