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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you take this job?

42 replies

yellowbluefish · 23/03/2021 19:42

I have been in my job a couple of months. It's a new role which I was given after maternity leave.

It really hasn't gone well. I haven't clicked with my manager. She has very specific ideas about how she wants things to be done but no time to discuss anything so nothing is ever done to her standards (since I'm not a mind reader).

Several of the wider team are struggling with mental health/personal issues but rather than their work being deprioritised it's just dumped on the rest of us.

The communication is terrible. I've just been assigned a new member of staff with no consultation. He's an underperformer and I've been told I need to manage him out of the organisation. He was told he was being assigned to me without me having any time to understand his role or what work I am supposed to give him. He has loads of questions and I don't know how I'm supposed to answer them.

A previous manager found out I was back and has offered me a job working for her. She is fantastic, really supportive and well respected. I think it would be a far better role. It's fairly easy to transfer staff within the organisation so she could make it happen if she wanted to but it would massively piss off my current manager and her manager. I would still work with them from time to time and it would be pretty awkward. I also feel a responsibility towards the people I work with and my own direct reports (I have three in total, two plus this new person). My DH thinks I'm being ridiculous and should put myself first.

So what do you think?

YABU - stick out your current role, you can't just jump ship like this when you're an adult, you have a responsibility to see it through

YANBU - take the new job and run

OP posts:

MrPanks · 23/03/2021 19:46

Take the new job, you'd be a fool to stay in your current role!

Orchidflower1 · 23/03/2021 19:49

So suppose you dilly dally and don’t go for the job but another colleague does- how would you feel? Relieved or disappointed ? You have your answer then.

SnatchMyWeight · 23/03/2021 19:53

Run to the new job.

RonSwansonsChair · 23/03/2021 19:57

Definitely take the new job! Would your current manager put your needs ahead of her own? Of course not, and you shouldn't put her needs ahead of yours.

Original poster

yellowbluefish · 23/03/2021 20:05

Wow that's pretty conclusive!

Would nobody feel guilty/awkward leaving so soon after joining?

OP posts:

Oblomov21 · 23/03/2021 20:07

Christ almighty. Email the new manager ASAP and get moved ASAP.

altlife · 23/03/2021 20:09

It would be better for them if you were in a job you enjoyed, just as it would be much better for you.

Take it and don't look back!

burritofan · 23/03/2021 20:11

Never feel guilty about doing what’s best for you at work! Companies can be quick to shaft you and show no loyalty, treat the job the same. Ruuuuuunnnnnnnnn.

Royalbloo · 23/03/2021 20:11

Nope, you own nothing to anyone else. If you do have to stay in your current role I have some advice.

I changed managers and the first piece of work I had to do she told me exactly what she wanted me to do. I was genuinely confused so asked, "Do you want me to do as I usually would, or to do exactly what you have asked me to?" She said, "Do exactly what I have asked."

I later found out she was an older sister. I'm a little sister. Now I just give in and send her everything to sign off. Everything takes longer and it's damaging my confidence but I need to complete my Masters (which they're paying for) then I'll leave.

TokyoSushi · 23/03/2021 20:16

OP!! Take the other job!

Levirandal · 23/03/2021 20:22

Take the new role. You need to look out for yourself.

Original poster

yellowbluefish · 23/03/2021 20:23

@royalbloo that sounds like my manager to be honest except I'm not sure realises it. So she'll say "oh I don't have specific ideas on how to do this, you just go ahead". And then once the project is well underway and lots of stakeholders are involved she suddenly wades in and says she isn't happy.

I tried to prevent this recently by talking her through my approach to something step by step in advance. She agreed with it verbally and told me to go ahead. So I went away and did it and when it came to final sign off she said she wasn't happy and wanted a completely different approach! So now I think the only viable next step is to start getting approval IN WRITING every time I do something. Which is mad...

Sorry you're struggling and that it's affecting your confidence Hope you haven't got too long left until your masters is complete.

OP posts:

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 23/03/2021 20:23

Take the new job!! And tell them why you are leaving that department!

FinallyHere · 23/03/2021 20:25

Thank your lucky stars your network is working and you have been offered another role with just an internal transfer.

Take the job and be glad.

Don't let dealing with your current manager in future be awkward. You got a better all, you would be mad to not go for it.

Travis1 · 23/03/2021 20:29

Take the job and run

Undies1990 · 23/03/2021 20:36

Your DH is right, put yourself first and jump at the chance to make a move.

SarahBellam · 23/03/2021 20:49

Fucking hell - you have to ask? Go, and tell them why so they can fix the problem.

NotAPanda · 23/03/2021 20:50

Run run run you’re really lucky!

Chimeraforce · 23/03/2021 20:54

Run Forest, Run!

LindsayDenton79 · 23/03/2021 20:55

Look after number one

ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 23/03/2021 20:57

Go, go, go! No brainer OP. Goodluck and enjoy 😁

thevassal · 23/03/2021 20:58

@yellowbluefish

Wow that's pretty conclusive!

Would nobody feel guilty/awkward leaving so soon after joining?

not at all! Besides it's not as though you're leaving the organisation, you're just transferring role - which it sounds like they did to you after you came back from ML anyway so you're just doing it back!

From the company's POV, better to have a week or two of disruption and then an employee who works hard and enjoys their new role than an employee who ends up depressed/struggling/leaving completely because they still in a role they hate.

Don't worry that it might occasionally be awkward with your current boss if you move - she should be professional about it whatever happens, and you never know how long she will even stay in the role herself! If you feel really bad about your co-workers you can always offer to informally mentor your current reports even in your new role, and maybe help them move if a job comes up at a later stage.

There's nothing wrong with being nice in work but you should put yourself first and then help others when you can - fit your own oxygen mask first etc.

NotAPanda · 23/03/2021 21:10

@yellowbluefish

Wow that's pretty conclusive!

Would nobody feel guilty/awkward leaving so soon after joining?

People leaving bad teams is a natural and necessary occurrence in business. Unless you were specifically hired to turn thing around you shouldn’t feel guilty - you don’t owe anybody anything. In fact it’s the fault of whoever’s in charge of the team for such bad management. It’s not your responsibility to fix, just do what’s best for you :D

riddles26 · 23/03/2021 21:14

Take it and don't look back. If you get the chance, give honest feedback but politely and in a constructive way.

Original poster

yellowbluefish · 23/03/2021 21:31

Thanks everyone. I still feel a bit sick at the thought of leaving. I worry I'd be letting people down and upsetting them. I can be a bit of a people pleaser 😬

I think the situation with the new direct report might be the last straw though. Objectively nobody could say that hasn't been handled really badly.

OP posts:

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