Am i wrong to want to see if the grass is greener?

[sarah8484]

My parter and I of 13 years split up last year for 3 months. We split because i was fed up of feeling like a single mum. We barely communicated. So i moved out. In those 3 months he met and got someone else pregnant, he acted like a single man during those months, taking his new gf on trips, drinking, partying. All while only seeing his children bare minimum. He split from gf and we rekindled our relationship. Mainly because my heart was broke and i so desperately wanted it fixed. It has to a certain extent. I act like were ok but im sad. He's all ive ever know. My first and only proper relationship. Im angry he lived this life without giving me and my children a second thought. He got to experience being with someone else, to see if someone can make him happier than me. Am i a bad person to also want to see if someone else can make me happier. Its not about sex, its not you slept with someone else so i want to. What if theres someone out there who is willing to make more time for me, someone who can make me happy again. I love him but i hate him. Im sad and don't feel like he's doing much to try and change it. have posted in relationships but getting no responses so posting again in aibu because of higher traffic*

I don't think YABU but I also think if you still feel unhappy and want someone who will make more time for you, it's probably the wrong relationship for you anyway?

Would you want your dd to be with someone like your sh?

I think you have realised that the grass is certainly not greener with him. Time to grow your own patch somewhere without a guy and then see if they are good enough for you.

YABU to want to see if someone else can make you hairy because you don’t NEED anyone else.

You absolutely should end the relationship and work out what makes you happy and free.

Have you considered being single?

I'm not sure why you got back with him to be honest.

Either end it and then do what you like.

Or commit 100%.

Just don't play games.

It's not about if there is someone better, which there almost certainly is, but whether you are happy with him, which you seem not to be. So putthe wheels in motion to leave. Prepare yourself for single parenthood, mentally accept that he will likely be out partying while you do most if not all of the parenting, set up a claim with CMS and know that in the long run, you will be better off.

You can't resurrect the dead. That's what you're trying to do here.

3 months is no time to grieve and adjust. You never have yourself a chance to heal.

What if theres someone out there who is willing to make more time for me, someone who can make me happy again.

It's unreasonable to place the responsibility for your happiness with someone else. You are clearly not happy in this relationship so should leave if things are not improving but it would be in your longer term interests to learn to be happy on your own which will protect you from starting relationships with people who don't deserve you.

If you are feeling this way, get rid of him. Why settle for him, you are not happy and he is not treating you right. There will be someone out there that will want to make you happy- he is not it. Don't waste anymore of your time. Why would you get back with someone who cares so little about your children?

@CoRhona

Either end it and then do what you like.

Or commit 100%.

Just don't play games.

This.

He acted like a single man because he was, and could do what he wanted so it’s not fair to be annoyed at that. Equally, you have the right to end the relationship and act like a single woman.

Maybe that’s for the best. But just be straight and clear.

Poor kids.
He went off on a sex spree and got someone pregnant in 3.months apart?

You took him back, god knows why.
What are you going to do? Go on a 3 month spree yourself and then if it's not greener and you're still heartbroken, get back together?
I mean can you actually see how much head fuckery this is for you and your kids?

Just leave, be single, if something turns up then ok, if not then ok.

I am also not sure why you went back. Are the problems that occurred in the first place still there? Or have they been addressed?
I think you will continue to feel hard done by unless this is addressed and he starts being a proper partner and father. Be more demanding of him. Or split up permanently.

Is he providing for the baby?

You took him back as an emotional crutch op,you were hurting,lonely and afraid.
You aren't in love with each other and this isn't going to make you happy in the long run.
It's time to stand on your own two feet and find out who you are and give your dc stability and show them what a strong person their mum is.you will be able to do what you want,study,work,be happy.
You must realize your own worth before thinking about a new relationship.
This is not impossible,it's not too hard,you said yourself you've mostly been a single parent.
Your confidence will soar if overcome your fears.