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Original poster

To ask for some encouragement: overcoming fear of driving

28 replies

AngryFeminist · 17/03/2021 19:37

2021's resolution was to finally force myself through my fear of driving. Tried to learn 4 years ago, sleep-deprived after giving birth, in a manual, in London. This did not help 😂

This time I have booked intensive lessons in an auto, in a smaller city. I'm still bloody petrified. Trying to repeat my friend's mantra: 'everyone you know does it'. I just can't get over this feeling that it's somehow impossible and I'll fail miserably at it. God knows where it comes from. Also the terror of crashing or hitting someone!

I'm bloody determined to grit my teeth and do this, but would love to hear from others who've had similar and managed to pass, or just general confirmation that this is not an impossible task and is eminently learnable (I know it is illogical to think otherwise!!)

OP posts:
moita · 17/03/2021 19:42

I was terrified of driving but persevered and passed first time at 26.

I moved to London shortly afterwards and didn't drive for about 2 years (no need as public transport so good and cheaper).

We then moved to the sticks and DD was born with complex needs: I HAD to drive.

OP - you can do it have faith.

I'm a good driver now, drive every day and can hop in the car and drive no issues.

The freedom is amazing. You won't regret learning and passing!

moita · 17/03/2021 19:44

Oh and I recommend: How to overcome fear of driving: the road to success on Amazon. Not very long but really helped me with coping strategies and putting things into perspective

PivotPivotPivottt · 17/03/2021 19:52

I wasn't terrified but I was a very nervous learner and it took me 18 months and 4 tests. I really struggled with learning and if I'm honest it wasn't until I passed and went out on the road myself everything started to click. I've been driving for a year now and love it. I still haven't been on a motorway but I would like to conquer this fear soon.

I can honestly say nothing got me over the fear of driving it was just perseverance. I read loads of stuff online, watched videos on YouTube, spoke to friends and family but nothing helped me I just refused to give up. I took propranolol for my 3rd and 4th tests but can't say that helped since I failed the 3rdBlush.

After I passed and got my car I posted a thread on here under a different name about being scared to go out alone and all replies told me you just have to get out there and do it. Which I did and haven't looked back since.

Good luck I'm sure you can do it too.

You can

PivotPivotPivottt · 17/03/2021 19:54

Didn't mean that second you can at the end but anyway yes you can Grin

NoSquirrels · 17/03/2021 19:57

Absolutely you can do it. I learned at 17 like everyone else, hated it, didn’t pass my test then lived in London for 20+ years and not doing it was easily excusable and worse the longer I didn’t. Then we moved out and I needed to drive to get the kids to school so I learned fast (several 2 hr lessons a week over a month or so) with a fab, calm instructor and passed first time.

Once you’ve passed you need to drive every day even if you really don’t want to. It’s the only way the nerves get better.

You can do it, you honestly can.

NoSquirrels · 17/03/2021 20:04

Also the terror of crashing or hitting someone!

I remember reading something - it may have been here or elsewhere- that it helps to view the other cars as people like you not impersonal scary objects. Those people don’t want to crash into you, and they don’t want you to crash into them. By and large, they’re going to do what they can to avoid that because it’s expensive, dangerous and inconvenient to crash. So everyone is doing the same thing - looking out for you and asking you to do the same for them, to behave predictably.

So all you have to do is follow the rules and stay alert for other people driving not cars.

Deedee121 · 17/03/2021 20:15

I was the same as you and then bought an automatic car. It was a game changer!

mrscee · 17/03/2021 20:20

It took me 7 attempts and about 4 different instructors to pass my test I was the grand old age of 37 when I finally achieved it. I was so determined to pass that I never gave in and it finally paid off. Without a doubt it's one of the best things I did, I have so much freedom now and don't have to rely on people for lifts.

Penville · 17/03/2021 20:23

You can do it 😊 I was terrible at driving and I passed in the end. Don’t listen to anyone when they say how long it “should” take. Just go at your own pace and make sure you have the right instructor. Some are better with anxious drivers than others. Mine never got rattled - he apparently had one student who panicked and tried to get out of the car when it was going at 30! (Which helped put my nervous blunders into perspective)

StoneColdBitch · 17/03/2021 20:28

@moita

Oh and I recommend: How to overcome fear of driving: the road to success on Amazon. Not very long but really helped me with coping strategies and putting things into perspective
Thank you - I'm a nervous driver (have a car; drive only when I have to) and have just ordered this book!

OP, I found having a small, automatic car helped. That, and looking on Google Street View before driving an unfamiliar route. I'm still fairly nervous though, and drive only when I have to.

Iceskatingfan · 17/03/2021 20:30

OP I am just like you so can’t really encourage you other than to say well done for giving it a go! And you can do it! And also so you know you’re not the only one. You have inspired me to try again soon.

ShowOfHands · 17/03/2021 20:37

I was terrified of learning to drive, crippling fear and I almost hid in a cupboard in an effort to avoid my first lesson.

A friend said to me "the car only does what you tell it to" and it's true. You won't veer out of control suddenly or find yourself out of the blue doing 70mph down the motorway. You'll start doing 20mph down quieter roads with freedom to brake if you need it and a steering wheel which you control. You will learn the skills and work up to going faster or doing more complicated manoeuvres. If you're worrying about really complicated stuff, don't. You'll only meet that as you're ready. See it as a progression, not a skill to be mastered overnight.

Original poster
AngryFeminist · 17/03/2021 20:52

Thanks everyone this is really helpful!

@NoSquirrels and @ShowOfHands those are 2 brilliant ways of rethinking the whole process, thank you!

OP posts:
NurseySA · 17/03/2021 20:54

OP, I was also an incredibly nervous driver. Avoided driving for years, but moved out of London and had to drive for work. I bought a hypnotherapy CD for driving phobia, listened to it every day for a week, and I have never looked back.

