Feel ugly

[Colourfulowls]

Not 'ugly', as that's quite strong, but just nothing special.
I'm 29.
Been growing my hair out of a pixie cut since last September, it's now in a short bob but because the bloody salons have been closed for 3 months it's now some sort of mullet, and not really a style I can cut myself.
I think I have pretty small eyes, an ex told me this a lot too. I really like the colour but when I look in the mirror they just don't stand out, look very plain.
I have a very protruding 'hook' nose for which I get filler. The filler helps this part, but my nose is also wide and though I contour, only surgery would really help that.

I have two large gaps between my teeth on the sides, braces wouldn't work on them apparently, only composite bonding for instance which I'm considering having.

I don't drink, smoke, wear suncream, moisturise etc. But have quite deep under eye wrinkles. I have Botox for my crows' feet and 11 lines, but these lines under my eyes are awful and all I see when I look in the mirror.

I am very slim, size 6, but have a spare tyre on the lower part of my belly which I can't shift. This may be due to my diet.

My boyfriend took a photo of me the other day and it may just be the camera distortion but I looked absolutely awful, it wasn't from close up either. Thought I had fairly plump lips but they looked quite thin too.
Just feel ugly and washed out, like I'm nothing special. No idea what sort of make up suits me, I don't wear it usually. Very lucky to have a boyfriend who always tells me I look great, but just feel like I want to look better. A lot of it is surely confidence too.

Do you look in the mirror/at photos of yourself a lot? That way lies the road to hell, imo.

I have a face like a burst welly, and almost never look in the mirror. I would recommend mirror avoidance to anyone suffering low self-confidence about their appearance. At least for a brief time to see if it helps.

Yes I do, and also work in a job where we have mirrors everywhere lol.
I might try to avoid them more.
No idea how I can look this haggard at 29, especially since I take good care of my skin, though I do eat a lot of sugar.

Confidence is far more attractive than any physical feature. There are a million very attractive people that if you looked at them in the minute way you have just done would sound distinctly average. Personality is the biggest and easiest way change your appearance, and nothing’s more off putting than insecurity.

It's true I need to be confident, but I feel that's so much easier when you love the way you look. I know nobody is perfect and Instagram has a lot to answer for.
But I've never seen anybody with a nose like mine before, both hooked and wide.
I'm getting hair extensions when things reopen so that might help me feel better. And maybe look into some sort of make-up class so i can learn how to apply it and what suits me

Yes I do, and also work in a job where we have mirrors everywhere lol.

It's not a hairdresser's, is it?

If so, my sympathies. If you can avoid mirrors/selfies etc, for a while, I'd definitely do it just to see whether your mood lifts.

Unfortunately the reality star version of “beauty” with all the fillers, Botox and filters on every photo are creating a wholly unrealistic and unnatural version of what is beautiful. The fact you are already having fillers and Botox at 29 is pretty concerning as you’re still so young! Also at a size 6 you will not have a “fat” stomach it may feel that way as you are so petite. Not to sound patronising but I think you need to work more on how you feel about yourself as it sound like something verging on body dysmorphia.

I think a large proportion of people would feel like that if they obsess about it.

I know it's much easier to say than to act out, but why exactly is it that you want to be prettier? Surely the biological point of physical attraction is to attract a partner, and you seem to have done that. He obviously fancies you because he tells you so, isn't that enough?
If it's to do with confidence, and you think that if you saw yourself as prettier you would have more confidence, I don't think it works like that. You would just find other things to criticise about yourself.

If tackling your diet would help with your spare tyre, do it! But do it because you want to, for your health. Is it a high carb diet? I think (but not sure) that excess carbs can lead to facial puffiness.

But mostly, just look at your whole life and see what you can do to just increase your enjoyment in life. Do you have sociable hobbies where you make friends? Do you take joy from exercise? Love baths/reading/cosy nights in? Improve your joy and your confidence will grow with it.

Come on, how about listing all the parts of your appearance you do like? You're obsessing on your perceived flaws and this isn't healthy or a route to happiness. The faults you listed are all fairly minor things that people won't necessarily notice because they're not scrutinising your appearance.

Instead of planning cosmetic surgery, why not work on your self confidence? Easier said than done I know, we all have that horrible inner critic but don't make it your focus.

Have a look at body dysmporphia disorder. I think you show a lot of the signs..

Hairdressers are opening soon so hopefully you can book an appointment and get your hair cut. That always makes me feel a lot better about myself. I also find exercise really helps with mood and self confidence. Above all, try to accept and love yourself for who you are (sorry if that sounds a bit wanky, but it's true.

Yes i can understand why you say that.
I haven't told my family about the Botox etc. As I know they would worry, my boyfriend knows and says he doesn't understand why. I just love the improvements it can make to your face.

It doesn't sound patronising at all, maybe it is verging on dysmorphia. I have had bad comments about my nose from exes and random people before, I know I should learn to love it but can't.

I do think this lockdown isn't helping though, not being able to get a haircut etc.

