I am purposely avoiding genders and it’s also very identifying. So hi if you recognise this, and no hard feelings, I guess?
I took my kids out for a walk a while ago, we ran into a few children who go to their school. They had a nice time playing football, catch Etc, then it developed into somewhat more ‘play aggressive’ stick fighting Etc.
Throughout most of it the father and occasionally grandparents were there, but towards the end, before they started getting a bit carried away, the adults, other than me, went inside (their garden opens onto the field where they were playing).
After chasing each other with sticks and toy swords, at one point my child got hit, hurt and screamed, they scream a lot, it’s a problem but wasn’t a big deal here really. Although I encouraged my child to go home if they’d had enough they carried on playing, mostly nicely.
There was a big branch that my child had been playing with earlier, in the presence of the father.
Their child then picked up this branch and started to chase my child with it. They were obviously getting a bit boisterous at this time, but I didn’t for one moment think they would hit my child with it. Then my child picked up the stick and went towards the neighbour’s child with it, just as I was telling them to put it down the child’s grandmother came out and shouted at me “why can’t you control your child!?”
I answered that I had told them to put it down and that they’d both been playing with it. She shouted that her grandchild “wasn’t the one chasing them with a big stick.” I answered that they had just them self had the stick and that they were only playing but I had told my child to put it down and that we were going now. She said something else but we were walking away and it’s a blur really. The child shouted some nasty things back about my child.
To be honest I wouldn’t have thought any of this was a big deal really, they were playing nicely for ages, then things started getting a bit too boisterous and so we were going to leave, if she’d have appeared 30 seconds later we’d have been gone. Or if she’d have been watching the whole time she’d have seen that her grandchild had effectively ‘started it’ and would have been there to control them..
This is the first time my children have played with any other children, other than at school, for a year.
My mental health is also shot to hell and this has shaken me up so much. I don’t do confrontation and honestly just getting us out of the house at the moment is a struggle, we had a nice time and now I feel crap.
Was I being unreasonable for letting it get to that stage? All I think I could have done is taken them home the moment they touched the big stick the first time, even though it wasn’t causing any problems at that point, or taken them home as soon as they started play fighting?
Or was I not being unreasonable and someone from their household should have been supervising the kids and stepped in when their child picked up the stick and chased my child with it, and avoided the need to yell at me?
Honestly I think the kids were both giving as much as they were getting, and it ended with them getting cross at each other but if the grandma hadn’t shouted at me and called the child in, my telling my child to put the stick down and that we were going would probably have been enough to let them part ways on friendlier terms, as it happened it became an abrupt, unpleasant, rushed parting.
It’s left me feeling really shitty. My child is wild and was certainly screaming more and doing more random stick things, on their own, while the rest played football, but their child was in no way blameless and hurt my children on a couple of occasions, which was part of the rough games they were all playing willingly so I didn’t feel the need to step in as they were accidental.
But at least I was there, watching, ready to step in. At the end point the other adults were all indoors.