To make the school aware? (TW)

[Marmight]

Yesterday my Y7 DD told me that at lunchtime, a group of Y7 boys sat nearby and openly said that it would be really funny if a group of Y7 girls got raped.

Clearly it had escaped the boys that if this would happen, it would be the responsibility of one of their own sex doing the act.

One then tried to engage DD in further conversation and she told him to fuck off which I thought was entirely appropriate given the content of their banter not 1 minute before.

My DD was not impressed at all and I'm pleased that she came to me to discuss it.

(1) AIBU to be appalled that this is the language that 11-12 year olds think is appropriate to use in the presence of females
(2) AIBU to contact the Head of Year to ask if they cover sexual abuse/violence against females in any PHSE lessons

I know the school can't and shouldn't police speech in all circumstances but if this is what pre-teens have to cope with nowadays, what hope do we have from a societal POV of trying to keep girls/women safe and men giving the respect to women they deserve?

Or should I not bother contacting the school as this is an everyday occurrence and nothing can be done about it?

I would let the school know, totally unacceptable and disgusting behaviour
They should have some awareness at that age or they are going to get into big trouble
No excuses

Yes, it does need reporting. Kids of this age sometimes do use shocking language thoughtlessly but that doesn't make it OK.

Echoing PPs - please do inform the school. They’ll want to deal with it.

Report it to school definitely.

I work in a school and we would absolutely want to know about it.
We don't hear everything, we can't possibly, and children are very clever about waiting for adults to be out of earshot before they say anything they know is not right.
We would definitely want to know about it, especially if your DD can name them, so that we could deal with it appropriately.

Yes definitely report OP

Please tell the school.

Yes, report but don't describe it as "banter" when you do, eh.

That absolutely needs reporting to the school, with the names of the boys who said it. I doubt they will find the idea funny after they're dragged to the head of year and given a bollocking.

I'd definitely report it. And I hope the school will take it seriously.

Definitely report it!
I was walking in my village last week with my 4 year old DD when some boys from the local school made a sexual comment about her. One of the boys called the others out on it but the others were all laughing and joking. I didn’t say anything at the time as I was rushing to collect DS but I have since reported it to the school office. They said they were glad I had and it would be brought up in an assembly or PHSE class.
It’s disgusting that this sort of thing is happening and it needs to be brought to the teachers attention.

@LulusMiniEgg a sexual comment about a 4 year old? How old were the boys? that must have been so upsetting

Yep, report, OH had a phone call from school due to DSS reciting the lyrics of a rap song about hoes & bitches, received a detention and got a severe bollocking from his dad.
Plus he was mortified that a teacher heard and his dad was called.
Hopefully the shame will make him think twice.

Definitely report to school. I've just reported similar to my child's secondary. They seem to be taking it seriously.

It's the thin edge of the wedge and is an erosion of boundaries. The year 7s probably don't realise what they are doing and think they are funny and mature (when they are insignificant little runts) but without calling them out every single time (god is this really necessary in 21st century) the problem is likely to escalate as they get away with it.

Your child needs to report to pastoral team if anything like this happens again, straight away if possible (although not in an 'I'm going to tell in you' way) . Or if she doesn't want to do it in person do they have an anonymous reporting system? Or can she email them once she's home?

Thanks all, will report to the head of year tomorrow.

@sjfjsnfkdhsbd
I meant "banter" in an entirely ironic way and should have put it as "banter" in my OP but thank you for raising it.
The boys thought they were being funny, when clearly they were being the exact opposite

Awful, sad, and not surprising, well done to your DD, for telling them where to go, standing her ground and telling you, and what a fucking shame she has to put up with the same shit I did at school in the 1990's. Yes definitely tell the school. I wish I had felt able to tell my mum about the sexual harassment I put up with at school, I didn't tell anyone and it was brushes off, ignored, minimised by everyone. At least the school will deal with it I hope.

100% I'd be emailing head of year this evening and expecting a response before the end of the day tomorrow.

Definitely report. Not only is it completely inappropriate and disgusting it's also a massive red safeguarding flag for the boys themselves.

Don't let it slide. I think it's become quite normalised that teens say disgusting things by awful soaps and shitty teen movies. But it's not normal to have this overly sexualized conversations. It's damaging in so many ways.

It’s already an aggressive act that your DD had to listen to that. In a workplace they could be sacked for the discussion.

The school would definitely want to know. Those boys need educating and need to know how vile they are. So do their parents.