To fear reading certain messages from people?

[BalloonCityBaseline]

I wouldn't describe myself as anxious but I'm definitely a people pleaser. I get very anxious about reading certain WhatsApp messages and texts.
Last night I messaged my friend saying I didn't want to do something, nothing big, but something I knew she would be upset about. Now I can't open WhatsApp as I know the reply will be on there. I know 90% of the time it's better than I expect but I can't help feeling it's going to be much worse.
Does anyone else feel this way? For example if you email a colleague a response and you know they might take it badly, do you avoid reading the response? How can I become more confident and stop avoiding?

Oh god yes. I dread opening my email each morning. Many years ago I got rid of all answering services home and mobile because I was suffering so much with anxiety seeing messages waiting. It’s been a huge relief but the texts and emails remain. I think anyone with anxiety will feel like this actually.

Yes I know exactly what you mean. It's definitely an anxiety type feeling. I've been reading about rejection sensitivity which is a kind of buzzword at the moment in the online neurodiverse community (but affects lots of people, not just neurodiverse) as it's a sort of overreaction to this kind of thing because you perceive any incidence of anyone being less than thrilled with you as a complete disaster.

I've found it's helped to put my feelings into context and tell myself "it's just a feeling, they do not actually hate me, everything is OK". Also taking a break from the phone and reading the message when I've got a strong mindset in place.

You are overthinking it.
Get the message opened and get it dealt with, then you can start to forget about it and move on.

I've turned off my work voicemail as it's just one too many assaults on me when I start work (still have online notifications from shared case notes system, emails, teams notifications, business WA messages & text messages). Luckily haven't been told off yet.

I think this is classed as anxiety.

I feel like this every day opening work emails. I wish people would hold sending me emails at night and just send during work hours. The weekend is the worse with so many emails.

Oh yes.

Yes, I'm like this. Sometimes I even delete the app for a bit to avoid replies! But actually, having it hanging over you is worse because it ruins your day and then, as you say, it is never that bad. So I allow myself a set time to avoid and then open and get on with life. I've also culled contacts so toxic people or those I don't need anymore are gone. I've stopped using fb too. It's ok to be like this

I am like this with all mail/email

@BertieBotts I completely feel like this. I spend hours overanalysing how I came across in situations and was 'so and so' actually a bit put out that I didn't eat the cake she brought in.
I find voicemails the worst! Friend has left me two voice messages on WhatsApp and I would actually rather eat regurgitated cat food than listen to them right now.

@DinosaurDiana

You are overthinking it. Get the message opened and get it dealt with, then you can start to forget about it and move on.

What excellent advice to someone who admits this kind of thing makes them feel anxious

Strangely I feel the morning is worse. Once I've been up and while and had a few peopley interactions (which I perceive to have gone well) I feel I can face my fears a bit more.
Once when I told my friend I didn't want to go on her hen do I blocked all SM and got rid of WhatsApp for two months, and she was fine about it!

Yes!! But only from certain people or like you say if l have had to say something that l know won't go down well.
Only way l deal with it is to switch my phone off til l am ready to respond so l feel like l have a bit of control over the situation and my feelings.

It was the worst when ex-MIL used to text. That always made me feel like I had a sudden case of the shits. She was a nasty, malicious bastard though.

Rip off the band aid and see what she's got to say.

I get this with group chats as I feel like they’re going to sap my time and energy as soon as I open them, so I quite often mute. This has become way worse in the past year.

I think it’s normal to feel anxious about opening a message that you know isn’t going to be nice to deal with. But like you said, it’s usually not as bad as you’re expecting so the sooner you open it the sooner you can stop worrying

It seems mental resilience is forgone concept these days.

@requitalissima

It seems mental resilience is forgone concept these days.

Often not helped by social media posts like this that seek to make someone feel crap for seeking support over their resilience.

I have found my people! I thought I was the only one who dreaded opening messages from certain people.

I have the opposite thing whenever I get an email from the National Lottery. I don’t open it for ages so I can believe for a few hours I’m a millionaire.

I understand completely as I have this fear sometimes. I also get it with Twitter, and frequently just avoid reading replies as I know they'll be so unpleasant.

@requitalissima

It seems mental resilience is forgone concept these days.

Seems like kindness, compassion and a little understanding are also forgone concepts for some!

DinosaurDiana:

You are overthinking it.
Get the message opened and get it dealt with, then you can start to forget about it and move on.

What excellent advice to someone who admits this kind of thing makes them feel anxious

I actually do think that's excellent advice, as putting it off just causes more stress/anxiety in the lead up to opening it.

Best to take a deep breath and get it done sooner.

Oh yes me big time. I have even got to the stage where I ask my dh and dd if they are cross with me because I feel because of one big bust up I never saw coming that I have lost my ability to judge if I have upset someone by saying/writing the wrong thing. My mental resilience used to be fine thank you but circumstances have destroyed it so don't you dare comment about what you can't understand requitalissma.

P.S. however do be brave and yet it over with. It might all be absolutely fine and there you have been worrying unnecessarily. Bless you.

I get this feeling to

If I have to do a phone call etc. I don't want to, I like to be outside/in public so I don't feel so alone. Just makes it easier for me for some reason