I usually go to the gym so looking forward to that reopening. And enjoy doing art, reading, travelling etc.
It's true that I need to find more enjoyment from other areas of my life.
I think I've always felt the most confident when I think I'm looking my best, I know it sounds sad.
My diet is pretty high carb/sugar sadly. It probably isn't helping the dark circles under my eyes, so I need to improve that.

I think most women feel like you to an extent. We all have parts of our appearance we don't like so you're not alone.

It's when you start obsessing about your flaws, constantly comparing yourself to others and hating yourself that it becomes a problem. You need to change your mindset.

Try to list all the features you like about your appearance. Then list all the qualities that are good about yourself; are you generous, witty, thoughtful, creative, empathetic?

Be kind to yourself. I don't think anyone is feeling their best at the moment. Most people are walking about with dubious hairstyles right now and the light at this time of year is very harsh and unforgiving!

I have a tendency to obsess about my appearance and have to make a real effort not to let those negative thoughts take over. When I was at school I remember a boy in my art class who I liked commenting "Nice body, shame about the face" and laughing with his mates. It's funny how comments like that stay with you. Try not to make them your truth.

There are strategies you can use to help; exercise, mindfulness techniques, etc. Good luck

I think you need to work hard to reframe how you think about yourself. You seem to be getting all your self-worth from the way you look. I hate to tell you this but even the most beautiful faces change over time and aren’t ‘beautiful’ forever.

Start thinking about the things you like about yourself which will be with you forever. Are you kind? Do you put people at ease? Can you make them laugh? Do you have a hobby at which you’re talented, or which brings you into contact with great people? Are you a whiz at fixing the washing machine when it goes on the blink? Are you brilliant at playing monsters with small children?

Despite what social media would have you think, most people don’t judge their, or other people’s, worth by physical beauty. When I have a crisis, I don’t call my most beautiful friend for help and support. I pick the person who I know cares about me and will do what’s needed to help me.

I Hate the way i look my face is so ugly :(
I can't understand why my partner even chooses me there's other females are there that are so much prettier and skinnier than me I'm 30 will I ever grow out of feeling this way. I see all the attractive women on instagram and then look at myself and wonder why my mum didn't abort me instead she brought an ugly child into to grow into an ugly woman my sisters are pretty flat stomachs no stretchmarks even after kids yet im fat and face like a dog makes me very sad😭

Get yourself off social media it truly is poisonous for self esteem. The photos are doctored and in reality very few of them look like that naturally. Also you need to be aware that so many people in the public eye have had surgery. They just don't admit to it

They do everyone seems to compliment them in the comment section it upsets me I'll have to have surgery fillers etc to liked :( I'm lucky to get a few people like me in social media it's all about looks I can't even compete with women in the street sometimes wonder why i torture myself by leaving the house .

@Kelly1991 your posts are so sad to read, your self esteem is in absolute tatters and you owe it to yourself to do something about this before it ruins the rest of your life. As previously advised, get off social media, it's destroying your mental health. I had a big wobble about my appearance a few years ago, but one day I said to myself 'it's not my job to be pretty', it doesn't sound like much, but it's like a penny dropped. I'm not a model, I don't have to be stunning, there are much more important things about me than my appearance! You mention being fat, for me this is an important issue. If I'm fat my clothes look shit and I'm miserable, but more importantly, exercise makes me feel mentally and physically better. I would strongly recommend you tackle your weight through exercise, find something you love or treat yourself to a personal trainer at your local pure gym if you can afford it, otherwise you won't go. Try to eat well. You will feel so much better, your clothes will fit better and you will be beautiful because you will have a smile on your face. You can do this.

I'm pregannt at the moment so there isn't a lot I can do about weight gain at the moment. I'm 17 weeks so got a while to go yet. Just got very upset a couple of days because my body is changing for a 3rd time iwas feeling sad because nothing fits anymore I don't feel good in myself in general but pregnancy is making me feel even worse :(

Focus on the good things. I'm short with boobs I think are too big. My nose is OK but a tiny bit too wide. I'm prone to rosacea. My eyebrows are going grey... I could go on and on! However, I have very good skin and nice eyes. I just focus on the things I like, try and improve what I don't like, but I don't dwell on what I can't change. I'm not suddenly going to grow 3 inches! Also, you're only 29! Have a positive attitude. I bet you look great.

I do have some good days. Its just I worry I'm not good enough for my partner he could easily leave me for someone attractive

Honestly deleting social media was the best thing I ever did for my self esteem. Please consider it. And if you can’t do that, remember that many of the things you’re viewing are not accurate versions of the real thing tho I do get that it’s hard
you have value and I think being a mother, being a good mum even, is super beautiful

29 and size 6 and you think you have a big tummy? I am wondering if you need to talk to a professional about your body image?

I know this an old post but I really hate the way I look. I barely leave the house to avoid being seen. I want surgery to fix myself but I can’t afford it. I’m dreading having to do the school run again in September because I’ll have to be seen and I just know it will make my heart race/make me cry like before.