... to ask things you've done (or wished you'd done in your 50s)

[nyteflyte]

New to MN, and just over 50. Even though I've been lucky enough to be working through, the lockdown and all that stuff had made reflect on my age and things I'd like to do.

It's a conversation I've been having with friends too. Here are a few I've been told:

• reduce debt/mortgage in case you want/need to retire earlier
• ensure you have an annual physical
• spend time with your parents (luckily both mine are alive and osk-ish health)

Any suggestions you have would be helpful!

If you are physically healthy try to do all the adventurous stuff you’ve always wanted to do. On a similar note make an absolute effort to stay as fit and healthy as you can, including controlling your weight.

Spend time with your wider family. Spend time with your friends. It’s quite shocking when they start to get ill or die, some will be much younger than you’d thought.

I did couch to 5k in my late 50s, as well as a general fitness class, weekly yoga and several weights sessions per week. Walked to and from full-time work also did some volunteering.

Pay off mortgage
Boost pension.

Everything else will fall into place around that 😊

When I turned 50, I left my stressful job. I was lucky because the mortgage was paid off, but the best thing I did was start being grateful for every day, and live it to the fullest. Changed my mindset, basically. Before covid, I lost too many friends and family members, a lot of them so sudden and without warning.
So I left, got fitter (lost 20lbs. It took 18 months but that's ok, too. No more stressing about my weight. Nice and easy does it).
I'm still committed to being as healthy as possible, but like I said, have stopped stressing about it. I still have a drink when I want ( I am a work in progress!).
I also spent more time with my granddaughter. When I was working, it would have just been on a Saturday. Now it's 4 times a week, and it's the best thing ever.
During Lockdown, I got a cleaning job. I couldn't go to the gym or on a trip abroad, and couldn't sit at home all day. I love the job, and that's surprised me, too, so keep your options open !

but the best thing I did was start being grateful for every day, and live it to the fullest. Changed my mindset, basically
Totally agree with that.

Witnessing the struggles my parents face, missing being able to go on long walks, difficulties with hearing, at risk of losing their sight, and having to cope with chronic pain or painful body parts after another, I've become more aware of the things we take for granted.

I'm finding myself much more focused on the things to be thankful for rather than what I don't have.

I think that's why I struggle with many threads. So much whinging, envy, making big dramas out of little, but maybe it is indeed an age thing.

My life is not fantastic, many things I wished different bit all in all, I think I'm much happier than the average.

Most of the things above from other posters I'd agree with. Sadly, from my older sister, I see that there is a BIG difference for many people with 5 or 10 years at that age. When I was 50, she was 60, so it made me aware of those things. A few things jump out:

• get/keep fit, easier change to make at 50 than 60
• longer distance travel, walking/hiking holidays, all that stuff is much easier
• have a much sex as possible, your DP/DH might be less able in a few years, enjoy it now :)
• cut out negative people from your life

None of those things stop at 60, but take/make it while you can.

I don't think there is anything special about 50s, it more about realizing that things don't last for ever, make the most of what you've got and so on. That often happens with passing of close friends/family, as well as with reaching a certain age. For me some items were unique and perhaps not typical, but here

• Cutting back alcohol. I probably drank too much in 20s/30s/40s. I only drink wine in it's country of origin. I know that's a bit strange, but we go on holidays to France or Spain usually :)

• I always knew I had primary or lifelong anorgasmia (I've posted on the "never had an orgasm" thread under a different user name). I mentioned this in casual or joking way during my GP visit (she has been my GP for 10+ years). I got a follow up referral, and the rest is history :)

But beyond my own strange items, I'd be very much in tune with the previous posters.

I makes a lot sense to take up a hobby, or re-start a hobby that you had as a child. For me I've started playing piano again. No such my pieces, more like songs and tunes.

Also, the fitness side people should take care. I know a few people who during 40s/50s suddenly went from 0--->100 in gym, or running or cycling and ended up with injuries. I deliberately do more walking, and do a few months of yoga per year. I should probably do more.

As with others, got rid of mortgage and boosted pension, saw my parents, etc.

I made sure I visited my friends, all over the UK and some of the abroad ones, or made time for them to come to me. This hadn't stopped in my 60s, it is just on pause from Covid. But we're all getting older, and it is less easy to travel, sleep on sofas or strange beds, and some of my older friends are no longer here.
On that note, I would say get acquainted with Zoom, Skype, or similar, but I expect most people have now, as a result of Covid.

Got into some interesting things with like minded people... in my case, it was environmental stuff, witchcraft and tarot, but the basic thing is to develop hobbies, beliefs or pastimes that will give you outside interests, continuing personal development and help you keep going out and meeting people.

Visit some of the places you love, or always wanted to see, especially the less easy to access ones.
It has become apparent that I will never see the top of Glastonbury Tor or Croagh Patrick again, as I can't manage the climb, and I had my last trip up to Lud's Cathedral the summer before last.

I wish I'd done more to get the house ready for older age (although luckily a small legacy will take care of this) and that I’d got optimally fit, given my heart condition.

