Getting engaged

[Hohoholymoley]

My partner and I have decided to get married, I don't particularly want an engagement. I don't see the point, but he thinks I should at least have a ring. Why though?
Can we not just plan our wedding and get married, surely that just makes more sense.
Am I missing something?
Is there a point to being engaged?

If you don’t want a ring, don’t get one. I wanted one so did.

'Being engaged' isn't really any different to what you've done already - agreeing to get married. I didn't see the point in a ring or a big fuss either.

Surely if you are planning to get married then you are engaged. I agree that there is no need to have a ring if you don't want one though.

Does it matter what other people do? Do what you want and yes I would want to get engaged and have a ring

Yeah if you don't want an engagement ring just crack on and set the date.

Up to you obviously 🤷‍♀️

Congratulations on your superiority

If you're planning a wedding, you are engaged. Being given a ring has nothing to do with it other than being symbolic. If you don't want a ring, don't get one.

I don’t get it - if you’ve agreed to get married you are engaged...?

So you’ve decided to get married, you’re engaged. I’d you don’t want an engagement period, get married in a couple of weeks just you, him and some witnesses at your register office. You don’t want a ring? Fine but I can understand him wanting to get you one.

@MiddleParking

Congratulations on your superiority

I don't think she is being superior. DH and I agreed to get married, planned our wedding and got married. I''m not into ring wearing and told him not to bother buying me a ring. I don't think I'm better than someone who wanted a ring though.

It sounds like you’re already engaged. You don’t need a ring if you don’t want one.

Congratulations!

If you dont want a ring dont have one. I wanted one so my dp bought one and proposed.

You can do what you want, but your OP comes off as smeering down at people who like rings and engagements

In the Netherlands the tradition is to buy a ring and wear it on your left hand when you're engaged, then simply move it to your left when you get married. How about that?

Oops - right then left, should have proof read sorry!

You can do what you want, but your OP comes off as smeering down at people who like rings and engagements

I agree.

I don't think she is being superior. DH and I agreed to get married, planned our wedding and got married. I''m not into ring wearing and told him not to bother buying me a ring. I don't think I'm better than someone who wanted a ring though.

But did you start a thread on the internet pretending you don't understand others choices and asking if you're 'missing something'?

Can we not just plan our wedding and get married

Yes, you can.

Is this really causing an issue between the two of you?!

I didn't get a ring- he asked, I said yes, we planned a wedding.
Congratulations!!

I have a ring. Two, actually - engagement ring and wedding ring. I rarely bother with them.

You don't need a ring to be engaged. You don't even need one to be married. It probably varies in different countries but DH and I married in Ireland and there was the option to completely skip the ring exchange part.

You are engaged.

The point of the engagement ring, traditionally, is to warn off other men who might otherwise approach you / give you a couple of thousand pounds to carry around on your hand in case you need emergency money and the marriage goes sour.

Now that women have more access to jobs and there’s a welfare state and random men are slightly less likely to harass you, and resale value for jewellery is v little, there’s less point to the engagement ring and it’s become more a visual statement to people about how much money your spouse does or doesn’t have. Or is just a nice twinkly thing.

Up to you if you want one. Personally I never say no to a gift of a diamond but to each their own.

My friend chose not to have one but now a few years later she said she feels kinda sad and envious when she sees other people’s rings.

@Hohoholymoley

My partner and I have decided to get married, I don't particularly want an engagement. I don't see the point, but he thinks I should at least have a ring. Why though? Can we not just plan our wedding and get married, surely that just makes more sense. Am I missing something? Is there a point to being engaged?

I don’t understand what you mean? Engaged is simply the term that is used once a couple have started to plan their wedding. You don’t do anything in particular and if you don’t want a ring you don’t have to get one.

You are engaged.

I don’t really understand what you mean by “I don’t particularly want an engagement”.
What’s “an engagement” beyond just the period of time between deciding to get married, and actually getting married?
Obviously if you don’t want a ring, a hen do/bridal shower, other generally engagement type things then up to you - I didn’t have a ring or a party. You’re still engaged though.

Well you are engaged because you're getting married so you're engaged to be married. You dont have to have a ring though that's not what being engaged is, it's just something some or most people like to have.