To not want my friend to be DH client..

[cocacolalalala]

My DH is a professional coach in a niche industry. My good friend wanted this type of coaching and signed up as a client, through me - initially I was happy with this. However, now I really dislike it! I don't like that my friend has direct access to my DH. I don't at all think they would have an affair, so it's not that. I can't place my finger on why exactly why I have a problem with it. He has a few female clients and I have sent referrals his way so it's not that it's a female. There's just something about my good friend calling and messaging him and having their own work relationship that really really irks me. She's due to renew the coaching next week and I want to tell her not to but I'm not sure what to say. He's happy not to renew if I'm not happy. I am now qualified to coach the same niche which I can offer her but he is a lot more experienced which she may prefer and I'm not sure how for explain this to her.

AIBU? Should I just get over this or are my feelings valid?

it may be a bit of jealousy that now I feel like she has bought my husband in sense
She hasn't bought your husband, she's paying for a service - which you've benefitted from her money, since you referred her in the first place. She wouldn't be buying you either, if you were to offer the coaching.

You mention your friend wants what you have, could it be insecurity that is making you question this now? As in deep down you think she does want your husband?

I agree with you op. It isn't jealousy or insecurity. It's a boundary issue. Some friends, even close ones, you don't want in ALL of your business. I'd find it a bit weird, as if she was encroaching too far into my life. Nothing to do with an affair or my relationship with my DH. More about the friend and most friendships need space and strong boundaries.

Yes, you probably shouldn't have referred her, but you probably didn't see how it would feel until it was too late. I'd get him to make an excuse if he doesn't need the business, if he is happy to and if he can do so without causing a major rupture.

And sweet jesus, no, don't coach her yourself! Why would you do that?!

Honestly? I think you need to get over it unless

1. they're messaging each other more than he would normally with a client
2. he insists of retelling you everything
3. he's talking about her outside of you talking about her

If SHE'S talking about him excessively then your issue is with her and the friendship has problems anywya

@SleepingStandingUp

Honestly? I think you need to get over it unless

1. they're messaging each other more than he would normally with a client
2. he insists of retelling you everything
3. he's talking about her outside of you talking about her

If SHE'S talking about him excessively then your issue is with her and the friendship has problems anywya

I agree with this. You set up the arrangement in the first place, if you choose to put a stop to it your friend could be quite rightly pissed off!

I wouldn't like this kind of 'overlapping' where the boundaries are blurred, because she is a family friend so it is not a professional relationship.

I also listen to my instincts, so to preserve the friendship I would ask dh not to renew. That way you don't need to find a difficult way of telling her, and he can say he is overwhelmed with work and can't carry on. She then has the option of continuing with you, which I wouldn't recommend given how you feel or going elsewhere.

Also listen to your gut. It is never ever wrong. You are right to feel as you do even if you can not place the source.

There is a bit of a background where I feel like everything I have, she wants too...or if I have any kind of opportunity, the first thing she wants to know is how she can benefit from it before hearing what I'm actually saying about it

Ah. Be very careful of those type of people. I'd urge your DH to make some excuse to disentangle from this. Its generally not a good idea to have friends as clients anyway.