AIBU to think that a woman who took traditional route can never be independent?

[Flappypants]

Hi MN

I've just had the MOST depressing call with a mortgage advisor who basically told me I had no chance of buying a property in the area I have to be in (even going a few miles out of the central area I need to live in). I was married to a real Rottweiler in sheep's clothing - a very controlling (financially, psychologically, sexually, emotionally, socially) man who I left to go into a shelter. He's managed to get the DC 50/50 and I'm tied to a very expensive area with limited resources to rent for too much longer without completely wasting what little I got from the marriage. In the meantime he's kept his multi-million pound business and bought a £750k house two weeks after divorce proceedings ended (where he - of course - pled penury)...

What the heck do people do? I'm upskilling and trying to get my life back on track and even with an ok job earning £30-40k there isn't a snowflake's chance in hell I can afford to buy anything here (it's an expensive area). I can't move to somewhere much cheaper as we have shared care, so I can't move with the DC.

What do people do? Please please offer me a glimmer of hope? I went all in to be a wife and mother but of course it has made me financially unstable and without any decent prospect of my own home (I'm also 42 and single, and don't want to have to be reliant on a man - or anyone for that matter - for my financial security)! I'm certainly paying for a series of bad life choices, aren't I?

HEEEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!

I think I'd be returning to court over the divorce settlement

I don't really understand how you are in this position.

What the fuck was your solicitor doing?

Rent or move cheaper. You don’t have to stay close to do handovers it’s only more convenient to do so.

We all make choices on life, some good some bad.

I don’t think many look to the future though when making large decisions and don’t think of the consequences just their wants at the time.

You can teach your children though going forward to remain responsible for themselves rather than rely on another to do it and ensure they have a good work ethic and know it’s perfectly possible to parent and remain in their career.

I'd imagine people rent then move to a cheaper area when the kids are older or grown up. Many of us on these salaries can't afford to live in expensive areas.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing up skilling. I have a friend who moved to London for her partners career whhen their cjidk was a baby. They have since split up. She's stuck living in an expensive area of London for the child's school and so the father can have access. He has the child a few your after school and a few hours on a weekend
Meanwhile it riles my friends life living there! So I gwt it.

She's just trying to make the best of it. She's hot a lovely little flat. She's got a job aftet he made it impossible to work. She's even got a little side buisness. She's planning to move when their child is old enough to decide where to live / who to live with.

So I suppose just make life about you and the kids after being in a crap relationship and have a long term plan.

At your age I was earning the same money having been independent and worked in good jobs my whole life (no kids). I had recently bought a small flat for £165k, which was my first property. Your issue is the area you live in, rather than your life choices having left you worse off.