to be upset with DH because he canceled a lovely evening to go to friends

[tasjaSAmuminUK]

This is the story:

We are going home (to SA) in 2 1/2 weeks. We will be with my parents when we are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. Since DD was born (18months) we have been out 2 without her. So I was so looking forward to that special night, just the 2 of us, mum looking after DD. DH said I mustn't plan anything, he will.

Last night he said we have X amount to spend in SA. I ed at amount and asked how come we have so much money to spend then?
Answer- he budgeted for a room for our aniversary, and grand dinner and big bunch of roses. Now he canceled it because he thinks we must go and see his friends that lives 800km from us in SA. We are godparents to their children and I haven't met the children, DH met one child.

AIBU to be upset for him to cancel a night alone which we need and should grab as we don't get to do that over here in UK, and go to see friends, which we have to travel for 800km for 2 days?

The fact that he organised a part of your holiday without any reference to you or your plans is unreasonable enough I'd say. Your holiday too, therefore he should ask about visiting friends.

he wants to take you to see friends on your anniversary???

it's a bit insensitive of him, why not ask him if you can see them another time? how long will you be in SA for? is it a permanent arrangement?

don't think your unreasonable at all.

frankly I would tell him to sod off. Can;t think of a more diplomatic way to say it, sorry.

the thing is it is the only time while we are in SA to go and see them

I'm afraid I'd tell him to feck off.

But it's not convenient, is it? So it isn't the only time you sre available.. you're not available... you're going out for your anniversary

Get them to come & see you!!

Was thinking the same firefly... i'm

Um...

He shouldn't change holiday plans without asking you, so YANBU.

But if you have taken on the responsibility of being a godparent then you ought to go and at least meet the child when you are in the same country, so at the same time YABU.

Um again (trying to think of compromise solution)...

Could you leave your DD with your parents for the two days and book a nice hotel room, swish dinner, big bunch of roses (etc.) near where your friends live, hence combining the two? Although if your DD doesn't know your parents well that might not work, I suppose.

Or do the hotel / dinner / roses thing a different night?

Could you go for a nice evening out on a different day while you are in SA, I know it won't be your anniversary but does that really matter. I agree with lemonaid that if you have taken on the responsibility of being godparents to your friends children then when you are visiting the country you should make the effort to pay them a visit.

Lemonaid - we would take DD along, as they haven't met her either.
DH suggested we could leave her with them and go out that night.
But why travel 8ookm and then rush through dinner to finish and to go to friends again. Can't see that we will be alone the whole evening and waist it regarding seeing friends for just 2 days.

AIBU to think that they can come and visit us while we are in SA?

I don;t think you are, why shouldn't they come to you? Presumably you have more things to fit into a short visit than they have.

Don't forget, it's not just your anniversary it's his too. I agree, you should see your godchildren while you are in the same country.

It's easy to fall into the trap of never going out when you have small children - too easy in fact - when you get back to UK why don't you try hard to organise a good reliable babysitter for once a fortnight and special occasions.

And yes, getting them to come to you is definately worth considering.

Good luck and have a lovely holiday.