To ask for some eleven plus advice

[Nora1978]

Sorry not strictly aibu but didn’t get much response on the parenting section!

Dd goes to a lovely village primary but we live in an area with a dreadful local comp so I do feel a bit anxious about getting her into a decent secondary school and feel that she will need to have a go at the eleven plus in the hope that we will have more options.

There is a local girls grammar school that lots of her year four classmates want to go to and they’re getting extra tutoring. We haven’t done this with dd as it feels too early and with everything they’ve all gone through, we’ve made her mental health the highest priority. She is a very bright but sensitive child and hates extra work and I don’t want to put pressure on her so I’m looking for ways of getting her gently prepared from next September when she’s starting year five. I can’t afford tutoring but I just wondered if there are online apps or programs that are more like puzzles that might help prepare her for the eleven plus in a more gentle fun way?

I hate the thought of all this intense studying on top of school work but perhaps I’m being naive and it’s the only way to help her? I would really value some common sense advice from those that have been there as I’m surrounded by very competitive parents who make me feel I’m not doing enough! Thank you 😊

Kids who have to be intensively tutored to pass the 11+ are simply not suited to grammar schools, and usually end up struggling.

Those saying if she doesn’t like extra work, she shouldn’t be trying for grammar school- what child does like extra work?! I’d have done anything to avoid it at her age, but I’m currently doing a degree.

Funnylittlefloozie thats not true. It depends on the dc, the primary school and what type of grammar.
Our area is super selective and the local primary doesn't teach for the 11plus but the private schools do. We used a tutor to plug the gaps and teach technique.

Op, my ds1 loved the tutoring, flew through grammar and thrived, he would have hated the local comp.
Ds2 narrowly missed out but was later diagnosed with dyslexia at the comp, he was given appropriate support and thrived.
Dd passed but was adamant that she wanted to go to the comp. She is now year 11 and has been incredibly happy, is in the top sets and doing well.

Every dc is different and you need to do the right thing for each one, don't make a blanket statement, talk to the schools and see if they offer what your dc needs.

As a mum of a DD, who did not get into grammar school this year, I can only advise you to make your mind one way or another as half-measures jus would not do. My DD is exactly like yours: v bright, sensitive and doesn't want to do any extra studying. I have pushed and pushed with extra work for last 2 years. Damaged my relationship with her, spent many afternoons crying with frustration, having made my DD cry as well :( Not proud of it at all:( In the end, when tests' time came and, in theory, she had to study/repeat even more, I suddenly realised what I am doing to my DC and let her decide herself. The result: she did no studying during run-up to tests for 2 weeks and nothing in between tests (she took 4 tests altogether, as it was for different schools), passed 3, but just above the line, so did not get offers on 1st of March. The 4th test was a Banding test to v popular local academy. There she scored top marks, but still didn't get in, as only 4 places were available for the top Band and 5 categories had priority above DD.
I made my peace with myself now. Now all is left is to repair damaged relationship with my DD

JFCO at least you are honest and both you and your DD can learn from it and move on. Maybe your DD can be on the waiting list for the academy?

I thought we had managed to keep it low key but now he quite often starts saying you better start with our youngest child, make sure you do an hour a night and do more study than I did with our youngest so on. So it does add stress to their lives.

Our child also got upset about children not passing or being deemed selective, it upset him when a wonderfully bright and lovely child was not deemed selective and he was like well how ridiculous is that!

funnylittlefloozie can't remember where I read but kids who scrape into a grammar usually do fine.

It really does depend on so many factors, the primary school my children go to never provided homework. I think they could also opt not to sit the grammar part of the sats (so the SPAG), so it would be really risky to sit a grammar test and not look at what was in it, because school were not allowed to prep and also had other issues to deal with, such as challenging behaviour and poverty amongst students, they could not care less about any 11 plus.

Very different from friend who goes to a private school who had all this prep and tips and work books and with the private schools were invited to coffee mornings to meet with heads etc.

It doesn't matter if any of us passed the 11+ with no preparation, because it's a completely different world, now.

I suppose it depends on where you are, but the grammar school that offered me a place years and years ago wouldn't look at a kid like me, now, because they are drowned with tutored, prepared kids.

For most places with the 11+, giving it a go at home with no help isn't going to get you anywhere.

Hi, I might be able to help. I work with parents to help them prepare their children for the 11+ exams by providing impartial information, guidance, building confidence of parent&child and lots more...
And no- I'm not a tutor, so not trying to get your child in a tuition centre😊

I also hold regular parent webinars/trainings for how to prepare your child to pass the 11+ exams too.
Check out www.facebook.com/11plusparentcoach/