13 year mega crush

[Glovesick]

I have had a crush on my boss for 13 years. A raging crush. I was married for the first 5 years, and managed to bury it and not allow it to take up much room in my head. After my divorce, it just grew. My head it filled with thoughts of him and I come up with all sorts of fantasies.

He is in a relationship with children, I would never go there and I don't get the vibe that he is interested, although I do read into everything he does and says that he might be. We have a great friendship and I would not like to spoil that. Ever.

I once sat in a taxi with him and our legs accidentally touched for about 1 second. I had electricity going round my body from that and treasured that memory for ages. Still do, really.

I posted a couple of years ago and people said to get a new job, remove yourself from contact. He left the business 12 months ago. I have not had much contact with him since then, deliberately to try to get over him.

I can't. I am still as obsessed as ever, and think about him all the time, imagining romantic situations.

Will this ever stop?

I am actually a pretty sane person apart from this, and I am so happy being single. Another man is not the solution!

Counselling? That doesn't sound like a happy way to live.

What else is going on in your life, OP? Are you happy at home, etc?

This might be limerence.

I think you should look into counselling, it’s not healthy to fixate on someone for such an enormous length of time and clearly it’s having a negative impact on your life.
Or don’t, but know that nothing will change unless you instigate it and take steps to move on.

Do you want it to stop? If you enjoy the fantasies, and are happy single anyway, then, it's fine isn't it?

13 years is an awfully long time! Have you dating anyone since leaving tous husband?

You’re keeping it alive by constantly thinking about it and indulging in the fantasy. It probably will never stop if you keep doing that - like a plant that you keep tenderly watering. Do you want it to stop or do you enjoy the fantasy?

How well do you know this man? Is he single? If so, bite the bullet and ask him to dinner, get to know the real person and compare him with the fantasy version.

13 years is a long, long time to have a crush on someone, you have to do something drastic or this could last your whole life, you'll miss out on different friendships and relationships, the chance to have a family perhaps.

Limerance.

You'll need to do some digging into:

• what exactly the crush has been providing you with all these years
• do you want to fulfil that need another way (not talking about another man here)
• if yes, how so? With what?
• or Are you happy with it as it stands?

Limerance is tough as old boots so don't feel bad x

Sounds like you are obsessed with the fantasy/image you have created of him rather than being obsessed with the actual person he is, if that makes sense?

@SooMoony

How well do you know this man? Is he single? If so, bite the bullet and ask him to dinner, get to know the real person and compare him with the fantasy version.

13 years is a long, long time to have a crush on someone, you have to do something drastic or this could last your whole life, you'll miss out on different friendships and relationships, the chance to have a family perhaps.

He is in a relationship with children, I would never go there and I don't get the vibe that he is interested

Literally the second paragraph of the OP

"I once sat in a taxi with him and our legs accidentally touched for about 1 second. I had electricity going round my body from that and treasured that memory for ages. Still do, really".

Nothing practical to add but this has made me proper belly laugh.

I get limerance. It was good to finally understand it after many years of having obsessive crushes. Distance and time is the only thing that cures them. I have also found several times that if I see that person again after a long break with no contact, they don’t match the fantasy in my head and that also cures it. I do border on stalkerish in my obsessions but am aware of that and force myself to be respectful and not encroach one their privacy etc. But the amount of time spent dwelling on them is as you are describing. I actually don’t have one ongoing story the moment and it feels great! Good luck in getting over yours.