Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance issue - AIBU?

32 replies

summerisler · 23/03/2021 00:34

I’m speaking with a solicitor tomorrow but just wondered if there was anyone with any idea about wills and such that could maybe advise if I’m wasting my time or not.

My auntie sadly died three years ago, and tragically 6 months after her death my cousin, her only child, committed suicide. It was a truly horrible time for our family. In her will, my auntie left her entire estate to my cousin. My cousin had no will so my aunties estate and what little money my cousin had of his own was handed to his next of kin, his father. He and my auntie were divorced.

I was named in my aunties will as the second beneficiary (after my mother, her sister) in the event of my cousin dying before her or ‘the gift failing for any other reason’, which I assume could mean his death after hers. My half-siblings were each listed after me.

I am estranged from my half-siblings and have had no relationship with my ‘Uncle’. My ‘Uncle’ has divided up the money between himself and my siblings, excluding me and our mother. They have offered no explanation for this.

I didn’t necessarily want the money but gave found myself very upset at this. I am sad and feel that my aunties wishes haven’t been carried out but don’t know enough about the legalities of it all. She would be appalled if she knew her ex-husband had anything to do with her estate. If I had received an inheritance my children would have been in receipt of it.

Legally I’m not sure where I stand. AIBU to say that I don’t think it’s right that my siblings and aunties ex-husband have cut me out?

OP posts:
starrynight21 · 23/03/2021 00:44

I don't think you can do anything about this. Your auntie's will left everything to her child - so for the ensuing six months her estate was his/hers. Then he/she died and that estate went to the father who can do what he likes with it.

I don't think that being the second beneficiary would make any difference - the cousin didn't die before her so auntie's wishes were fulfilled in that cousin did inherit.

I know it doesn't seem fair - unfortunately when a person makes a will they can't always imagine what might happen after they die.

cabbageking · 23/03/2021 00:53

The father had inherited the money and can do what he wishes sorry.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/03/2021 01:01

I am sad and feel that my aunties wishes haven’t been carried out

They were carried out, exactly as she wished. She left everything to her living child, and upon his death his next of kin was awarded your cousin's estate. I'm sorry, op. There's nothing to be done here.

JustLyra · 23/03/2021 01:12

Usually the only time a bequest fails because of a second death if it's within a very short timescale. Like 28 days or less (basically cover the people dying from the same incident). And it would have to be noted in your Aunt's will.

Basically, your Uncle didn't inherit your Aunt's money, he inherited his child's money. That just happened to come from your Aunt previously.

KrisAkabusi · 23/03/2021 01:25

As others have said, there's nothing you can do. Your Aunt's will was followed and your cousin got the money. When he died his estate went to his father. The two are independent of each other.

orpah · 23/03/2021 01:54

Your aunt did get what she wished- for her child to inherit everything. What happened after that is irrelevant to her will

Frogella · 23/03/2021 02:00

A bereaved father can do what he likes with his child's money.

I really think you should respect that.

HomeTheatreSystem · 23/03/2021 02:35

Well there's two things here, your feelings on the matter of your auntie's ex inheriting and the legalities of it.

Your feelings, given what you know about her, are completely understandable but legally you will find you are wasting your time and money seeing a solicitor. If you think about it, had your cousin died intestate a few years after his mum then you probably wouldn't be feeling quite so upset by the way the inheritance has gone. All you can take from this is to make sure that your own will is left watertight and if you do see a solicitor to maybe ask how you can make provisos to cover situations like these where the intended beneficiary dies more than 30 days after inheriting but within a year say. Please try and come to terms with it, hard as it is.

SionnachGlic · 23/03/2021 02:40

Previous posters are correct here. Auntie's Will was followed...her bequest didn't fail, her child was living at the time of her death & so inherited her estate. Her child dies intestate so person entitled to child's estate (if no spouse or child of his own) is his Father. It is irrelevant that he & your Aunt were divorced, he is not receiving this inheritance from her estate, it is from his child And he can do with it what he chooses, keep the lot for himself or gift to whomever he wishes. He hasn't 'cut you out' because in these circumstances you have no entitlement altho I do understand how it seems unfair. I think you need to leave this alone OP...this man is doing nothing wrong legally & also, in the circumstances, he has lost a child too. Of course, you might prefer to hear all of this face to face from your own solicitor but based on your post, I'd be astounded if they advise you any differently.

Original poster
summerisler · 23/03/2021 04:11

Thanks @Frogella - I do understand he was bereaved. I have deliberately kept my post simple as I just want to focus on the legal aspect but there is a lot of backstory.

OP posts:
Original poster
summerisler · 23/03/2021 04:28

Thankyou all - it’s very much appreciated.

I will absolutely take your advice @HomeTheatreSystem - myself and DH don’t have wills yet so this has just made it even clearer to me that we both need to have one, especially with two small DC. I’ll spend my time with a solicitor going through this instead.

