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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Angry Child

16 replies

jelly79 · 21/03/2021 22:24

I feel worn out and shattered.

My DS 3.9 have developed a rage. He just flips out and starts screaming, throwing things, hitting (repeatedly) or kicking.

Triggers are mainly bedtime so I have change the routine which has been largely successful. Teeth brushing is a new trigger. Me saying no (treats / toys at shops) is another

Otherwise he is such an affectionate little dude. He is very apologetic too.

I've tried 'calm techniques!', talking him down and reassuring a him, walking away from him, holding him and telling him no, reward jars, removing toys...

AIBU for asking you for advice? Or reassurance xx

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 21/03/2021 22:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Yesmate · 21/03/2021 22:28

Praise positive, ignore negative. Literally turn your back when he starts screaming. It’s a long process (it was for my DS) but worth it.

Have a look at the early years (by Webster if I remember rightly) a fair bit of work but totally worth it.

bootlebum · 21/03/2021 22:29

I completely disagree with the PP. I would really be trying to understand what is causing these rages. It must be scary for
him too. My friend has a 3 yro with rages. She does social stories (pics of what is going to happen and in what order) and also tried to avoid really difficult things like doesn't insist on a bath every night for eg. Is he getting too tired? Hungry?

Yesmate · 21/03/2021 22:29

Apologies. Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster Stratton

EvilOnion · 21/03/2021 22:30

Try not to react.

I tried all the tricks with #1 and honestly, I'm pretty sure I just need into it. With #2 I would say ok we'll do it when you're done and sit down beside her and focus on something else - phone/read/notepad/brushing hair just anything at all!

Most of the time it would fizzle out pretty quickly and we'd get on with it. Sometimes though you just can't avoid it.

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/03/2021 22:35

Try the Blippi toothbrush song it might help prevent a tantrumn. Have you asked him what it is specifically about brushing teeth he doesn’t like? Some kids that age can’t handle strong spearmint flavours, it might burn his mouth, or his toothbrush might be too big and making him gag etc.

ErleighBird · 21/03/2021 22:46

@Yesmate

Praise positive, ignore negative. Literally turn your back when he starts screaming. It’s a long process (it was for my DS) but worth it.

Have a look at the early years (by Webster if I remember rightly) a fair bit of work but totally worth it.

I agree with this, no attention at all and don't engage.
Original poster
jelly79 · 22/03/2021 07:35

Thank you for all your posts and advice.

It's so hard when he can try to hit / throw at me repeatedly to ignore that behaviour.

He is great at showing empathy and talking about how he feels when he has calmed down. Turning the tv off is a real trigger so addressing that at bedtime has been key and clearly needs to be consistent.

It's so hard. Will give the blippi toothbrush song a go - he loves blippi

OP posts:
Original poster
jelly79 · 22/03/2021 07:40

@Yesmate thank you I will get this today

OP posts:
TheGumption · 22/03/2021 07:49

That behaviour would get zero reaction from me. For the hitting I would pick him up, put him down away from me and say "I will not let you hit me" - repeat as many times as necessary.

BoyTree · 22/03/2021 07:52

Turning the tv off is a real trigger so addressing that at bedtime has been key and clearly needs to be consistent.

I would say no more TV before bed if that's a flash point. You don't have to make a big thing of it, just don't have the TV on at that time. My oldest struggled to go from something stimulating (TV) to something he wasn't keen on (going to bed) so wet just avoided putting us all in that scenario which helped.

Same with mealtimes etc - avoiding known sources of conflict when they're tired or hungry made a huge difference to us!

niceupthedance · 22/03/2021 08:02

Try giving count downs to changes eg bath time teeth brushing

Original poster
jelly79 · 22/03/2021 08:08

@TheGumption I will give this a go but think that will be tough to ignore

OP posts:
Original poster
jelly79 · 22/03/2021 08:09

@BoyTree absolutely! Last week we had some tv after nursery, then bath and straight to bed for lots of stories. It was a game changer. Last night bathtime was too early and he wanted to see my eldest so the flip out was at bedtime. Lesson learnt

OP posts:
Original poster
jelly79 · 22/03/2021 08:10

@niceupthedance thank you - I do this already but I do t think I am consistent with it x

OP posts:
Tal45 · 22/03/2021 08:16

TV just before bed isn't a good idea anyway so I'd completely put a stop to that or any other screen time. I agree with telling him 'I'll wait until you are ready' when he has a meltdown over his teeth or whatever. Hold onto his hands if he is trying to hit/throw things at you and say 'we don't hit'. Stay completely calm/firm and consistent. Be confident, he needs to trust that you are in control when his feelings are out of control. This is what I did with my ds who has ASD and it worked very well. Don't get into threats, bartering, placating etc they're not in a place to be able to process it, just wait for it to pass. Then a hug and move on x

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