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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don't feed DC until they ask for food

13 replies

FancyDill · 20/03/2021 21:41

I'm fuming. I will write the whole story and not drip feed. Sorry, this will be a long one.

My DM & DF are always dieting, ever since I can remember. They both yoyo between being skinny to being obese. They never eat healthy though. DF's idea of dieting is skipping meals.

DM does “portion control” and eats 1,000 calories per day when dieting. At the end of her diets, she usually comes out being sick, lacking some vitamins etc.

It is also relevant that our diet as children was terrible. Our meals consisted of carbs and meat. There was never any vegetables or fruit in the house. It was not a money issue. We never had set times for food. Basically, in the evening DM would start cooking when she felt hungry… So we just ate at very random times.

Also relevant is that my sibling DS was obese throughout childhood and teenage years. When at uni, DS became active and lost a lot of weight. DS has put up the weight again due to poor diet.

Like DF, I skipped meals. I never really dieted but I skip meals when I want to lose weight and it works. When I started uni and doing my own cooking, I introduced vegetables to my diet. I eat maybe 1-2 fruits in a week.

When DC was born, I was keen to make a change. We cook 2 portions of vegetables for each meal. The fruit bowl is always full. DC eats 2-3 portions of fruit a day. DC is 2. DC was a chubby baby and still has some baby fat. You would not look at DC and say “what a fat child”. DC needs to drop the milk and we will get there. We are not there yet.

I was speaking to DF today and I had to leave to prepare food for lunch. DF told me not to feed DC unless they ask for food. I thought this was both stupid and cruel. Clearly if this is what he did to us, it did not work. And. now DF wanted me to do the same thing to my DC.

This brought back many sad memories for me. How f**ked up was my childhood.

OP posts:
Taswama · 20/03/2021 21:45

Sounds like a very disordered way of eating.
There's a chart online somewhere about stages of hunger and when you should start and stop eating, basically don't wait until you are starving before you eat or keep eating until you are stuffed.

BeardieWeirdie · 20/03/2021 21:45

Don’t ever use them for childcare!

FancyDill · 20/03/2021 22:02

@BeardieWeirdie not planning to.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 20/03/2021 22:36

That sounds awful op,you're doing well and I hope your ds follows your footsteps.
Yanbu to be angry but try not to let it consume you (sorry poor choice of word there),their life is their own,they cannot affect you any longer,carry on being healthy and refuse to listen to them when they begin to talk about diets etc.

Thelnebriati · 20/03/2021 22:41

Regular mealtimes can contribute to a sense of security and family stability. Your attitude towards food sounds a lot healthier than theirs.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/03/2021 22:48

You sound like you are on track.

Why do think a 2 year old needs to "drop the milk"? Milk is nutritious and healthy, it's fine for a 2 year old to have some - I think 2 year olds are meant to have a couple of 6oz cups of milk a day.

My 4 year old still has a cup in the morning plus some in porridge & yoghurt.

DimidDavilby · 20/03/2021 22:53

Your 2 year old should still have baby fat. They are still a baby and should continue to drink milk which is nutritious and full of calcium..

Ploughingthrough · 20/03/2021 22:54

All sounds a bit odd. 2 year old drinking milk is fine, and regular meal times are also normal. My DC are a bit older and I might sometimes say 'let's wait till you feel hungry for dinner' if I suspect that they are not that hungry and will end up not eating well. But at 2 you just make meals and offer them surely. Ignore them.

ForgedInFire · 20/03/2021 23:04

This sounds quite similar to my childhood. My mum was obese and did not eat breakfast or lunch, she would have a large dinner and then binge eat in the evenings. We never had vegetables and limited fruit. Because my mum wasn't hungry until the evening, we wouldn't have breakfast and would scrounge lunch out of what was available. We didnt ask for food because mum would embarrass us because she wasn't hungry yet. As adults we are all obese and have food issues, so I say ignore your ILs and teach your kids good food habits!

FancyDill · 20/03/2021 23:12

@ForgedInFire I’m so sorry, we had very similar experiences.

OP posts:
VictoriaLudorum · 20/03/2021 23:33

That all sounds really strange.
BUT you can change it.
Just try 3 meals a day.
Breakfast
Lunch
Supper
Set times, so everyone knows what is on offer and when.
Sensible food, so a good mix of fruit, veg, protein, carbs. See how it goes.
Your parents possibly didn't have any understanding or awareness of food and nutrition, however, that does not mean you need to carry on their patterns.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 20/03/2021 23:58

"We dont do that sort sort of thing nowadays DF. It stopped around the same time as hanging was banned. Radical I know but we now feed children a minimum of three times a day. We have to dress them and give them a bed and heating and not let them play on motorways too people are funny about it.".

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/03/2021 00:08

If he was saying snacks, then maybe, but definitely not meals. I’m sorry this has brought up bad memories. Your DC will have better than you.

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