Want more kids but don't want a relationship.

[radiateforme]

I've been dating on and off for a while. The more I date, the more I realise that it's so much better just being on my own. I was meant to have a date tomorrow but considering calling it off in the morning because he seems incredibly immature!
I have one son, and would love for him to have a sibling. I don't see myself having only one. I feel torn as I wouldn't ever have a child through something like sperm donation (not for me and my cousin was conceived this was and is what she refers to herself as 'considerably fucked up' because of it). I also would never get in to a relationship just to have a child. I'm feeling more and more like I need to just accept being single and only having the one.
I'm struggling quite a lot with this. Incredibly grateful for my wonderful son. Pulled in by my urge to have another.
Anyone else feel like this?

Could you consider adopting one? It's obviously not the answer for everyone wanting a child, but if you really want another child and could pass all the checks and your son is keen too, it could be worth investigating?

@SnackSizeRaisin

Could you consider adopting one? It's obviously not the answer for everyone wanting a child, but if you really want another child and could pass all the checks and your son is keen too, it could be worth investigating?

Definitely something I've thought about (more so fostering) but feel such a strong pull to having another biological child. I feel quite selfish for feeling this way but I can't get rid of this feeling.

OP can we ask how old you are?

@Charibdes

OP can we ask how old you are?

I'm 30

That was the Royal we

You are still so young, you have plenty of time to meet someone. Having said that I appreciate you may not want a huge gap between your kids.

You say you are happier alone. Do you really mean that? For how long? No companionship ? No one to help take the kids on holidays with you or look after you when you are unwell?

I'm not judging or criticising just asking

@Charibdes

You are still so young, you have plenty of time to meet someone. Having said that I appreciate you may not want a huge gap between your kids.

You say you are happier alone. Do you really mean that? For how long? No companionship ? No one to help take the kids on holidays with you or look after you when you are unwell?

I'm not judging or criticising just asking

No I completely agree. I guess I'm just scared. I've never had a normal or healthy relationship. My son's dad was abusive. I think I'm just terrified of relationships. Dating is fine but it all seems great, I feel like they're the person I want to settle with, then red flag after red flag start to appear. I'm just exhausted by it. I am genuinely content on my own at the moment. I miss sex, and have an almost desperate urge for another child (one day) but none for a relationship.

You say you're scared. What is it you are scared of?

I'm sorry to hear about the abusive nature of your past relationships