Should I not be having a wedding because of lockdown ?

[viixie]

I'll keep it as brief as I can. We booked our wedding last year for a date this year that has meaning to us (it marks a number of years spent together). At the time this was church wedding and reception sit down meal, party etc for around 80 people.

With lockdown this has now been restricted to 15 people. We still wanted to go ahead. However, I've had nothing but hassle from family. For example, why don't you do it next year when everyone can come? What about Uncle Peter? He'd want to see you married it's a shame he can't come. Don't you think it'd be better to do it next year ? Are you having your makeup done ? Well it'll be rubbish for me having my makeup done because I'll have to wear a mask and it'd be stupid (I'd offered to pay for their makeup). Well what are we going to do go to the ceremony we go home and have a little party on our own and you have one on your own ?

There are many more examples. Am I being selfish for still wanting to go ahead this year ? Surely it's the meaning of the marriage but family are making me dread the whole thing and feel really guilty. I almost feel like I want it to be over and done with now. I don't want to bring the topic up with people any more as everything just seems to be negative 😟

Please go ahead! A close family member managed to get married around the lockdowns last year with 12 people there and it was a magical day. It was more important for them to be married than anything else but it was still wonderful

The day should always be about the marriage and not the frippery surrounding it. Go ahead and marry, the day is about the two of you.

Thankyou everyone this has made me feel a lot better. I've been tearful and feeling negative about it all lately. It's hard especially when it's your very close family members who seem to be negative about it all.

Your wedding, do as you want be15 would be great for me! You can always do a party when allowed and wear your wedding dress

DH said we should elope, its our wedding. Etc.
I said no, it's not fair on the families, our mother's would be upset, there hasn't been a big family get together in years, whats the best location for everyone to travel to.

Every single time I think of our wedding day I think of all the crap I put up with for family politics and wish so much that we'd just gone abroad alone and had a wonderful time just the 2 of us.
Do what you want to to do.

@Chloemol

Your wedding, do as you want be15 would be great for me! You can always do a party when allowed and wear your wedding dress

Now, you see I don't understand the point of this tbh. Either have a wedding party and ceremony at the same time or don't bother.

I personally, think that if the op is bothering to marry, either do it "properly" and how was the original plan, or don't bother. There's no comparison between church wedding and reception sit down meal, party etc for around 80 people and 15 people for a ceremony only.
Even though I'm not big on "huge" showy weddings, but I think that it's about celebrating the day/ceremony with loved ones. The latter may as well be a Gretna Green or Las Vegas Elvis ceremony to me and I understand the family's thoughts on the matter and being concerned that the op will regret this choice in the future.

Have your wedding when you want and how you want.....
Anyone who makes a negative comment can be uninvited.....

This is the time to turn it round....and just refuse to discuss...
Either ...blunt do you want to come or not...
"Whose wedding is it? "
Or just change the subject or "gotta go..." assuming you don't live with the moaners...you'll not be seeing them much ...I would say once" this is what we want and this is what we're doing...not up for discussion "
And just repeat or change the subject..or silence and paint your nails/watch TV...whilst they rabbit on...don't engage...
Look up grey rock it can be a good technique for dealing with people who try to emotionally blackmail you..

Get married on your own and then have a party/reception next year maybe with a blessing type thing if you want. You are entitled to do what you want it is your wedding after all.

It's definitely your wedding, so entirely your choice.

But, as a guest, I wouldn't be looking forward to the wedding. I don't think it would be especially fun or celebratory, although of course it would have significance for you as a couple.

If I was sufficiently close to you, and on good terms, and felt that we had the sort of relationship where you could discuss such things, I guess I might ask whether you'd thought about postponing until such time as you could have the wedding you originally wanted, with no restrictions and all your guests, and one where your guests could look forward to dressing up, seeing distant family, and properly celebrating.

I suppose what I mean is - if you were my daughter or my sister, or someone who I trusted to give me honest advice when I needed it, I might say something.

If I was a peripheral guest, someone where it wouldn't make much difference whether I was there or not really, I wouldn't dare presume to say anything.

But I know in my family that weddings are always seen as an opportunity to show how important the guests are to the couple, too.

If you want to do it, do it. We did last July, sticking to our original date (although obviously not our original plan!). All of our guests had to wear masks in the church and, @willibald, they did it without complaining.

There are some people who were put out that they could no longer attend but we just wanted a tiny, family wedding and for it to be done. I think a lot of people have had their perspective changed during the past year. We certainly did and realised that the ceremony was the important part for us, rather than the party afterwards. If we’d put it back a year to hold the original event then we’d still be in the same uncertain position today. I’m glad we did it.

Choose what you think will make you happy. Guests have a way of making a wedding about them - really, it’s the two of you choosing to spend your lives together. Good luck, OP.

If they are being this tricky, just imagine the opinions they’d be offering on how you “should” do things if you were having a big event!!! Your wishes would end up compromised out of the picture to please them. I’d view it as a lucky escape and get married as planned with as few of them there as possible!

We got married with 25 people (5 were under 5) and had the reception outside in mum and dad's garden in September (very quick service, 30 mins tops). My partner's family are in America, so missed it, it was a very small family affair (my mum, dad, dbro and family, a couple of aunts and uncles, my bridesmaids and their partners/families). My friends who were going to get married when we originally were (June), postponed til Easter half term and have postponed again. ..im glad we did what we did and got the support we did.

Uninvite those who have given you hassle, keep those who have been dignified and understanding.

We got married in August 2020 with 30 guests, some of my extended family were annoyed but I am so glad we did it, we will have a big party when possible but who knows when this mess will be over and we wanted to be married for the security and not wait.

Do it without them. If the makeup comments are real, someone is really a waste of good oxygen.

Sorry your family & friends are being so unhelpful, it is very stressful planning a wedding at the best of times. Of course you're not being unreasonable.

I'm also planning my wedding this year (already postponed once from last year) and all I can say is if you're happy to scale it down then just go for it while you can! My original date was also chosen because it was significant to us but the country was back in lockdown and weddings banned again by the time the date came around.

In your shoes I'd just make it clear to the invitees that this is when my wedding is going to be, and if they didn't want to come please let me know in plenty of time so I can offer their place to someone else. A favourite saying on here is "it's an invitation, not a summons".

Assuming that you are paying for it yourselves, it’s your choice how and when you get married. I would also be tempted to elope on your chosen date to avoid all the hassle.

Its your wedding - do it when and how you want.

Maybe have an anniversary party next year and invite Uncle Peter etc to that?