Is one of you the stricter parent?

[Flowers24]

Hi, do you have one parent that is bad cop, one good cop? I ask as my dh is definately the strict one, I am much more placid and tend to let things go. We have teens and I say to him he's always nagging at them or moaning about something, whereas I let it go over my head. I admit i am too soft and should be a lot stricter but i find it so hard to be strict, anyone else? I must add the kids are generally well behaved and polite but can be a bit selfish and not help out enough?

I was the strict one. And to a degree, with my DGC I still am (when they're my responsibility)

You’re making a massive assumption that every child has two parents OP.

I guess I was the strict one by default, as exH did the bare minimum for everything, and barely got involved.

@Jjjjjj1981

You’re making a massive assumption that every child has two parents OP.

Oh fgs, most children do

My husband is the stricter one, and gets fed up of being bad cop. But I am generally more patient than him - it can sometimes cause bad feeling but we can’t help who we are. We never argue about our different parenting styles in front of the kids though!

I'm firmer, bit can let the little things go far more easily. Husband is the type to ignore everything until one little thing gets on his nerves, then will be whiney and naggy all fucking day over every little thing. I think he confuses himself for strict or firm, when in fact the children don't get much distinction between the little and bigger issues.

Our children are now adults , I’d say I was slightly stricter as dh is a soft touch but I was more your horizontal type parent anyway so everything was a bit lax here although they seem to have turned out ok .

@Jjjjjj1981

You’re making a massive assumption that every child has two parents OP.

Sorry should have added, in a 2 parent household!

Would you say women are more patient?

I’m a lone parent so I assumed the op was only referring to couples 🤷‍♀️

And I knew this was going to be a men vs women thing...Loads of dads are the laid back ones

My dh is the shouty one and they don’t listen to him or do as they’re told by him. I have a tone and if I say ‘jump’ dds ask ‘how high?’ I have more control over them, but also think I’m great at listening to them. If one is upset or sad I’ll ask why. Dh dismisses stuff like that and that’s why he doesn’t get the respect. He’s Disney with them sometimes and does fool around with them. I’m left to do all school work with them as he’s really impatient -useless- with homeschooling.

Next question, does it cause arguments when you disagree over parenting?

I'm defo the bad cop. DH the softie

Not for us. DH actually glad to defer to my stricter style, though if he has an issue with anything we discuss it privately.

My dh is also really impatient and not understanding, he gets really annoyed with the teens if they dont do something straight away that he has asked, sometimes I tell him to explain more to them, or if teen is grumpy I will try and find out why and chat, he will just get annoyed and dismiss it !

I am stricter. But I am with the dc more due to shorter working day. Also I think I treat them more and have a solid relationship with them. Dh is very soft hearted but gets annoyed with them quicker than I would but that's down to him being to quiet at times so they don't listen then when he means it.