Friendships in lockdown

[Polly345]

Does anybody feel like they have lost friendships in lockdown?
Not seeing friends has been tough but I find it interesting the friendships that haven't changed and the friendships that are struggling.
I have a friend who I used to be in contact on a daily basis with phone calls, WhatsApp etc. We also met up on a regular basis. She relies heavily on going out to meet her friends and has spoken about how down she has been since this hasn't happened. I am opposite, I have just accepted the situation and look forward to seeing people when the time is right.
I thought lockdown would have made little change with us as our communication is mainly phone/WhatsApp. However she seems very distant and her replies are usually Ok or just one word answers. Recently she has just started to leave the 'conversation' and I have a funny feeling I have upset or annoyed her but I don't know why.
Should I ask her outright if I have upset her or just accept the friendship might not be the close one I thought it was?

It's so hard to answer these posts as none of us know what's going on in the other person's mind but it might not be about you.

Some people, myself included, have found I have not minded being in lockdown and not seeing people. I don't text people as much as I used to and I simply don't miss not seeing and talking to my friends as much. I have had other things going on and have a DH so I'm not completely alone and I feel okay. I still think my friendships are as strong as they were.

She could be struggling with lockdown and that's why she's not being as forthcoming with texts. If she's feeling depressed or down then that could he impacting on her keeping in touch with people.

With her leaving conversations, could she just be busy? Do you text her too much? She probably isn't annoyed with you but maybe doesn't need as much contact as you do?

Whether you ask her about it depends on how close friends you are. How about you leave her alone for a few days and see if she contacts you. If not, text her how she is and how she's coping as you have heard from her much and have been worried. If she is feeling down she might appreciate that but it might give you an answer either way.

There’s no harm in asking her. “Hey, are you ok? Your answers seem a bit short, which is fine if you need some space - I just hope I haven’t upset you? Always here if you need to chat, however you’re feeling.”

I’ve lost a few by choice as they have shown a side of them I hadn’t really seen before the pandemic. I think it’s highlighted many people’s selfishness or maybe just magnified it.

It sounds like she isn’t enjoying this time rather than ending the friendship though.

More likely she is struggling with lockdown and low mood? Especially she is single and / or worried about her job?

I think I've probably got a bit like your friend. I live on my own, and lockdown has really got me feeling flat. If a mate had something huge happen, then obviously I'd be supportive or happy for them depending on the scenario. But, as it is, I'm feeling crap and haven't really got anything to say.

She's probably just feeling flat and has nothing much to talk about at the moment. It's difficult to muster any conversation when your life is so limited.

It's always worth asking people if they are ok though.

I've lost two friendships and have been anxious about these friendships for a few months. I've had enough of some friends while missing others. I'm just messaging people as and when I think about them. So with one friend that used to be all the time. But she's pissed me off so I've been distracting myself, keeping busy after deciding not prioritise this person and their children anymore. After lockdown I'll be making more of an effort to see old friends. I think being single I latched onto someone who possibly has done the same with me, both with different agendas. I have unmatched expectations but I know most friends I've spoken to have had at least one friendship issue with someone wanting too much or not giving enough this last year. Lockdown will have heightened peoples emotions and anxiety. My tolerance for shittiness is at 0% and I'm 100% otherthinking. Hope this is all over soon.

If she is really social and loves going out to see people then she may well be struggling. And just not have anything to say. Won't hurt to ask if she is ok though

Thank you so much for all of your replies. It's really helped to put things in perspective for me. I won't give up on the friendship just yet 😃

I’ve had the same experience as @IceCreamAndCandyfloss. I’ve found that my closest friends just weren’t there for me when I really really needed them (I won’t go into specifics but I had a few horrendous things happen in the space of a few weeks, on top of general lockdown shittiness), but also that the way they’ve dealt with lockdown has made me realise they aren’t as pleasant as I thought (racist comments, anti-mask, prefer that thousands of elderly and vulnerable people die as long as they’re allowed to go to the pub).

I keep hearing lots of stories about how friendships are suffering in many ways, so you’re really not alone .

I'm not in touch much with my friends. There's nothing to say is there. No one is doing anything!

Good work mates I'm in contact with. Because there's something to talk about.

Once life is back to normal I think friendships will be too.

Also I'm depressed and just don't feel like having fairly pointless chats.