Partner won't go near me....

[OKL19]

Hi everyone.

I need your advice. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my first baby and since my bump has shown (the last 3 weeks or so), my partner will not come near me physically.

It was a surprise pregnancy and he made it very clear he didn't want it so that was hard enough but we agreed we would work hard as a couple to make it through as a family.

On top of usual physical and emotional pregnancy changes, I have left my home to live with him and his two kids and recently lost my grandad and family dog.

I can't get physical support from friends or family due to covid and when raising the subject with him, he just says he "isn't there romantically at the moment but it'll come back" and that it is a "playground ideal of a relationship to want hugs and kisses all the time."

I obviously don't want to force someone to be near me when they don't want to, but I'm grieving for so much at the moment and he is my only means of support.

What would you do?

Can you move elsewhere, with someone who can provide the support you need?

'it isn't there romantically' is horse crap, it doesn't need to be romantic to give someone a hug/comfort them.

Go back home, he is only going to hurt you further, even if it isn't on purpose, because you want different things

You are having a baby he doesn't want.
You moved in with him because you are having the baby. If you weren't pregnant you wouldn't be "working hard" to make a family.
He has two kids already. So, failed once at forming a family?
He finds your pregnant body physically undesirable.
Go home. You can form a family with you and your baby. Don't put his name on the birth certificate. He doesn't deserve the title of father.

I'm a bit stuck here due to covid and I don't have a home to go back to as I was renting and my tenancy ended.

It just seems so cruel to be withholding physical support right now. I mean, being pregnant with a baby he doesn't want is hard enough... just insanely sad and disappointed that this is the behaviour of who I'm meant to trust and love the most....

Can you stay with family? You need to look after yourself, and COVID still allows you to move house.
He sounds very unsupportive

@OKL19

I'm a bit stuck here due to covid and I don't have a home to go back to as I was renting and my tenancy ended.

It just seems so cruel to be withholding physical support right now. I mean, being pregnant with a baby he doesn't want is hard enough... just insanely sad and disappointed that this is the behaviour of who I'm meant to trust and love the most....

He sounds like a lost cause and you need to reconcile with the fact you will be a single parent. Can you stay with any family until you can find yourself a new tenancy? Or just go straight to a new tenancy.

I don't mean this as an attack but maybe he honestly is struggling to be around you because you're keeping a baby he doesn't want.

He can't really do anything about it but you are forcing him to have a child he will have to emotionally and financially support for the rest of its life, that's a big responsibility.

I hope he will come around once the baby is born and you manage to have the happy family you are trying to create but it's completely understandable that he isn't happy with you now.

I’m so sorry but you need to move out- he already said he didn’t want the baby- I can’t see how a relationship can be repaired after that- it’s not something you can be forced to reconcile. Can you talk to landlord ASAP and resume the tenancy?

Please do not settle /put up with this any longer !

You deserve far more than this Dead beat man child Loser dude !

Get emotional support elsewhere from Caring supportive family members and good friends !

Also women's charities that support and help women ,
would be interested in helping you too,
Please look on the internet to find out about these kinds of charties and organisations.!
their contact details and further infor will be their !

You are totally right this is indeed emotional Cruelty and extreme emotional Domestic abuse !

Please turn to Women's Aid Charity
their contact details ect will all be on the internet for you !

You really do not deserve this kind of emotional extreme abuse Crap !

Even a good friend can give you a hugg sometimes !

He is really talking shit and he knows It

He has totally Checked out of this situation !
And relantship !

Also find out about your benefit entitlement through citctzens Advice bureau agency
Tel contact details and they often have their own offices in most towns and cities too.

Also women's Aid charity have their own offices /centres in which they support from and provide workshops arts and crafts and other activities and day trips !

Best of Luck x

OP how long have you been together and how old are you both?

Also contact your council to be put on their housing Assoc waiting list As soon as possible !

Also look into finding out about private rentals housing too,
so have extra alternative option too,
as you can have universal credit benefit towards some/most of the rent for private housing,
you will proberly will have to pay the difference the shortfall of rent for this for e.g if the private rent was 450 per month
and universal credit benefit would only pay towards 435 pounds
you would have to pay the rest of that the shortfall of rent the difference !

Its essentially for your own emotional health and well being an sanity
You get out away from living from this dead beat Very poor excuse of a Partner you are living with !

Please turn to good supportive family members or even a good friend for help emotionally and for somewhere else to live !

It would Only be a temporary arrangement as obviously you will be in the meantime finding a more permant place of your own for long term !

Best of luck ! x

This guy is bad news. You can't "make it work" with him. It's not going to work out, however much you wish it to, because he simply doesn't want the same things as you and isn't going to change.

You say "I can't get physical support from friends or family due to covid" but single people are allowed to form a support bubble with another household - you do not need to have a child to be eligible to be part of a bubble if you are the only adult in your household. As you are currently 23 weeks pg it is pretty likely that the covid restrictions will have been lifted by the time your baby is born but if there are still limits on mixing you will also be allowed to form a childcare bubble which is separate from your support bubble. You do not need to rely on this frankly unreliable man and it is unwise to try. He should certainly be expected to contribute financially but you can't enforce him actually being a decent person about this.

Is there literally noone you can get support from? Putting COVID to one side (to me, its essential you are getting support so sod the rules in your instance) have you got any friends or family you can stay with short term until you decide what you want to do? I don't mean this in a nasty way, but it does seem like the relationship is already dead in the water from what you have said. The thing to focus on is your health and happiness and the environment your baby will be brought in to. He seems to be keeping you on a hook for some reason.

Find somewhere else to live. You don't need this shit when you're pregnant.

Lots of men don't find pregnancy physically/sexually attractive so I don't think this is specific to your partner?

I have to say though that I'm not sure what you expected? He is dealing with an unwanted pregnancy and an escalation to your relationship with you moving in - now you are getting on to him about the lack of affection and physical intimacy?

I think you need to leave him be. This relationship isn't healthy for anyone

I went through a pregnancy with an uninterested and unwilling 'partner'. Made me play down my pregnancy even asked me not to tell mutual friends that he was the Dad. When I worried about my health I got told not to make a fuss " you're not the only one who's ever been pregnant" etc etc. It broke my heart and spoiled my only pregnancy, time I can never get back. He wasn't there for the birth " not my sort of thing", didn't come to any scans of which I had to have extra due to concerns, wouldn't look at the pictures and didn't want to feel my bump. He is of course now a Disney Dad. If I had my time again I would have made it clear that my pregnancy was to be celebrated and shouted it from the roof tops to everybody. He didn't want another child. The point I'm making is that this could make your pregnancy a miserable time rather than a joyous preparation for the birth of your child. I would protect your mental health and move out. It will only get worse.