AIBU for raising a flaw in a plan without a solution

[Gleps]

Moved house last year and the whole place needs renovating. Garden is being done next year but DH and I agreed to do some improvements to make it more usable for the kids this summer. We were originally looking at garden furniture but at the weekend we decided it would be better to get a small bistro set with two chairs and a bench for us all to use as we don’t really host that often and we’ll get the bigger stuff once the garden is complete. We both spent time at the weekend looking but didn’t find anything we both liked.

Today it dawns on me that we have a lot of barbecues just us four and it wouldn’t really work sitting down to eat with that furniture. I mentioned it to DH and he asked what my solution was.

I explained that I didn’t know yet but I thought I should say something so he didn’t keep looking unnecessarily.

This turned into a huge row about how unreasonable I am for not having a solution. I asked if I was just meant to keep this to myself until such time that I do have a solution and apparently I am. It came out in the row that he doesn’t see why it’s a problem, the kids can sit on the floor apparently.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had this row. It’s a different topic each time but the format of the argument is always the same. If I dare to criticise something without an alternative solution he doesn’t like it.

I suspect a lot of people will say it sounds like I criticise all the time but honestly it could be something as simple as I ask him what he would like for dinner tonight. He could suggest burgers and then I raise oh we don’t have any buns. He would then respond with in a tone “well what do you want?”

So was I being unreasonable for raising a flaw in the plan of what garden furniture we were considering buying without having an alternative solution ready?

I've come across this attitude at work, where some people want you to propose a solution rather than just raising a problem. But it's weird that your own DH acts like this.

@HotPenguin funny you should say that, in the row I said to him that I’m not one of your employees at work so stop treating me like it. He clearly listened because he then asked me if my period was due!!

Ah ok, I take it from your update that he's a sexist prat then.

Even in a work situation, someone who halts work that is going to be wasted is still doing the right thing even if they don't have a solution! Does he not see the value in discussing alternatives?

Going ages the grain here, but it drives me mad when people point out a problem without suggesting a solution. This is often coupled
With ‘just saying’

The problem i fine is that nothing will now happened. It happens a lot at work, someone points out a problem, but there is often not real solution so it’s just gets put on the back burner, because we now all know there was a flaw in the original plan, so that won’t work but no workable solution. So now what.

No burger rolls - the solution is point him
In the direction of the shop.

I'm going to hazard s guess here that your problem is not with garden furniture

Might be time to have it our- what is he really upset about?

• have it out

Isn't the solution just to buy two more folding chairs? Less than a tenner each at ikea.
I get that you didn't like being managed by him but the practical issue at least has a simple fix

I can see both sides of this one. You agreed something, now you’ve changed your mind. That would annoy me a bit.

But I don’t think any of this is serious. I doubt there’s a couple on the planet who don’t bicker about stuff like this.

What makes it a problem is if, after the spat, you can’t come to an agreement.

If you get two chairs and a bench, that's enough seats for four people surely?

I can't offer any advice on your DH problem though.

[quote Gleps]@HotPenguin funny you should say that, in the row I said to him that I’m not one of your employees at work so stop treating me like it. He clearly listened because he then asked me if my period was due!![/quote]
He condescendingly asked when your period is due? Fuck that noise. Sexist moron.

I mean, I know this isn't the problem but surely the solution is to get a table with four chairs? You both sound a bit thick tbh.

Am I thick can someone explain why the original plan won’t work? Two chairs and a bench for four people sounds ok to me.

WTF none of you can work out to buy another 2 chairs.

Of course it is your responsibility to share it if you have noticed a snag in a plan. We are mid house renovation (literally every room needs something big) and we constantly have conversations about what will or won't work. It takes time to think about all the scenarios and if they are going to work. You will end up wasting money otherwise. Yes, even after you have agreed (but ideally before any non-refundable money has been spent).

Get a picnic bench from b&q for about £60. You shouldn't have to have an immediate solution to everything no, but in the burger example you could perhaps have said 'great, shall you or I pop out for the buns though'. His reaction to your 'we don't have buns' (and the period comment) though is typical male twattery. It's mental load again isn't it. You wouldn't have suggested burgers because you knew you didn't have the buns. He gets caught out not knowing and deflects onto you as the one at fault somehow.

I don't think you were criticising him.
Does your dh always escalate to arguments over small things.
We sometimes disagree but this seems a bit ridiculous.

There seems to be a bigger problem than the garden furniture as presumably the solution is...so let's buy two more chairs.

Although two chairs plus a bench should seat four already unless I've been doing sitting wrong all these years?