about money and hen do?

[cosmosontap]

There's been some similar posts lately but this is my first on the topic. NC.

I was maid of honour for a girl I've known 6 years. I was her only friend she met herself, everyone else knows her and her DF as a couple only, so I understood the decision. She is one of those people who always talks about 'her man' and doesn't do anything without him. She doesn't stay out at social events because he's not there etc.

Anyway, I planned her hen do, her virtual hen do when covid hit, her postponed real hen do and now that cannot go ahead (so much admin, hours of my life wasted). She is a bad friend, take my word for it. I finally saw the light when others told me I was a mug.

She would pick me up and drop me as and when it suited her. She would outright lie as to why she couldn't make a date or my birthday and then post incriminating things on social media showing her with 'her man'. However, she is like this to everyone, not just me. I finally pulled back as she was just not making any effort. This eventually led to the inevitable, I was uninvited from her wedding.

From Maid of Honour to no invite in one text message. She didn't even call. She has also uninvited other people who have paid for hen do who are outraged. She also has uninvited people for being vegan as she doesn't want to cater for them etc.

Now then hen do. It has to be cancelled due to covid restrictions and we should get a full refund. However, it was £300 each with a total of 20 people attending. Some paid the full amount as this included accommodation, others paid less to just come to activities. I have a detailed spreadsheet with everything recorded.

Now, she has been a coward and treated me awfully. I'm hurt and I feel petty.
One of the other girls uninvited is a very good friend of mine.

Would I be wrong to refund the apportioned amount (I don't have a full refund yet, only about 40% of the money) to me and the other girl, then just send her the lump sum and tell her to deal with it? (so I'd send us the same as others should get, not refund us the whole amount first as this feels morally wrong)

My replacement (who knew before I did!) has asked if I could transfer all bookings into her name. This is stupid to me, some things required payment later (people didn't send me £300 directly) and the liability is on my card. So I would change the name but not the liability? I have chosen to ignore this.

WWYD in my situation? I am pissed off.

@cosmosontap I don’t agree with others that you should refund everyone individually.
Is there a group WhatsApp?
Do you have the bride or new moh’s bank details?
Was it all booked with one company?
Was it cancelled by then because of covid?

If so, I would send a message explaining that due to covid, the booking has been cancelled and so far the company has refunded 40%. Say that you have forwarded everyone’s 40% refund to bride/moh and everyone is to contact them for their refund and you will forward on the rest of the refund when you receive it. Also explain that you have provided bride/moh with a spreadsheet detailing how much everyone has paid so there is no confusion with how much everyone has paid.
Post screenshots of the refund letter, spreadsheet and bank transfer so everyone can see and there can’t be any repercussions for you.

What an awful situation she has put you in

Cancel everything. Keep the money you personally paid. Repay what your friend paid. Send rest to bride or new MOH to deal with.

cancel everything and refund them, yes its a faff but if they rack up extra charges at the venue you could be liable.

refund yourself and friend in full first. bollocks to them.

I'd cancel everything, refund yourself and the other friend, and then post to group wa the screenshots of the total amount coming in, the screenshots of paying friend & the screenshot of you sending the money 'to Freya' and the cf can organise her own shit.

Another one here saying cancel the entire booking and let them sort it out. When I send money via banking app, I get the chance to send a receipt. Make sure you send a copy of the receipt so she can’t claim you stole
Their money!

I think you refund people according to what they have paid, when you get the full refund. It may be hassle, but not really the new maid of honour’s responsibility.

If you pass it on, then you run the risk of new moh/bride using the money to fund the new hen do, and no-one getting refunds. This will cause more grief to later, if people come chasing you.

I wouldn’t do any refunds though, until you have the full amount. Or do it accordingly to what refund you have received. Ie. Everyone gets 40% of amount paid at the moment.