AIBU?
Getting engaged
Hohoholymoley · 20/03/2021 12:02
My partner and I have decided to get married, I don't particularly want an engagement. I don't see the point, but he thinks I should at least have a ring. Why though?
Can we not just plan our wedding and get married, surely that just makes more sense.
Am I missing something?
Is there a point to being engaged?
Am I being unreasonable?
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VainAbigail · 20/03/2021 12:13
So you’ve decided to get married, you’re engaged. I’d you don’t want an engagement period, get married in a couple of weeks just you, him and some witnesses at your register office. You don’t want a ring? Fine but I can understand him wanting to get you one.
RampantIvy · 20/03/2021 12:18
@MiddleParking
I don't think she is being superior. DH and I agreed to get married, planned our wedding and got married. I''m not into ring wearing and told him not to bother buying me a ring. I don't think I'm better than someone who wanted a ring though.
WorraLiberty · 20/03/2021 12:24
I don't think she is being superior. DH and I agreed to get married, planned our wedding and got married. I''m not into ring wearing and told him not to bother buying me a ring. I don't think I'm better than someone who wanted a ring though.
But did you start a thread on the internet pretending you don't understand others choices and asking if you're 'missing something'? 
WaltzesWithSnobs · 20/03/2021 12:40
I have a ring. Two, actually - engagement ring and wedding ring. I rarely bother with them.
You don't need a ring to be engaged. You don't even need one to be married. It probably varies in different countries but DH and I married in Ireland and there was the option to completely skip the ring exchange part.
Skysblue · 20/03/2021 12:40
You are engaged.
The point of the engagement ring, traditionally, is to warn off other men who might otherwise approach you / give you a couple of thousand pounds to carry around on your hand in case you need emergency money and the marriage goes sour.
Now that women have more access to jobs and there’s a welfare state and random men are slightly less likely to harass you, and resale value for jewellery is v little, there’s less point to the engagement ring and it’s become more a visual statement to people about how much money your spouse does or doesn’t have. Or is just a nice twinkly thing.
Up to you if you want one. Personally I never say no to a gift of a diamond but to each their own.
My friend chose not to have one but now a few years later she said she feels kinda sad and envious when she sees other people’s rings.
Aprilx · 20/03/2021 12:44
@Hohoholymoley
Can we not just plan our wedding and get married, surely that just makes more sense.
Am I missing something?
Is there a point to being engaged?
I don’t understand what you mean? Engaged is simply the term that is used once a couple have started to plan their wedding. You don’t do anything in particular and if you don’t want a ring you don’t have to get one.
ChristinaYang10 · 20/03/2021 12:49
I don’t really understand what you mean by “I don’t particularly want an engagement”.
What’s “an engagement” beyond just the period of time between deciding to get married, and actually getting married?
Obviously if you don’t want a ring, a hen do/bridal shower, other generally engagement type things then up to you - I didn’t have a ring or a party. You’re still engaged though.
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