To think there is a different attitude towards these two kids

[Thetopgundangerzone]

I just want to see if AIBU in feeling that there is a difference in the way two children are regarded by a particular extended in law

• Child 1 only comments on whats app family groups are things like "genius!", "so many talents", "she takes it in her stride".

• Child 2 only comments are "she's been working hard", "her doing x was a lot of work", "hope she perseveres".

Just as one final point, child 1 is much younger, so I wonder if there is an element of "that's what you always say about young kids as opposed to older kids who actually have to do stuff (like child 2)", but it strikes me more as a fundamentally different attitude towards the children.

So I am looking to mumsnet to either tell me I am being stupid, or there is something in my thinking.

I think you're over thinking this.

Are Child 1 and Child 2 siblings or cousins?

It sounds like child 1 is more naturally able and child 2 has to work a bit harder.

I don't see any issue though?

You are overthinking, both sets of comments are positive. My inlaws dont even care to find out what their grandchildren are doing.

Yes I can see your problem

I think context here is important.
How big is the age difference? Toddlers will get praised purely for doing stuff but expectations change in older kids. So for example a 2 year old throws a ball to dad and it goes in the right general direction. Then it's going to be a good job your a natural ( might be over playing this but you get the point). When a 10 year old makes a basketball shot 5 times in a row then good job you must have been practicing loads to get that good. Both are completely age appropiate responses.
I think praising the work is good for kids it teaches them they need to work to get good at something.

Is there other family issues? Are the kids exposed in an obvious way to favouritism? This may be more of an issue

Cousins.

Thing is child 2 does well in academics and extra curricular. She had problems a few years back regarding a few physical milestones but has more than come through those.

Child 1 is much younger so I don't see how anyone would know yet if she is more naturally able in any substantive way, but I understand parents of young kids love to hear how marvellous they are and that they will be the next child prodigy. That's why I am wondering if I am overthinking it which it sounds like I may well be.

Would need to know the ages of the kids really to answer this "much younger" doesn't help.

For example my ds(8) has a cousin who is 2.

People coo in appreciation over everything the toddler does. The 8 year old has to really work for it.

That's just the way the world works.

Ah ok - @GeorgeandHarold66 it's similar. I guess I know that my DSIL who's kids are cooed over has always been favoured over DH (not going into that now, not relevant), and so that could colour my judgement as history repeating itself - especially as no one seemed to coo when DD was small. But i'll be much less sensitive from now on.

For what it's worth, my ds (and me too if I'm completely honest) struggled with the abrupt switch of attention when toddler came along. I remind myself repeatedly that he was cooed over and spoilt at the same age too. Plus we do dote on the toddler who's gorgeous. Family dynamics aren't easy!!

Without wanting to sound rude (honestly), but why are you so bothered about these comments? Both children are getting positive comments. I agree younger children are often marveled over - until they're not the youngest any more, at least. There is often a 'golden child' too within extended, or even nuclear, families. Try not to be so bothered by comments or comparisons - the most important cheerleader for your children is you.