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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get my money back

23 replies

leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 13:37

Hi,

5/6 years ago I lived with my ex. For 6 years he has been emotionally abusvie etc.

At 19-20 when I was pregnant then had a newborn I lived in HIS house which he said was ours but I did not have my name on the mortgage. His parents & him encouraged me (forced) me to pay his mortgage but ever time I'd always say aww no i need this money back.

Does anyone know the likelihood of me getting this money back it would be around £1,000. I know that's nothing and he's calling it petty but I have nothing and I want money for my own mortgage for me and my 3 kids he doesn't care for.

(If anyone is in an abusive relationship and wants help out of please message me i escaped a few weeks ago and my life has been fantastic I just want back my money)

OP posts:
Original poster
leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 13:39

I forgot to say I have all the bank proof I did pay this and message proof I wanted it back. It was also said to many of my friends etc and he joked to his friends "she'd just pay it"

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 23/03/2021 13:39

Well done for leaving!

Where are you thinking the money would come from - him?

Original poster
leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 13:39

@HollyBollyBooBoo yeah I've asked him and his parents for this money even if it was slowly paid like £50 a month. I can't move any time soon

I'm just applying back to uni just now (so excited)

OP posts:
Original poster
leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 13:40

@HollyBollyBooBoo he's said no to this. So I was wondering will a court order make him pay it back or am I dreaming?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 23/03/2021 13:41

Given the time frame and the amount, I suspect you would spend more in legal fees than the sum owed.

You should discuss with a solicitor as they'll be better placed to advise based on the evidence you can show them, but I feel like you would be better placed to write this off as a sunk cost rather than throwing good money after bad.

Tlollj · 23/03/2021 13:42

So while you were living there you made mortgage payments? Now you want this money back? I can’t see it myself. He’s not going to suddenly pay you back.

MixedUpFiles · 23/03/2021 13:43

So you paid him 50 a month? I think a judge would look at that as very cheap rent.

Original poster
leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 13:44

Yeah I was thinking citizens advice because it is free and they took advantage would hopefully count for something and I have proof saying I wanted it back and since I've just escaped him recently the time wouldn't matter

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 23/03/2021 13:44

You could look into small claims court, only £60 fees for claims up to £1000.

I think your issue will be proving it was an agreed loan between the 2 of you and that he's reneged on that. Do you have any texts/emails that show him agreeing to pay it back?

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/03/2021 13:44

What does the £1,000 relate to? A lump sun you lent him? Was it agreed that it was a loan if so? Or money you paid towards the bills whilst living together? If the latter, surely this was just your contribution to household expenses, and not money you’re owed back?

Bonheurdupasse · 23/03/2021 13:44

You might be able to get legal aid?

indy2please · 23/03/2021 13:48

I don't think you would refunded as that money was for living costs? Was it a formal arrangement, eg did you set up a direct debit? He might put a counter claim in for unpaid rent to you? I wouldn't if I was you

ChubbyMsSunshine · 23/03/2021 13:50

Over what period of time did you pay him £1000?

If this was your share of the mortgage I don't actually see that he owes it back to you...unless I'm missing something? Surely it's just what you'd have been towards living costs elsewhere?

Hoppinggreen · 23/03/2021 13:51

Well done on leaving and on applying to Uni
You will never get this money, I’m sorry but you just won’t. You might have proof you paid it but it could be claimed it was your contribution to the mortgage, bills etc
I am sure the money would come in handy but it’s really not happening and the sooner you accept that then you can get on with the rest of your life.
Apply for CM if you haven’t already

SpaceRaiders · 23/03/2021 13:53

Honestly, I’d just cut my losses.

Upsideandundergarments · 23/03/2021 13:54

Firstly, well done for getting out. That's the main thing, it's amazing.
As a PP said it may cost more in legal fees than you get back and regardless can be a stressful process on top of what is an already difficult time.
Do you have any proof that it was a loan and not a gift/ payment of rent? Text messages that explicity state that you are sending x amount of money as a loan and it will need to be paid back by x date and the other person agreeing to this? Any emails or letters?
If not, he could present is as this was you paying towards the house that you also lived in as alot of couples do even if only one of them is on the mortage.
My advice, you would have paid more than 1000 in rent over that time. You've done the incredibly hard thing and got out. I know it's hugely unjust but that bought you your freedom and the rest of your life. Do claim CMS make him pay for his kids.

Peterpainter · 23/03/2021 13:54

I’d quit while you’re ahead OP.

HollowTalk · 23/03/2021 13:59

Do you actually have proof it was a loan and that he would repay it?

The problem with men like this is that they are always, always financially abusive.

HilaryBriss · 23/03/2021 14:37

You have got no chance of getting it back, unfortunately you will need to write it off and chalk it up to experience.

mrsm43s · 23/03/2021 14:44

Am I reading correctly that you paid a total of £1000 towards the mortgage over a period of one year? So you lived in his house for that year period for less than £100 per month rent? I think that would be seen as fair and reasonable. Or were you paying a fair rent to him over and above the £1000?

Obviously if you have documents showing that it was a loan that he agreed to pay back, then you could file in the small claims court. But honestly, I'd let it go. You've got out, which is the most important thing, and £1000 is pretty cheap for a year's accommodation.

Original poster
leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 15:11

His mortgage was only £180 per month, tiny flat in a cheap area to live and I paid all of that for roughly 9 months but yeah you're right I've added that up wrong it's almost 2k

I also bought myself a PlayStation 4 new he sold and kept the money for to pay for other bills he had that didn't include me. He sold more of my things I can't remember of.

And I paid his gas insurance for 9 months at roughly £15 a month too.

OP posts:
Original poster
leigh1996 · 23/03/2021 15:12

Unless citizens advice can get me the money I think everyone is right and I'll not see it again.

He said I caused him debts by not moving out and he had to sell his new fancy car because of me .. I've indebted him more apparently by leaving

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 23/03/2021 15:15

Unless you've got anything in writing from him saying that he will pay it back then you won't get any money back

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