Can I ask for a female perspective on Divorce please.

[QwertyZXY]

My marriage broke down and was really acrimonious and unhappy with neither my wife nor I able to agree or co-operate on anything, including lifestyle or children.
We spent a year working with a marriage counsellor which failed to do anything except widen differences and strengthen my resolve to leave the marriage.

I separated 12 months ago and moved out of our home into rented accomodation across the road from my childrens school & have the children half the time.

Since separating I have tried to get my wife to engage with mediation for the past 12 months to resolve finances and childcare......although childcare has now largely been resolved more by the children who are mid-teens.

Over the past year I have had four separate firms of mediator contact her and all have been rebuffed with various excuses, the final attempt in December.
Following this, I engaged solicitors and asked them to initiate divorce proceedings.
I asked them to wait until after Christmas, to issue and they wrote to her at the beginning of January.
Firstly to say I wanted to divorce but happy for her to divorce me if she preferred - no response!
Then they wrote again 3 weeks later with a draft petition inviting her to respond - no response
Then issued the petition to court.
She has notified the court of an intention to defend the divorce. WTAF!!!

Wife has accused me of "bullying behaviour" in having mediators and solicitors write to her.

I feel I have been more than patient, delay suits her living in a home rent free which I am paying the mortgage on whilst also renting a home for me and my children.

While she refuses to discuss the future. I can't wait forever!

Am I being unreasonable?

Also, if she's refusing to get another job, she may be depressed. I know mental health issues are rather over diagnosed on here, I'm not suggesting I can tell, but shutting everything down would be consistent with some people's way of coping with depression. Again, even if that's the case, there's not a lot you can do about it.

@pointythings

I reckon she's angry and worried about the financial fallout - her lifestyle is going to be less comfortable. As indeed is yours. None of that is a valid reason to behave in the way that she's behaving though, and you've done nothing wrong by attempting mediation and engaging a solicitor. Ultimately she's going to have to suck it up. Marriages end, that's life.

Why would OP’s lifestyle be less comfortable if they divorced? Currently he’s paying rent and a mortgage.

The trouble here is that it is impossible to say what is motivating her behaviour because we don't know either of you.
Commonly, people are advised (correctly) not to engage in mediation of any sort if there has been coercive control or any sort of abuse. You may think there has been none - my ex insists similarly and has done the whole DARVO thing -your exes' understanding may be entirely different to yours. Or she may be completely wrong and being wholly unfair to you. We just can't say. Just crack on with the divorce.

Sounds just like my husband’s ex wife, I swear she just liked the drama. She wouldn’t respond to the divorce petitions so finally DH had to pay and extra £50 (I think) for the court to allow it to go through without her signature. Ironically, they allowed it to go through due to a text she sent DH saying she’d chucked the petition in the bin which proved she’d received it 😂😂

Thanks for the replies, I am grateful for them.
@ Aalvarino I don't think that she has taken any advice other than that of her brother (who studied law in the 1980's) before filing the response. Any coercion or abuse has more accurately been directed from her than towards her. I think that she is shocked to the core that I have finally had enough and said no more.

I have struggled to see any scenario where it makes even the remotest sense to do what she has done, other than bloody mindedness.
One of the replies objected to me asking for a female perspective, which is a fair challenge.
I tend towards logic and facts, my Ex towards emotion and sentiment. As, in general, many posters (not all!) on this website appear inclined towards hostility towards men at times, I was hoping to see whether there was another perspective that made sense of her action.

I am pressing on with the legal process regardless.