To be fecking fecked off with DH's fag hands on remote, phone, dog, my hair

[SheDroveA2CV]

I've had enough of the fags!!!!! Can't bear it anymore and the "it's a habit" "I'll try to give up" shit. It's driving me fecking insane!!!!!!! The smell. The coughing up every morning. The fag butts in the garden. I put them on a plate. Nothing is working. He just doesn't want to give up. Do I just accept and live with it? I have told him he needs to stop smoking.

@Merryoldgoat

You cannot change anyone’s behaviour. He doesn’t want to stop smoking so decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not then make your decision, but it’s not acceptable to constantly tell him to stop.

I’m an ex smoker. I stopped as I needed an operation and never started again but I do have the odd cigarette when pissed.

I smoked when I met my DH - he didn’t like it but absolutely accepted it.

Agree with this.

I smoked when I met dh. He didn’t, so it must have been quite unpleasant for him, but he never once criticised me or complained about it. Because he was so accepting, I chose to give up under my own steam after just under a year together. It’s not a great habit, I knew it was bad for my health and I did want to quit. However if he had picked on me about it I have no doubt that I would absolutely have doubled down and refused to give up just because he wanted me to (dm’s influence).

I stopped smoking proper cigs almost a year ago by starting ecigs - only because they stopped manufacturing & selling menthol cigs (yes I know..) Can honestly say it took negligible willpower and still get the nicotine hit, but no faggy smells and associated mess of real cigs... maybe worth suggesting he gives it a go?

10-15 fags a day is a fiver to £7.50a day. In a month that's £225.

£2700 a year

Try saving that much yourself from the family pot, see how he likes your solo all-inclusive week in the sun holiday next year while he puffs away at home...

Would be a deal breaker for me.
Grew up with 2 smoker parents - put me off for life.

You don’t have to accept anything, OP. If it’s a choice between him smoking, or leaving him because he chooses not to stop, then it might come down to that.

I do smoke, 4-6 a day, but never in the house, I don’t like it. I live alone, so it’s my choice to do as I please. I wear an old jacket when I’m outside smoking, which gets washed once a week, and put all the butts in a jam jar of water, as I’m paranoid about fire risks. I tried vaping, but it made me cough all the time. Ironic, but cigarettes don’t seem to do that to me. Alcohol makes me heave, even the smell, as do fried foods, but I wouldn’t force someone to give those up for me. It would only create resentment, and likely to make them engage in the behaviour more, from stress.

If you don’t want to a stand-off, might it be an idea to suggest if he wants to smoke, he does it outside? I can sympathise with you with regard to the smell being on everything, if you don’t like it, it’s horrible. But I do think that if he smoked when you got together, you’re being a tad unrealistic to insist he stop now.