To ask you to give me an honest insight into your life post divorce?

[Fr3shStart]

Especially if you have children. I often read women talking about how happy they have been since getting divorced, and for many they have gone on to have another relationship/marriage which makes them far happier than their previous one did. But I never seem to hear about women who have found the grass wasn’t greener elsewhere, or that perhaps they regret it, or that it has torn their children’s lives apart etc. And I don’t believe that for every woman/person that gets divorced that life goes on to be a bed of roses. Also the reason for me asking is that I have a baby and I am contemplating divorce, but I just don’t know if my marriage is “awful enough” to go that route and that the upheaval is worth it, especially when I don’t know what is on the other end.

I've been divorced 5 yrs now, it was a heartbreaking time as I loved him but I knew he would never change. My kids were 8 and 14 at the time and it felt like I was a single mom all the time, I was knackered and fed up, and sick of him just swanning in and making a joke of everything. We had a good life but that was because I put all the effort in, I worked ft too and earned more than him but I was belittled. It was a shock to him when I called it all off and left him, rented a house and sold the marital home. I was relieved as the weight of everything had gone and I was happier, but I was also sad of loosing someone I loved and my DD not having her dad around even tho he was never around. When I met someone else the hatred from him was immense and nasty for months. He didn't want me or want anyone else to have me. Not long after he met someone and they now have a toddler, and he has replaced me with her. Hes got a similar family role and they don't get on very well. But its not my problem as I'm actually happy now pursuing another career with my partner. So long story short, the upheaval can be brutal but you can come out better off.

I'm twice divorced. Both my decision. First time I had small children, but we just weren't right for each other. It made little difference financially as we were totally broke anyway - I had been bringing in most of our money and had to give up working full time, which meant I had to go onto benefits but had more time with my children. By the second divorce the children had left home so it was much easier. Both times although it was my decision I felt very sad and lonely and quite a failure, but also immensely relieved that I could at last make decisions for myself and my children without having to consider another adult, and that I could rely on knowing exactly what my income and outgoings would be (barring emergencies). Even if it had had a negative effect on my finances I think I would still have divorced both times, but it would certainly have been a lot more difficult. I don't think I would have divorced the first time if it had meant compromising the security of my children - as in having somewhere to live. As I said, we were broke anyway so that didn't change. My first husband wasn't a bad man, just the wrong man, and I would have stayed with him if the alternative had been to be homeless.

Sorry but another 'blissful' here.

I can relax, run my own home, manage my own finances, choose my own food, Not be belittled or undermined. I am free.

DS is happy and well-balanced. He no longer sees his df drunk. He now lives in a warm happy cheerful home. He sees more of his dad now because ex has to make an effort if he wants to see him. It has worked out well.

Divorcing was my decision - it's now been four years and we are still friendly. I never regretted splitting up and am much happier now. Mainly because I no longer have the issues in my life that were making me unhappy. I would do it all over again if I had to (but there's no way I'll get married again!).

I had several years of long court battles over the finances following my divorce and so there was little peace in that. However whilst my ex was no longer in the home and whilst we never argued whilst together the atmosphere was so much lighter and relaxed. The oppressive atmosphere that I certainly felt was gone.
At the time my children were in their very early teens and although my ex started living locally he only ever saw them for a few hours every couple of weeks on a Saturday. This resulted in no free time for me, but I never minded, I was secretly happy that they prefered to be at home with me.
Whilst married he became a high earner, although I never felt the benefit of that. Once divorced and being granted lifetime spousal maintenance I was in control of my own finances rather than being in receipt of 'housekeeping'.
Prior to becoming a sahm I had my own career, own home and was obviously financially independent. Gradually as a sahm I lost all financial control and became someone I would not recognise at least regarding the finances. I am still shocked how I actually allowed that to happen, but there is no point looking back as that is not the way I am going.
10 years later and we had to downsize eventually, I managed to get my spousal maintenance capitalised and I own my home mortgage free. My two son's have finished university, have jobs and live away from home. I have a permanent job, certainly earning less than if I had not given up my career. It would certianly be much easier if more than one income was coming in, especially when things need doing around the home. These things either have to wait, or never get done....thinking new bathroom.
I have had a couple of relationships, but not with anyone who I wanted to integrate in to my children's lives. I was always careful to make sure that I kept their homelife stable.
I am content on my own with my 2 cats, although there are times when I would like to have some male companionship on my terms.
As for my children's relationship with their father now, that I cannot really comment on, although I am sure they are in contact. He missed out on so much, saw them rarely, did his best to avoid paying the full maintenance for them. Obviously they do not know the full story.
All I do know is that I am home to them and this is where they come for extended visit's. My youngest is at home working at the moment and revising for exams.