If you're thinking about retiring to some picturesque seaside or countryside place, do it sooner rather than later.
You'll be moving away from all your friends and contacts, that really good plumber, who always comes out, that trustworthy garage, the nice handyman, etc, and you'll have to find them all over again.

I didn't have grandchildren when I was in my 50s, but Covid permitting, will spend as much time with them as poss.

Prioritise friends, find time to spend with them.

This is a very dull one, but the importance of it has really hit home for me in the last few months. I am glad that your parents are in good health, but if you can get stuff in place now, for when that might change, I'd do it, if you haven't already. Things like power of attorney, wills in place, if they are in a position to pay for funeral plan etc, I'd encourage it.

I realise that is bleak and not quite in the spirit of what you were asking, but some tough conversations and some admin now will save endless hours of stress down the line.

Anyway, that's put a dampener on things! I'll be off now! 😀

I agree about Power of Attourney.

@CatFacePoodle, 😂, that didn't put a dampened on things. It's good advice. My mum was so organized in her life. She would always say, when I go, it's all in that cupboard. We expected a manila folder with itemized bits, etc , details of everything. When we opened said cupboard, it was like an avalanche. Of everything but !! We couldn't believe it. It was a veritable nightmare, and the first thing I did was buy a folder,and put all the important bits in for my son. It's funny to us now, but it wasn't at the time. So stressful. Even minutiae like what to do with her wedding ring. It caused a few problems, and as siblings, we never fall out. We did then, though, because of the stress.

Amdone123 that sounds incredibly stressful, just what you don't need on top of grieving. It's all so hard anyway, but when you've got to second guess what your parents wishes might have been, it just adds masses of worry.

@CatFacePoodle, your post is really good advice too!!

@CatFacePoodle, I'll help you further put a damper on things now :) What you said is very real and practical. I'd add today that is even more important today when so many people have digital content and subscribe to digital services.

For example, access to bank accounts, service/subscription account numbers so that can be changed if needed, and so on. The Dad of a friend of mine passed away about a year ago, and it took a long while to sort out those types of issues.

A few thoughts from me

1. Take a little bit more time to stop, think, look
2. I like to travel, but am conscious of the environmental impact. There are lots of things on our doorsteps, areas, towns and country to explore before going further away
3. Do/try any of the physical activities than can be impacted by age, including sex (I know it's often frowned upon on MN :) )
4. Look after your physical and mental health

@CatFacePoodle after reading an article about Kate Garraway and her situation I made a note to self to organise POA pronto. Ironically I insisted on my parents doing it and didn’t consider ourselves!

I’m going to add another which has been true for us, not everyone will be so lucky, we have more disposable income than we’ve ever had now our DC are adults. We (in usual times) spend it fun stuff, nicer clothes and good food. And travel. Can’t wait to travel again. When DH retires our income will be lower so how’s our time to have fun.

I got divorced. Best thing I ever did. Mental health improved and I became " me" again.

I'd had some discussion on IM re my anorgasmia post, and relating to those exchanges, and as a result of @AuntieMarys post I thought I should add one more thing

• Accept that some things you really can't change. That might be other people, or even something about yourself. I've done OK career wise, but it is not what I really wanted to, and always wish I'd done something different, thought about trying to change career, but that is not going to happen now :(

I’m nearly 50 - reading with interest.
I def intend to travel more once we can
See as much of my friends as poss (don’t have much family and the closest rellies live abroad)
Don’t get stuck in dead end job for next 15 years! I remedied this one but my current employment status is more tenuous but could bear good fruit in a year or so...
Prob the most important - look after physical and mental health. I am much more ‘on it’ with seeing GP re weird symptoms - even if it’s nothing I would rather be safe than sorry. My parents died young and I can’t think of anything worse than leaving my teen DCs without a mum. It’s happened to a couple of their peers and it’s just awful.
Re mortgage etc we’ve just fixed ours for 5 years as the interest rates are so low. Prob won’t move until kids have flown nest which is going to be 7 years at the least I expect.

Make the most of over 50s / 55s offers such as gym membership being cheaper in some council run gyms. Then you can do as many classes as you want and swim, sauna etc

We are mid/late 50s. Having gone through the stress of having to sort out our parents houses and finances after their deaths / moving to care home with dementia I would advise to start decluttering your home and putting all financial information together .

I agree with comments about keeping your fitness up, particularly for anyone just hitting their 50s as it’s a decade which can make a big difference in terms of your overall fitness and health niggles starting .

And yes to making the most of every day. When this lockdown finishes I will definitely be getting out there !

This might sound trivial, but something I'm trying to do: Keep your mind active/learning! That might involve doing a course, learning something new, crosswords, etc.

There is a lot written about keeping active physically, but keep active mentally too.

I'm doing a degree pt and will finish in my mid fifties.

I am loving it and it gives me something else to talk to DS1 who is at uni, we chat about grades, feedback, assignments (although we are doing different degrees).

TimetoHesitate I agree with your point, I’m 52 and make myself work out maths, number, money calculations in my head. It would be so much quicker to use a calculator but I make myself do it. Sometimes I’m really slow but I say to myself come on you can do this.