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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up the Shoes

26 replies

Henrietta75 · 18/03/2021 10:32

So friend works for a UK company that deals with a foreign country branch on a daily basis.

Relations between the 2 places can go from frosty to cordial depending on the employees capacity for patience and courtesy on both sides due to the time, culture and business practice differences.

Employee A is tasked with going over to the foreign country company for the week to better foster relations, complete a project and bring some familiarity to who they are dealing with. They royally mess this up.

Few months later Employee B (subordinate to A) goes and is a resounding success going above and beyond.

Any gifts received from the foreign country company e.g. sweets in the past, are shared amongst the small team in that dept. Employee B whilst there refused any gifts (expensive items not sweets) but they were insistent (due to their culture) so they post an email saying how brilliant Employee B was and please accept this gift personally from the Manager there. Package arrives and the dept gathers round Employee B desk. To great surprise they are a pair of expensive shoes - for women the ones with a coloured sole underneath! Employee B is male and his wife had a milestone birthday during the week he was there so he must of told them about it.

Obviously the shoes cannot be shared out but 2 women in the dept are arguing they should be kept in the company for their use and not given to Employee's B wife based on they have shared all the gifts i.e. sweets out before.

The other team members are not interested (being male) and Employee A (superior) being weak is leaving it to the 3 to sort out as unprecedented situation.

Is he being unreasonable in giving the shoes to his wife or should he keep them in the company for team members?

OP posts:
testingmitb · 18/03/2021 10:34

Ah let him have the shoes for his wife. Or, offer the other ladies a shoe each!!!

greeneyedlulu · 18/03/2021 10:36

sell the shoes on ebay and treat staff to lunch or dinner out with drinks when permitted will probably be the fairest thing to do in this situation. I don't think its right for them to go to the wife now that everyone knows about them. If it was a gift for him like aftershave then it would be ok for him to keep it as he did the work and he works for the company but his wife did nothing and doesn't work with you.

Alexindiamondarmour · 18/03/2021 10:37

Put them on eBay and then buy sweets with the money you make. Those can then be shared out. Or, just let the guy’s wife have them and everyone stops faffing around

Alexandernevermind · 18/03/2021 10:37

He should give them to his wife, they were clearly a gift for her. As if Sonja from Marketing and Betty from Accounts are going to be sharing and taking it in turns to wear the Louboutins!

LagneyandCasey · 18/03/2021 10:37

The gift was sent to him so he should have them, for his wife obviously Wink

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 18/03/2021 10:38

Are the shoes the right size for all three women?

nickdrakeslovechild · 18/03/2021 10:39

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Are the shoes the right size for all three women?
Exactly what ai was thinking!
Alexandernevermind · 18/03/2021 10:40

Ha ha, @testingmitb Solomon's rule. Make each squabbler wear a Louboutin on one foot with a flip flop on the other! Grin

WovenFish · 18/03/2021 10:42

B should have them for his wife. They were sent to him as a gift. Greedy, grabby coworkers.

windymillertheecowarrior · 18/03/2021 10:49

They were a gift for his wife. End of.

Tinydinosaur · 18/03/2021 11:33

They were a gift for his wife. Not his colleagues. I imagine the company relations will go downhill if the gifting company finds out that employees from your company claimed a gift they sent to him.

CreosoteQueen · 18/03/2021 11:36

Sell them and buy a shareable treat. Weird gift for the company to send in the first place really! Given that he was there on company business the solution should be whatever is in the interests of the company, which clearly isn’t for the shoes to go to someone who doesn’t work there.

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/03/2021 11:38

They were clearly for his wife.

Lovewineandchocs · 18/03/2021 11:49

Let him have them for his wife! Provided they are the right size of course. As if two women are going to share them! I’d maybe buy some sweets or something myself to be shared out amongst everyone to keep the peace, but he isn’t obliged to.

bridgetreilly · 18/03/2021 12:20

They are his gift, they can't be shared, there is no reason that the other employees have a greater right to them than he does. Obviously he should take them for his wife and the others need to shut up.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 18/03/2021 12:25

Of course the shoes should be for his wife. DP would instantly not even consider other options because my god if he came home with a pair of those it would be a heros welcome. I would even make him cups of tea ...maybe.

Seriously the employees are being bitter and horrible , what a stupendously silly thing for them to say. I'd genuinely be telling them I would be truly embarrassed for them to be so grabby.

Keep the shoes.

LApprentiSorcier · 18/03/2021 12:27

2 women in the dept are arguing they should be kept in the company for their use

What, you mean they take turns wearing them or borrow them whenever they have a special night out? That's a ridiculous idea. The shoes would soon be ruined by having different foot shapes in them. And this would cut out employee B completely.

Doesn't your workplace have a gifts/bribery policy to dictate how this sort of thing should be handled?

It sounds as though the gift was to B personally, since A had been there previously and didn't get one. Assuming it's within policy, he should keep them.

britnay · 18/03/2021 12:51

Provided they fit her, his wife should have first dibs on them.

Bargebill19 · 18/03/2021 12:56

His wife should have them. He’s done all the hard work!

LizzieMacQueen · 18/03/2021 12:59

Doesn't Employee B have to declare the gift for tax reasons?

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2021 13:04

It's ridiculous that this is even a conversation.

They shoes were given to him so they belong to him.

Incidentally, how did they know what his wife's shoe size is?

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2021 13:07

Ahh sorry, I missed the bit where he must've told them about her birthday, so presumably he told them her shoe size (so it wasn't a surprise to him).

Either way, how can shoes be kept for 'company use? 😂😂

Strawberryfelineforever · 18/03/2021 13:27

Why would other people feel entitled to his wife's birthday present? Because that's essentially what is is? Realistically I think things will turn sour if it's someone's "turn" to use them and they don't bring them back or they damage them. Yes it is a strange gift, but it does seem like it was a PERSONAL gift from them to his wife, as a thank you for doing such a good job and if he said she had a big birthday coming up. Unless they actually specified it was a team gift, which it seems they didn't, then he should give them to his wife as they were intended to be for her.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/03/2021 13:40

Can’t he just buy a couple of bottles of champagne and give everyone a drink after work (once such a thing is permissible again)? All he has to do is say ‘Look, obviously several of you can’t share one pair of shoes, but I want to make sure you al get something to thank you for your hard work.’ Grown women sharing shoes should only happen if you’re in a flatshare sitcom.

roarfeckingroarr · 18/03/2021 13:41

Let his wife have the shoes. Those two women wanting to share them is a bit weird.