Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To be concerned about a large age gap

8 replies

dray9925 · 22/03/2021 19:24

I had my DS at 19 I'm not going to say I was a perfect student at the time but it did put a big stop to me going from college to Uni that year. I didn't get very good a level grades but I had my baby and was happy.
He's now 4 and will be starting school in September I thought I was ready for another baby but a month or so ago changed my mind and decided I was going back to college and hopefully on to uni after that. I thought I was very happy with that decision but now I've been thinking a lot about how it will now be at least another 5 years before I have another child and I'm sad for my son not getting a sibling for a long time! I'm only 23 I have plenty of time to have children and I have applied to college so I am going.
I guess I just wanted to hear from others who have larger age gaps and if it really was ok?

OP posts:

littlepattilou · 22/03/2021 19:31

Well, I can only speak for myself. I have a brother who is ten years younger than me, and we have always got on great. Smile

He always bragged to his friends at school about his 'big sister' who was a grown-up! Grin (Well, by the time he was at 'primary school,' I was in my late teens, and seemed very grown up to him and his mates!)

So yeah a 9-10 year age gap is fine IMO. Smile


Alwayswrongneverright · 22/03/2021 19:43

I was pregnant at 19,my son was born 6 months after my 20th birthday so I was bit older than you. I had already kind of deferred uni by a year by only doing lower 6th, then going to do a 2 Yr college course so I wasn't going to uni til I was 19 anyway. I had been given a place at 2 unis, had chosen my preferred one but then met my ex who was 13yrs older than me. He told me it was him or uni. I stupidly chose him and ended up with my beautiful boy. I was always adamant I was going to do an open university course or something, my education wasn't going to end. However for me (at least for now) it did. When my son was 2 I left my dick of an ex but moved on very quickly with a friend. I was pregnant again 3 months later, and my daughter was born just after my sons 4th birthday. It was great, he was old enough to understand most of what was happening, could get him involved by helping getting nappies etc, he started school 9 weeks after she was born which was great as I only had my baby during the day and my son was out making new friends and excited to see his baby sister when he got home. I had another baby the following year so there's 5 yrs between my oldest and youngest, again a great age gap for us that works. I'm not sure I'd want to do much bigger as as they've got older, the difference in what they want to watch, do ect is so much more obvious it can be hard to find family films/activities to suit all


Skysblue · 22/03/2021 19:52

I wouldn’t worry about the age gap - they’ll get on fine - but I would think very hard about if you want your son to be an only child for nine years. It’s hard for him but also for you. Especially on holidays when it’s just him and adults and no one to play with. (Even more so in a lockdown).

Bringing up a child without a sibling is not something I would choose if there was a choice. And uni really isn’t all that, I’d much rather be parenting personally. Or you can go later 🤷‍♀️

Plus if you ‘have family first’ then when you finally get your degree and career going your children will be old enough not to disrupt your job with constant illnesses etc. So many women, including me, build a career then have baby and then find out career is destroyed and now the mum is in her forties with several years out of job market, employers aren’t interested. Having babies very early then career actually works way better for women.

Sorry I don’t mean to disrupt your decision but

I think it’s fantastic to have children young I wish I had. You would not believe how your energy fades as you age...


Songsofexperience · 22/03/2021 19:57

Don't overthink the age gap and prioritise building your education and a career. I had my first at 19 like you, then the next at 27 and the last little one at 37. The great thing about starting young is you have time on your side and you can pace yourself! Smile


Songsofexperience · 22/03/2021 19:58

(And i got my degree and the career I wanted)


Chillychangchoo · 22/03/2021 19:59

Personally it wouldn’t be for me.
I had my first at a similar age to you. I had three children by age 25, as I thought I may as well get the job done, considering I had started so early. It does have its benefits. I am 32 now and my youngest is age 6, and my oldest is off to secondary. I finish my OU degree soon, and I’m making huge gains in my career.

People can’t believe I’ve had three kids at work, they presume I still haven’t had any. I already have so much more freedom than the ones who are now stating to have kids. Swings and roundabouts I guess, hope it works out well for you.


PerspicaciousGreen · 22/03/2021 20:11

You really need to read this blog post:

Of course it will be a different relationship to, say, a two year gap, but there's no reason for it not to be a great one.


Whatalottachocca · 22/03/2021 20:26

There’s a big age gap between both of my children yet they are still very close. It isn’t necessarily a problem.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?