To wonder how he's walked so easily

[Maybelaterr]

Someone I love tried to kill himself a yearish ago. He hit rock bottom after he moved out of his ex's. Living alone got the better of him.

When he came out of hospital he had six weeks rest. Went back to work full time. Got a dog for company. We had been friends for ages and had dated a little before his suicide attempt. Six months after his suicide attempt we got back involved. He is a fantastic character. Funny and has a great personality. He definitely needed more in his life from people. Not just me. But he needed company. He was lonely and hates being on his own too much. He sleeps downstairs in the house he's in because of the bad memories.

Anyway I've just been a consistent friend. He's called me and I've called him. He came to me for a cuppa and a chat. But we would talk about everything not just his problems. We've got closer in that time. Had lots of fun. I've helped him order things for his house like new bedding and stuff to move on from his ex. He paid but asked me to help. I told him he looked lovely one day in a certain colour and he started buying new stuff in that colour which I found sweet. His confidence was getting so much better. He still had down days and would have to go through what the nurses in hospital helped him with. I lent him money and he always paid me back. But it was just he couldn't always quite get to pay day. I also set him up a shopping account ad he was not eating and wasn't motivated. He started shopping and putting weight on.

Our relationship was going great and then last week his depression was creeping back in. I asked if he needed abit of space on a day he was really quiet. With that he lost his temper. Shouted at me. Blocked me from every platform and that was that. He responded to my messages yesterday but only blunt and with no conversation for me. I asked him if he was happier without me in his life. He said yes he was as it was the only way he could stop me saying things like that. I left it at that.

I just feel abit hurt. I know Its not my job to care for him but I do. He has no support and he just needed those little bits of encouragement to keep going. He was always asking me to do these little things to help him. I just feel really hurt by his sudden change towards me.

Any advice.

It sounds to me as though it's not about you and your friendship to him. It's the mental illness. He'll need medical help. He'll need friendship in the future. You may or may not feel able to offer that, but if you do, you'll need to realise that his illness may cause him to turn on you again sometimes. Can you separate him from his illness? It's not easy, and it's okay to say that it's too much to expect from you.

Sounds like a lucky escape to me. I would walk away from the friendship, too much drama. You’re not responsible for him, you can’t fix him.

I asked him if he was happier without me in his life. He said yes he was as it was the only way he could stop me saying things like that

All I can say is that he must have felt quiet pressured when you asked him that. When you asked if he wanted a bit of space, why couldn’t he just enjoy your company in quiet? You are asking a lot emotionally for someone in his state of mind. As a sufferer of A & D I would have felt stressed/agitated/pressured/guilty by multiple messages tbh. Maybe give it a couple of days then just message that you hope he is okay and you are there if he needs you. No questions, nothing that needs a reply.
FWIW it sounds like he likes you and your company but is really struggling atm.

He sounds extremely hard work. It also sounds like you love him and he sees you as someone convenient. You want far more than he is capable of giving you.

I have a family member with MH issues and it is very tough at times. One of the things about MH is it tends to make people massively selfish and focused on their own needs entirely.

The minute you irritated him or seemed to be needing something from him (reassurance) he cut you off entirely. I think you should step back.

You can't fix people or make them into what you want them to be.

You want more than he can give

Having a relationship with someone with mental illness can be extremely difficult especially when they are unwell .
On the outside I’d say the guy is unwell and you are unreasonable but I have also been where you are op and I know how hard it is too .
But he’s unwell you aren’t and I suppose you have to support him and tell yourself this isn’t him at the moment.
A friendship or relationship is challenging with someone who is ill because bluntly it is all about them it is you supporting them etc .
You are not unreasonable to be upset / confused about how he’s reacted but just remember you are a good friend and you’ve been amazing with him but if at times you feel you can’t be supportive for him then that’s ok too we are all human .
I admit a good friend who’s had severe mental illness I had to stop taking his calls for a while because ironically it was effecting my mental health, I had a family/ work and all sorts going on and at times I couldn’t deal with his health too . Maybe I’m a terrible person but it’s difficult, sometimes you have to put yourself first .

It sounds like you’re smothering him and treating him like a child. Maybe he needed that at one point but not any more. Time to step back and back off