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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My boyfriend looks like my dad

27 replies

Ribrabrob · 18/03/2021 22:35

I feel a bit embarassed to write this but it’s been on my mind a while so I wanted to get some thoughts...

My boyfriend looks just like my dad and I’m worried about what people will think. His mannerisms and personality are very similar as well.

I didn’t think it too much of a problem at first but now I feel like it’s the elephant in the room as I’m certain that they, and others, have noticed it too but they’re just too shy to say anything.

If this was a causal relationship I wouldn’t be too worried, but it is and I suppose I’m just a bit worried it says something about me and that it’s a bit odd. If it helps, my dad is a good person but still I guess it’s a bit odd.

Aibu to date someone that looks like my dad? Aibu to continue dating and hopefully being with him forever! Am I bit odd?!

OP posts:

MzHz · 18/03/2021 22:37

I actually ended a relationship with someone when I saw in profile that he was promised he spit of my dad

I couldn’t get back from that. It was 100% game over

It was crap, I know, for him sure but that was that. I got the ‘ick’ big time

GojiberryStar · 18/03/2021 22:38

I'd get on with it!

A friend of mine has effectively married her dad.

The man is the spitting image.

It's a bit like dogs looking like their owners isn't it ?

Ovine · 18/03/2021 22:38

Well, do you fancy someone who reminds you so strongly of your father? Do you want to shag someone who reminds you so strongly of your father?

MzHz · 18/03/2021 22:38

God knows why promised found its way in my post!

I blame Steve jobs.

And wine

Oodilallygolly · 18/03/2021 22:39

I think that’s fairly common even if not in looks, it’s common in personality

MajesticWhine · 18/03/2021 22:40

Many people are in this situation but don't realise it or don't admit it. At least you realise it. Can you list some differences as well as similarities? If yes, don't worry about it.

Gertie75 · 18/03/2021 22:41

I've heard that women date men who subconsciously remind them of their Dad's,

It depends if it's making you uncomfortable, does he remind you of your Dad more in personality which is fine or does he make you think of your Dad when you have sex which is not good.

littlepattilou · 18/03/2021 22:41

Incredibly common for a woman to be attracted to someone that's a bit like her dad.

Not weird or anything to worry about. Perfectly normal.

Just google it.

thefourgp · 18/03/2021 22:43

You’ve got a loving father who’s a good man and I assume a good role model of what a good husband/partner should be. You’ve used that role model to find a similar loving man who’s a good person and partner/husband. There’s a lot of women not so lucky. I say hold onto him and ignore any silly comments which will not amount to very much compared to years of being in a happy relationship.

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2021 22:44

It’s a not-uncommon phenomenon. Usually people aren’t really aware of it, though.

My FIL remarried and at some point I was in conversation at a garden party with his new much younger wife’s (quite elderly) mother who merrily told me just how similar FIL was to her late husband and how close her daughter had always been to her father before he died and how devastated her daughter had been but how lovely that FIL reminded them both of dear departed DH/DF ... that was odd!

If you’re happy, forget it. No one’s business, is it?

LaurieFairyCake · 18/03/2021 22:45

Just check he's not your brother ....

felineflutter · 18/03/2021 22:45

I think it's quite common. Gwyneth Paltrow's DF looks a lot like Chris Martin.

KingdomScrolls · 18/03/2021 22:46

DH is about a foot taller than my dad and hasn't started losing his hair in his thirties! They don't have the same hobbies and interests but get on well regardless. However sometimes DH says things and they could have come straight from my dad's mouth, there are also some traits and behaviours particularly around their own routines that are very similar. I'm ok with it, my dad is great.

womanity · 18/03/2021 22:47

It’s really common.

Try reading Jared Diamond’s The Third Chimpanzee for an explanation.

(The tldr version is you want a partner that’s really familiar but not so familiar it’s incest - as proven by lemon-scented rats or hamsters or something. Like I say, read the book...)

saffire · 18/03/2021 22:51

My ex looked like my dad. But nothing alike personality wise. My partner looks nothing like him, but is similar personality and they even both did the same job.

Zoinksalot · 18/03/2021 22:54

Every psychology student has been trying to discredit Freud for decades and then this happens lmao

Lizadork · 18/03/2021 22:56

I know a girl who has married the double of her own mother, very obviously so to me. Not sure if others have noticed. I haven't pointed it out to anyone because they seem really happy. I know the family really well but i am not family, maybe the reason why i can see it very clearly and others may not.

I think a lot of us do date people like our parents for all the good and bad reasons. Like attracts like, and i think if this guy is a nice guy then don't discount him just because he reminds you of what you hopefully love about your dad. He isn't your dad and as long as you don't care, pthers won't either.

Mostly others won't notice because they don't know your dad and your partner like you do. It's the details.

And you may even be wrong.

I thought my cousin was the double of his dad (my uncle) until last year when introduced to his maternal uncle - whoa did they hit copy and paste with that face from that side. I can't unsee him being his uncle's clone now and i thought he was 100% a lookalike of his dad.

If happy, don't worry.

Bipitybopityboop · 18/03/2021 22:56

This made me laugh.

Sorry OP.

PlanetPuddle · 18/03/2021 22:59

If it doesn't give you the ick and you are sure you aren't related then carry on.

MrsMop1964 · 18/03/2021 23:14

I didn't realise until I visited my parents for the first time with my then fiance that he looked pretty much like my dad (although he is North African so his skin tone is darker). We were out to dinner and I looked at my mum and said 'is it just me?' They even had similar characters.
Someone told me once that it proved I had a good relationship with my dad who was in effect my first role model for what a man is.

Schoolchoicesucks · 18/03/2021 23:16

R is that you? I think this is common. My friend's husband is the spitting image of her dad.

MeepleMe · 18/03/2021 23:21

I thought this was a fairly well recognised phenomenon, provided you have a good relationship with your dad. For me, all the things that tell me a man is a good husband/father of my children are the things my dad modelled to me. My DH and dad look similar and enjoy similar hobbies. However they definitely have some physical differences, follow different sports and work in different industries. I'm not sure how I'd feel if everything matched!
Do you fancy your boyfriend OP? Biologically, surely liking someone similar to your dad is a great way of nature ensuring you spread similar genes.

donquixotedelamancha · 18/03/2021 23:27

I suppose I’m just a bit worried it says something about me and that it’s a bit odd.

I think it's fine provided you don't think about your dad while you are having sex. Next time you are with you boyfriend try to avoid thinking about how similar their mannerisms are. Don't wonder about whether they are similar in other ways.

Just keep telling yourself it's not the same as having sex with your dad and you will be fine.

Original poster

Ribrabrob · 19/03/2021 17:50

Ah, nicer replies that I was expecting! Thanks everyone, glad it seems I’m not totally abnormal.

Yes, my dad is a good person and we have a good relationship so I’m lucky in that respect :)

OP posts:

AJB3001 · 19/03/2021 17:56

My almost husband and my dad are very very similar, and while its an ongoing joke in my family (which I don't at all mind we are all abit banter-ish with each other) nobody else bats an eye, personality wise they are just like each other too. But in all honesty it's not something I notice anymore 🙃

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