To regret some life choices

[2ndtimemum2]

A zombie thread has really triggered me today.

4 years ago I had a near on perfect life I was in a great well pay job hours were shit but the rewards made up for it, I was financially comfortable my son was happy and were close(thankfully that hasn't changed) I had a small mortgage on a little 2 bed house that was perfect for us, I was having amazing holidays and loads of friends and most importantly I escaped a 5 year toxic relationship and attended lots of counselling for a year.

One bad decision to let my ex back in has turned my life upside down. He wrecked my confidence and the abuse got worse we had an unplanned pregnancy and he cheated on me which caused Me to have a breakdown. I kept baby but had to sell house and try and get a 3 bed before baby was born so ended up buying a house in a really good area but the amount of work it needed has left me completely financially fucked and I'm up to my eyeballs in debt with loans and at the moment I'm renting and paying the mortgage because covid meant there was delays getting the work done. I have no idea what I'm going to do for childcare because the hours I work are evenings and nights too and ex has told me he won't be helping.

Baby has reflux and makes strange with most people. I have not had a night sleep in months. I cry most days I love my kids but this is not the life I wanted...I've 2 kids with 2 different dads and that was the one thing I never ever wanted.

I'm embarrassed by my life and it all comes down to one bad choice....

You have 2 children, a place you will make your own ( with room for the children to grow) and a career and independence. You are doing well ,please do not dwell on parts of the past that cannot be changed.

Thank you for your reply I just feel so miserable right now

Have you got any close family that you can confide in and ask for some support? Now that your toxic ex is out if the picture can you make contact with your friends again. You have two lovely children and have worked hard to get a home for you in a really good area. Is your ex contributing at all financially?

Get some help with how your feeling and the babies reflux.
Sit down and adjust etc your finances.
If you've debt,bothered advice hear on money matters and also Google Dave Ramsey baby steps.
Reach out to family or friends for support

You need to be honest with yourself about why you got back with him. Work through what happened there and move on. All the best.

You're not alone Op. I regret most of my life choices between 19-26. Still living with the consequences.

You had a good life before and you will again. Nothing stays the same forever. Try not to focus on what is happening now but look towards what will come with time. You’ll be proud of yourself again one day!

I don't regret my baby at all but I regret the fact that I have this life if that makes sense? I am.ashamed that I've 2 different kids with 2 different dads.

I have regrets over lots of decisions but you can’t go back so try and turn things around for a good future.

Nothing is ever as simple as one "bad decision". So much is beyond our control. Not to mention the grass is always greener on the other side but there are positives in most situations. You have two children you love, have managed to buy a property in a good area.

It sounds like you are at that toughest part with young kids where childcare costs threaten to overwhelm everything and you get very little headspace or time for yourself - it's really difficult, all you can do is try to focus on ploughing on and trust that the future can only bring possibilities and opportunities. Race on to get to a bright future, don't dwell on the past over much, you can't change it.