Likelihood of getting pregnant

[Cocothecat42]

I have one dc from previous relationship. Dp has no kids. Been together 6 years, due to get married next year, financially secure, very happy.

He is 45 and I'm 33 so a bit of an age gap but we've never ruled out the idea of having a child of our own. It's not something I've been desperate for as we are happy as we are but I also do like the idea of another baby and although he's a little wary as he's never had kids, we've both decided to come off contraception and see what happens.

I don't want to actively try mainly because we have quiet an irregular, sporadic sex life as it is. Both fairly low sex drive and probably only do it once or twice a month! We are both ok with that and I don't want to pile on added pressure of more sex purely to conceive as I think it would be damaging for us.

But in reality how likely is it to get pregnant from such little dtd?! Obviously dependent on the time of the month, fertility etc.

I guess I just wondered if anyone else has conceived despite not being hugely active? Either way we will be happy. A baby would be lovely but life is also good and I have my lovely ds already. But I suppose I am secretly hoping it does happen...

Luck of the draw...we took 2 years to conceive Ds2 (similar frequency of sex life to you) and ds3 was a 'let's just see what happens' baby. Conceived first time off contraception...

Well you’ll ovulate around 2 weeks after your period - so time your 1-2 times a month around then and the chances are obviously a lot higher. Don’t time them around then and they’ll be a lot lower

We did this for well over a year, turned out we couldn't conceive naturally. In hindsight, I wish we made a bit of an effort to monitor it as it felt a bit soul crushing when I was thinking back to all the "secretly hoping" times of the months. I was totally of the mindset as "whatever happens happens" until someone said it CAN'T happen. I'm not by any means saying you can't get pregnant, just offering a different perspective re "actively trying". Hope you don't mind

'see what happens' is a strange way to make a life changing decision..

you clearly would be happy to have another child. Does he feel the same? Unless he is also sure, get back on the contraception.

In theory it only takes one go at DTD to get pregnant, it just depends on when you do it.

DC1 was a result of "let's see what happens" and it happened first go. Just got lucky with the right time of the month.

If you don't know your cycles or are irregular then doing it one or twice a month could take longer, or you could hit the jackpot and get pregnant straight away.

The Ovia app worked for me both times.
Also,.listen to your body. You can actually feel ovulation!

I've yet to meet anyone who truly meant it when they decided to "see what would happen", me and my husband included. When we didn't conceive the first few months of "seeing what happens", we upped the ante to make it more likely to happen.

The fact that you're asking this question suggests you are no exception. I do understand the desire not to obsess or risk disappointment, but if you want it, it makes no sense not to do what you can to increase your chances of it happening.

*You can actually feel ovulation!

Can you? What does it feel like? I'm prone to stomach pain and bloating all the time so I've never really been able to rely on it meaning anything, though period cramps are quite distinctive.

It’s more when you do it; we conceived our second DC on the first month after I stopped the pill on the second time we did it after I stopped the pill.

We conceived DD within a year and we only had sex 1-2 times a month and we were 40 and 45!
It was a busy year, we were having a house built and we were rarely awake at the same time let alone anything else. The month we conceived we had sex twice and only once could have been fertile.

We didn’t do any form of ovulation testing or anything. I just had an app for recording my cycles and logged our occasional sex. We were very surprised! We had agreed to no contraception but didn’t really believe it would happen.

@DrSbaitso

I've yet to meet anyone who truly meant it when they decided to "see what would happen", me and my husband included. When we didn't conceive the first few months of "seeing what happens", we upped the ante to make it more likely to happen.

The fact that you're asking this question suggests you are no exception. I do understand the desire not to obsess or risk disappointment, but if you want it, it makes no sense not to do what you can to increase your chances of it happening.

*You can actually feel ovulation!

Can you? What does it feel like? I'm prone to stomach pain and bloating all the time so I've never really been able to rely on it meaning anything, though period cramps are quite distinctive.

We genuinely didn’t try! But we were very on the fence about actually having a baby. Still weren’t sure until the day she was born.

We decided to “see what happened” and got pregnant pretty much straight away. Everyone says it’s because we were relaxed about it (and I know there’s lots of anecdotal evidence about how relaxing helps) but who knows, I just think it’s luck of the draw!

Only takes one time! Seriously though, you can only get pregnant so many days out of the month so it may help you to get to grips with your cycle/work out your fertile window. Then, if you happen to DTD on those days, your chances will be much much higher.

Before I went on the pill i had very noticeable symptoms of ovulation and a regular cycle so it will definitely help to monitor that....that's if everything goes back to how it was post 5 years on the pill!

First child conceived on the pill I was 35 Dp was 43 but we were at it like rabbits. Second child he could count on his fingers how many times we'd done it since the birth of child 1. Still got pregnant easily and we weren't trying. I was 38 and DP was 46. I'm refusing to have sex now!

As everyone has said, if you're not going to have sex frequently it's when in your cycle you have sex that will be the determining factor over whether you will fall pregnant or not. If you have sex once a month but never in your fertile window then you won't get pregnant no matter how long you do this for. If you want to give it a go I would still recommend tracking your cycles. If you only have sex once a month it makes sense to at least try to time it for a period where you are likely to be fertile each month.

In our case it was very much "see what happens" We already had 3 children between us, dh was approaching 40, we knew we would like one more but we also knew we didn't want to go on trying indefinitely. For us, we gave ourselves a year and had made the decision that, had we not conceived within that year, it wasn't meant to be.
We just didn't want to get five years down the line and wonder "what if". We would have absolutely stuck to the year. Dh was adamant he didn't want to be any older than 40/41 with a new born.

@Ikeatears so did you get pregnant or are you still within your year?

If you were having sex regularly (like a few times a week) I’d say just see what happens but as you are hoping it will happen I’d start tracking ovulation and have your once or twice a month when you’re ovulating, Dec drive usually increases during ovulation anyway

Some people do home insemination to separate ttc from their sex life. Just mentioning in case you hadn’t thought of it.

@Cocothecat42 first month! He's now 10.
It took two years for dc2 so we were pleasantly surprised (and a bit shocked if I'm honest lol)

I got pregnant the first month of “let’s see what happens” twice at 34 and 39.

If you don’t actively want a baby use contraception.

I red that if there are no fertility issues and you have sex in your fertile window (which I guess is the tricky bit) then each time there is a 25% chance of conceiving.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd and this is a see what happens baby. We weren't bothered either way until a miscarriage last year. However we had decided that we would actively try in September onwards. However I fell pregnant in August. But again the baby I lost was a see what happens baby.

We didn't have sex any more than normal or use ovulation tests etc. We literally just waited till I was late in april and September and I tested then.

You don't necessarily have to have loads more, you just need to time it very very carefully. Three days in a row on the right three days is the only useful time all month anyway for conception.

Use ovulation sticks. We both have quite low sex drives (1-2 per month too). We dtd on ovulation day the first time & I got pregnant.
So do it before ovulation & on ovulation day?