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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opinions needed

24 replies

Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 10:51

Okay so I wouldnt normally post about personal stuff like this and I am posting here for traffic.
I have been in a relationship for few years and he stayed with me last night.
He hasnt always been up for sex due to tiredness feeling unwell etc but last night and other similar episodes cause me confusion. Last night
He starts touching me and sometimes that can be a signal and I notice he is aroused so I ask for a hug thinking it's going to lead to sex we are kissing hugging but I feel at this point it's not going anywhere similar has happened before with him. He then starts yawning and tells me to try and sleep I was restless and having trouble and he then proceeds to do his jokey usual pretend cutting out of my flabby stomach this is a ongoing joke between us and I always laugh it off but I didnt appreciate it at this particular moment.
Anyway no sex so I then turned away and tried to sleep with him doing the same.
What you think guys I'm frustrated by these episodes with him.
Do you think he just couldnt be arsed and his manhood has a mind of it's own am I wrong to feel rejected.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 10:58

.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 21/03/2021 11:03

What are you trying to say? That he regularly tells you that you have a flabby stomach? That it's the reason for his low libido? What do you think about that?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:04

No it's not that just something I mentioned

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:04

Think I've rambled a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:05

It's a regular jokey thing he does no offence intended.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:06

I guess I dont understand the touching arousal then nothing

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 21/03/2021 11:07

You need to talk to him. If you want to have sex with him you should be able to communicate clearly and honestly with him. No one can have a clue what’s going on.

I’d immediately go off anyone who made jokes about my belly but if you haven’t then talk to him.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:09

We both laugh together about the belly thing that doesnt upset me.

OP posts:
DavidsSchitt · 21/03/2021 11:12

He starts touching you in a sexual way, then stops, pretends to perform a tummy tuck and tells you to go to sleep?

No wonder you're confused.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:13

Exactly David's

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:13

Why the arousal as well

OP posts:
BusBuster · 21/03/2021 11:16

@DavidsSchitt

He starts touching you in a sexual way, then stops, pretends to perform a tummy tuck and tells you to go to sleep?

No wonder you're confused.

This made it clearer.

Is he just weird?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:18

I dont know Bus can a man be detached from his dick

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:18

But yes David summed it up perfectly.

OP posts:
Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 21/03/2021 11:27

The tummy tuck thing would have killed it for me instantly....but each to their own!

Anyway the other stuff, seriously talk to him ask him what's going on. From the outside looking in it's smacks to me of one of two things. Either he's really keen but knackered so wants to show you that he finds you attractive, or it's a power thing showing that he's in control. Only you know what the rest of your relationship is like to be able to work out which is most likely....

Motnight · 21/03/2021 11:31

This is horrible. Is he trying to say that he would have sex with you if your stomach was smaller?

Do you really find it funny, Op? What happens when you jokingly point out something on his body that is less than perfect?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:32

Well yes it did kill it at that particular moment haveyou.
He has a very physical job and has stated before how tired he gets and sometimes feels unwell I am gearing towards keenness but been too knackered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:33

Motnight really that part is okay and he would laugh along if I said something about him.

OP posts:
slashlover · 21/03/2021 11:34

Have you had a conversation about the lack of sex?

SphJC · 21/03/2021 11:36

Hey OP,

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. No wonder you are feeling so confused! I had to read this post and thread several times to actually accept what you were telling us.

I work in a hospital working 12.5hr shifts, like your OH, when I go to bed I am exhausted and just want to sleep. My OH eventually mentioned that he felt like I wasn’t interested in him and he was quite upset about it. It took this for me to realise how passive I was being. Since the conversation, I’ve been making so much more effort and time to spend with my OH and things have massively improved.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:38

Yes slasher he does sometimes have trouble getting fully hard and he doesnt understand why but puts it down to stress and tirednes as a possible cause. I feel he hasnt got a high sex drive though as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 21/03/2021 11:40

Occasionally he has come across a sex scene on
a programme and instigates sex and openly admits that's what happened.

OP posts:
Motnight · 21/03/2021 11:44

@Clappingforjoy

Motnight really that part is okay and he would laugh along if I said something about him.
Ah ok 😳
lydia2021 · 21/03/2021 12:02

I would suggest erectile dysfunction. GP or Viagra

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