To still be devastated 10 years on?

[BalsamicDrizzleOnEverything]

It’s been just over 10 years since my entire family went NC with me. They have not made any effort to get in contact with my DC (who they were quite close with) in that time which I find even more upsetting.

I still can’t quite believe it and try not to think about it (trying to live my best life and all that) but when I do or I’m triggered by something it deeply upsets me and I think it will haunt me until my dying day. It’s not something I’ll ever get over.

I think this is pretty normal, after all it’s quite a big thing, whereas DH (who’s in close contact with his own family) thinks it’s not. I should be over it and not care anymore. So who’s BU?

YANBU OP.

I had a moment like this and set a parent straight on some issues. Though things are ‘normal’ on the face of it, I find it quite difficult to accept that parent doesn’t really understand or accept what I said. It’s not enough for me to go NC over, but as my sibling understands, I’d not lose my whole family over it if I did.

Not having that family is a big thing to be missing out on, especially if you’re not accepted by DH’s either. I think perhaps part of what you wanted was some acknowledgment of the upset you had as a child, and in reality instead of that and an apology, you lost your whole family.

If you know where they live still, why not write a letter. Don’t apologise if that’s not how you feel, but write down that you are sad and miss them, and that DC does too. It might do nothing, but it might also give you closure if that’s what you want. It’s really difficult to accept a situation that didn’t resolve in the way that you hoped it would. You might hear nothing from them, but as a parent I’d find it really hard not to speak to a child for 10 years.