I know my auntie wanted the money to go to my cousin, she just couldn’t foresee what would happen to him. Knowing her and my cousins thoughts on her ex-husband I wish they had both written wills. Her ex-husband was unaware that their child had died for two weeks as no-one knew his whereabouts after they divorced 30 years ago. It is all terribly, terribly sad.

I realise I don’t have entitlement - I just would have liked to have been included by her ex-husband and my siblings, who I understand discussed this together. It was hope against hope really, as we are estranged and have been for a long time. As I say, any money would have been put in savings for my children. I’m not even bothered about the money really, just the sense of unfairness and the feeling that I don’t exist, but I do and they were my relatives too.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 23/03/2021 06:39

@summerisler

Thanks *@Frogella* - I do understand he was bereaved. I have deliberately kept my post simple as I just want to focus on the legal aspect but there is a lot of backstory.
Your backstory is irrelevant t this legally. Your aunt’s wishes were carried out, her child inherited. She does not get to say, from beyond the grave, what happens after then.

Your secondary beneficiary status is irrelevant as her first beneficiary (her child) did not die before you. Sometimes there may be a clause in the will that the beneficiary needs to survive 30 days after the deceased but this is not always the case and as the child survived six months not relevant anyway.

Your cousins father had no need to share the proceeds with anyone, that he shared with your siblings and not you really is too bad but is his right.

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 23/03/2021 06:55

But if you are estranged from them, why would you expect to be included? You don’t have a relationship with them.

IndecentFeminist · 23/03/2021 06:59

Because she did have a relationship with the person whose money it was.

KoalaLlama · 23/03/2021 07:05

I do understand where you’re coming from. Legally you have no entitlement, but your aunt would probably have preferred her money to go to you over her ex husband. The problem is once she had passed, it wasn’t her money any more.

I guess with issues of estrangement there was never going to be a ‘fair’ distribution of the money.

Inheritances can add an extra layer of grief to an already painful loss, especially if it feels like the wishes of the people who passed haven’t been met. I hope you’re ok and able to put this behind you Flowers

HugeAckmansWife · 23/03/2021 07:08

Harsh responses here. Yes legally the op can't do anything but I think she's expressed herself quite clearly that this is not greed or grabbiness. It does feel unfair given the short time between the two deaths and the poor relationship between the aunt, cousin and his father

Bluntness100 · 23/03/2021 07:11

I’m sorry op but as others habe said you’ve no entitlement here and I’m really surprised you think you should get any money or even an explanation.

Your cousin inheritited correctly. Your aunts will was clearly Carried out correctly. Your cousins family also inherited correctly when your cousin passed. You were not in your cousins will and the family do not owe you any explanation on how they handled your cousins will. It’s nothing to do with you, I’m sorry, but there is no entitlement or anything.

Frogella · 23/03/2021 07:13

The responses have not been harsh. They have been clear, and accurate. Better that than encourage OP to think her children may (or should) yet benefit from this sad course of events.

Aprilx · 23/03/2021 07:13

@IndecentFeminist

Because she did have a relationship with the person whose money it was.
The money was first owned by the aunt, then the cousin, then the cousin’s father. None of them chose to give any of that money to the OP.
justanotherneighinparadise · 23/03/2021 07:13

The money won’t being them happiness OP and your Auntie and her child are now at peace ♥️

Original poster
summerisler · 23/03/2021 07:14

Thankyou for your kind words @KoalaLlama - I look at pictures of them together and still can’t believe they’re both gone. My cousin loved his mum and just couldn’t live without her I think. The way he died was just awful and I can’t imagine the pain it would have caused my auntie to know how he passed - thankfully she will never know.

There is backstory here but I just wanted to focus on the legal aspect really - just to clear up some doubts on the situation. I think some posters on here have misunderstood or perhaps I haven’t articulated it clearly enough. I didn’t expect to inherit my aunts money and the little my cousin had. I just wanted to know if his father was obliged to share with me as he has my half-siblings. I know through our mother (who was also left out) that there were discussion between my siblings as to whether I should have any money and the decision was made not to give me or my mother any. I am the youngest and the only child of my mothers second marriage. My siblings have never been fond of me (an understatement) - my only crime being that I exist. This situation has disabused me of any sentimental feelings, such as, maybe one day we will be close.

OP posts:
Original poster
summerisler · 23/03/2021 07:15

@Bluntness100 apt name I think. My cousin was a single man and did not leave a will.

OP posts:
Original poster
summerisler · 23/03/2021 07:18

Thankyou @justanotherneighinparadise - it helps me to think that they are now together.

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 23/03/2021 07:20

I completely understand how much that must hurt, OP.

Bluntness100 · 23/03/2021 07:21

Op, I’m sorry about your family situation.

You need to fully accept once your cousin inherited it was no longer your aunts money, it was his money. As such when he sadly passed it went to next of kin. There’s no law that says you need to stay alive for x amount of time after you inherit. Once you’ve inherited it’s done. It’s yours. It doesn’t matter if you stay alive for six months or sixty years. It’s yours.

I’m sorry what happened and about your difficult family circumstances, but you need to forget about the money.