In the middle of last year, I left my partner and father of my child. He had admitted to being physical with a colleague, and that was the end for me. After I had him leave my home (rented) he came back to see our little girl. He would come round unannounced and I allowed that to a point.
He would beg for me to take him back. Would hug and cuddle me despite saying no, and this culminated in him climbing into bed with me and having sex with me even though I said no countless times. It wasn’t violent as I froze, and due to our daughter playing next to the bed I didn’t want to make a scene. (I was feeling incredibly sick and had gone to bed while he and my daughter ate dinner as the smell was making me feel worse, my daughter came upstairs and he followed.)
I didn’t want police involved but they did become involved, and they’ve already told me the chances of conviction are under 10%. I was taken and examined, prodded, poked — I’ve been on phone calls where he has been assured that the ‘allegations have not been proven’ etc to reassure him.. But for me?
Nothing. His life has carried on. His family don’t know the reason he’s got a restraining order (I have one against him) and he’s carrying on at work like nothing has happened with vulnerable adults.
Me? I’m a mess. I can’t cope with people touching me and I struggle around anyone too close to me. I have no libido and no Will to meet anyone. Is this normal? I feel like he’s already gotten away with this, yet I’m the one who is going through absolute hell. The only thing keeping me going is my daughter.
AIBU to feel let down and alone by all this? Or is this normal? I never thought I’d be in this situation, more fool me I guess.
Replies might be sporadic, even writing this has given me anxiety.