To wonder when this somehow became acceptable and how we can change it?

[Fvje]

I had this experience today, and it made me reflect on all the recent news coverage about attitudes to women, and wonder has it always been like this? And how do we stop it?

What happened was I went to the petrol station for some diesel and to put some air in my tyres.

I had to wait for the air, as there was a lady in front of me. No problem. A bloke drives up, past my car, to try and go into the space, as lady is reversing. I say 'excuse me, I'm already waiting' and go in front of him.

These things happen, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't angry, I just asserted I was next. I thought that was that.

But instead he started shouting at me, swearing about how would he know I was waiting, that I was a stupid fucking woman waiting in the wrong fucking place. His face was red and contorted with anger. All because I'd dared to challenge him.

I asked if he thought it necessary or appropriate to speak like that, if he thought I should have just waited mutely and let him go in front. And he shouted and ranted that yes it was and yes I should.

I wasn't scared. I wasn't even that surprised. I was sad that he felt he had the right to speak to me like that, and also that 3 other people nearby who could all hear him ranting didn't in any way intervene (because I know if I heard a man shouting at a woman like that, I certainly wouldn't have stood silently by).

When did this become accepted? How do we stop men feeling entitled to act like this, and worse? I appreciate this is in the grand scheme of things no big deal but it's kind of like the tip of the iceberg.

@Sunshine1235

I had a man shout at me and called me a ‘fcking c**t’ for briefly parking in a way that slightly inconvenienced him. Yes it was a mistake on my part and I hadn’t realised it would make it slightly harder (but by no means impossible) for him to get out of his space but in that situation I would probably roll my eyes to myself at someone else’s thoughtlessness rather than go on a full on sweary rampage. I wonder what it’s like to be some who is so angry and rude that they blow up at that kind of situation, life must be so stressful surely?

Hopefully they'll give themselves heart attacks and be gone soon.

Some people are just twats.

I am glad you don’t seem too upset but the situation though.

I really feel for you it does shake you up. I had an incident recently where I accidentally cut a guy up at a roundabout, I waved to say sorry, carried in driving and pulled into my work place through barriers etc. And when Parked he came to my window if the car and knocked it, he'd followed me, for about 1 mile and then proceeded to shout and threaten me.

I said calmly it was an accident I realised I was in the wrong lane and he kept shouting called me a stupid bitch, I was fairly intimidated but held my ground then I noticed he'd done this with his children in the car. What sane person teaches their kids it's ok to do this?

So I feel for you it's happening more not less and he was totally out of order shouting at you.

My guy yes I expect a beep or a flash but it was mistake, I didn't go out that morning to cut up Dave in a Ford Fiesta!!

I really notice this when walking to school.

Our school takes lots out of catchment so a lot of people have to drive. Parking is appalling and even though people park lawfully, it can really block up, not least because people refuse to use common sense and give way.

The abuse heaped on some of the mothers by male drivers is appalling. I saw one poor woman get an absolute mouthful as she was trying to get her toddler into his car seat (kerbside). I was too far away to intervene but could hear it all clearly from a distance - you just knew for a fact it wouldn't have happened had she been a bloke.

The most God awful tossers.

To be honest, I don’t think this is just a male trait. Some people’s default setting is attack, attack, attack. It’s becoming more and more prevalent. Question anyone about anything and their first response is to scream abuse.

He was probably embarrassed that he didn't realise you were waiting. Some people get very belligerent when embarrassed, both men and women. They don't know how to gracefully admit they were wrong.

6 years ago I was witness (legally) to a road rage incident where a purple-faced bloke deliberately cut up a cyclist because he didn't like the cyclist's position on the roundabout. Cyclist was on the ground, but not badly hurt; I'd marched on in as the driver was by then standing over the floored cyclist, ranting.

I weighed in because it was a busy road, bloke on the road, out-of-control road-raged driver.

The driver among other things shouted at the downed cyclist 'And don't you fucking well swear in front of my fucking kids, you cunt!' - when I saw his horrified partner and wide eyed kids in the back of his car.

I cited that in court. A ripple of dry laughter followed. The driver was found guilty of dangerous driving, or driving likely to cause etc etc.

The policeman who called me to tell me the result of the case (and had stayed in court the whole case) told me he thought that'd swayed the jury.

Who knows?

Now, if I'd witnessed the OPs situation, I'd make it clear I was watching, I'd have my phone in my hand, and I'd make sure the ranter knew I was watching him.

I had something similar outside a supermarket.

I’m through being calm. I pushed him back and screamed every variant of fucking cunt, motherfucking cunt, fuck you cunt, that I could think of.

Someone who didn’t see the altercation from the start and who saw me acting like that may say I was a Karen.

The guy left with his tail between his legs.

The only thing I regret is that ‘motherfucking’ is insulting to women. I have zero regrets.

Like @M4J4, standing up to them can be the only thing that makes them back down. I’m not recommending it but I’ve had times where the red mist has descended and I’ve confronted them. Most recently was a van tailgating me, beeping at me for giving way (to the right, like you ave to unless you want to cause an accident) and flashing his lights because I was driving at more or less the speed limit (probably slightly over it, but I wasn’t going to go faster than that because there were cameras on that stretch).

I pulled up in a queue for a roundabout and he was revving his engine at me, despite cars in front of me, and I lost my temper - I got out and asked him what his fucking problem was, to which he replied I was in his way. It got rather heated and he went to get out of his van - I stood my ground, folded my arms and raised my eyebrows in a kind of “Yeah, and?” way. He paused, got back in his van and shut the door.

I don’t think he was expecting to be challenged, or for a woman not to be scared of him.

You should get in touch with your local police and report him

Men do this because we accept it and they get away with it. Make it so this one doesn’t get away with it, and next time he won’t do it

We all need to do this otherwise nothing will change

In my experience it could very easily been a woman who was doing the ranting. The guy is a prick but woman can be too . Blaming all men are angry is tedious. My husband would never ever speak to a man or a woman like that . Some men would have a go at a woman but not a man and yes that’s unacceptable but I refuse to believe it’s all men it’s some people are pricks men and woman .