To just give up

[Coffee37]

Lockdown has ruined my life. I’ve spent a year home alone 99% of the time with my 3 year old, working and studying from home, dreading each day as I know it will be exactly the same as the last. I’ve gained 2.5 stone in a year because I literally live my entire life from the living room with occasional boring walks.

I’m so sick and tired of people suggesting zoom meetings to socialise, I spend nearly every waking moment indoors staring at a screen out of obligation and I can’t bring myself to want to do it for even longer willingly. Things were looking up a couple of months ago when I met someone and bubbled with them, but they started showing controlling and manipulative red flags so it looks like I’m alone again. No family or friends nearby to bubble with.

I feel so bitter and sad. I genuinely can’t see things improving and I just want to give up. I dont think I have it in me to carry on like this. I woke up today and cried knowing I have to wait for another shit day to end, the same as yesterday was, the same as tomorrow will be.

I am in Melbourne and so while our lockdown was not a full year like you have experienced in the UK, I have some understanding of how tough it can be. It is boring, lonely and infuriating. I sometimes felt overwhelmed at simply choosing what to do because it didn't really matter what I did, nothing would change because the situation was out of my hands.

All I can say, is that you just have to push through and keep on keeping on. Get dressed, brush your hair and teeth, eat well, do a bit of exercise each day. Because this will end eventually and you will want to be in the best mental health possible to be able to enjoy and make the most of it as the world starts awakening again.

It's absolutely shit. It's unfair. You're allowed to feel like crap and have a cry or scream. But just keep doing whatever you can to cope moment by moment.

Good luck.

Ps. On the zoom issue - would it feel better to have normal phone calls with friends rather than zooms?