PixieDreams · 17/03/2021 21:01

I only passed 3 years ago. I was really nervous and had put it off for so long but made a pact with myself that I would pass before I turned 40 (I did, first attempt!). I watched loads of hypnosis videos on youtube for driving anxiety and i think they really helped. I don't love driving now but I can do it without getting anxious. Good luck, you can do this, just keep at it.

emmylousings · 17/03/2021 21:04

Yeah, it's just a long slow process for some people. It took me a couple of years, about 5 tests. I have passed loads of exams, moved abroad alone, various things, but learning to drive is one of the greatest challenges I've overcome. I was in my early 30s, and I think it's harder when you are older. Now I am really proud of myself for persevering. Would hate to not be able to drive. I know a few people who have given up learning, and I always think it's a bit weak. Maybe it shouldn't be like this (and probably won't always be), but right now, it's an essential life skill. You need to really like your instructor I think, and, if you can do any additional practice with friends or whatever - as you get better - do. You will hear some funny stories. On one test my (manual - clutch control) leg was shaking so much I could hardly use it at all! I reversed a boyfriends car into a huge metal gate once too. He was a complete shit though. Grin

newyeardelurker · 17/03/2021 21:11

Hi I passed my test as a fearless 17 year old then barely drove for 30 years. I had two refresher lessons where the instructor said he had never seen anyone shake so much! But that I could drive and was safe to do so. I drove quite a bit until lockdown. My advice is that your fear will ease with practice and the more you can drive the quicker that will happen. As pp said the other drivers all need to stay safe too, and realising this helps. Good luck.

Whatsissname · 17/03/2021 21:24

I hated driving lessons, so switched to automatic and passed first time. I had planned to get a bit more experience / confidence then take again in manual. I've got the experience and confidence - but never bothered with learning manual! I like driving automatics :) Still not keen on city driving as I very rarely do it, but I don't think twice about normal day-to-day driving now. You just need miles and miles and miles and you'll be fine :)

Original poster
AngryFeminist · 17/03/2021 22:13

@emmylousings I have a really similar story. I'm an academic, lived and travelled all over the world but this is just a huge block for me.

To those reco.mending hypnosis videos, thank you - I loved hypnobirthing so hopefully this will work too!

I'm hoping the switch to auto will make a difference because I hated manual so much. My old instructor was also quite condescending and I developed a disproportionate hatred for his turns of phrase, eg 'press the clutch juuuuust the thickness of a coin'. Like, I cannot see my foot to tell how much that is!!!

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 17/03/2021 22:16

I agree about automatics. I’m sure all the cache about manual cars is a male thing. Learn the roads in a auto and then learn in a manual once you know you can do it. Wish I had insisted my mum learn like that.😔

I was a shit driver and failed 3 tests out of fear. I then got a boyfriend in the army I really fancied. I learnt to drive on an intensive course just so I could drop him off at the airport when he was posted away. It turned out proper motivation was lacking rather than just doing it because everyone said I should.

Also helps if you look at people you know are a bit thick and can drive. You can see it’s not some exclusive black art but a basic skill and a bit of practise.

SaffyWall · 17/03/2021 22:29

You can do it! I had a couple of aborted attempts at learning to drive and then, when I was 29, committed some time and money and passed my test first time. It is life-changing!
Finding the right instructor was a huge factor - not all driving instructors are created equal! If you don't gel with an instructor then don't be afraid to move on to another one. The instructor who I gelled with was great and, even though I cried through the first couple of lessons, was calm and kind always. The other thing that really helped was someone pointing out to me that getting lost is not an indicator of driving skill. I was overly bothered about taking wrong turns etc - but that's not what you're being tested on - learning to drive is about safely controlling a car and not following route directions. Good Luck!

Cyberworrier · 17/03/2021 22:36

Automatics are so much nicer to drive! I miraculously passed in a manual in my mid twenties on second attempt at learning but was still terrified. It was using my mums automatic that gave me confidence- I found gears and mirrors etc all at once overwhelming and just find automatics much simpler and therefore less stressful. Another thing that’s helped was my DH pointing out that it’s ok if I get lost/ make a wrong turning. Then just go somewhere safe to stop and make a plan. In my head I’d been catastrophising and worrying about making the wrong decisions driving, whereas DH basically told me to focus on staying safe and not to worry if late/lost. May sound silly but helped me!

sevencontinents · 17/03/2021 22:37

Another one who struggled beyond belief with nerves when I was learning to drive and there were so many times where I thought I would never pass because I found it so difficult.
Now I LOVE hopping in my car putting on the radio, and driving. It also taught me that I could pretty much do anything I put my mind to and that fear can be overcome. It did wonders for my confidence. You can do it!

Queenie8 · 17/03/2021 22:39

Completely forget manual cars exist!

I passed my test, in London 20+ years ago in a manual. I'm confident to drive a manual and have done so until 6 months ago. I have an electric auto car now. OMG!!! It's so bloody easy and joyful to drive. I just get in, press the accelerator and go, no faffing thinking about gears, changing down to accelerate to join traffic on the motorway, its literally go or stop. The car does the rest. I'm not braking and changing down gears, worrying about stalling as I come to the lights.

Stop. And go.

Just like walking, stop or go.

You can do it.

Also, learning in a newer car, there's "stuff" built in that if you get to close the car automatically brakes, or your instructor does.

I won't be going back to a manual gearbox.

I have every faith in you.

Iamnotminterested · 17/03/2021 22:47

I passed in a manual 30 years ago, first time, but then had no need to drive for a long time...

Now I whizz around in either of our automatics (and there is the key) and love it, though I really must learn how to parallel park...

Automatics all the way!

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